He's laying it on thick. I hate this feeling.

[Depression = 72% of members]

Title says it. BPD/NPDh is laying it on thick trying to get in my good graces. I'm not responding at all. I know he's in violation of the RO but he's not threatening so I'm just going NC. He loves me so much but guilt trip guilt trip I was wrong and you were too guilt trip guilt trip. Mostly passive aggressive, of course. I'm not responding. I answered my phone earlier not knowing it was him -different number. He pleaded. I said to him, remember when you were growing up and you saw your mom's husband grab her by the hair and slam her down? He said yes. I said did she deserve that? Go tell your mom she deserved it. And I hung up. I hate this feeling. I miss his touch and his love but I hate his rage. I hate this.

[wishfulthinking]

Title says it. BPD/NPDh is laying it on thick trying to get in my good graces. I'm not responding at all. I know he's in violation of the RO but he's not threatening so I'm just going NC. He loves me so much but guilt trip guilt trip I was wrong and you were too guilt trip guilt trip. Mostly passive aggressive, of course. I'm not responding. I answered my phone earlier not knowing it was him -different number. He pleaded. I said to him, remember when you were growing up and you saw your mom's husband grab her by the hair and slam her down? He said yes. I said did she deserve that? Go tell your mom she deserved it. And I hung up. I hate this feeling. I miss his touch and his love but I hate his rage. I hate this.

[LettingGo14]

I hate this feeling. I miss his touch and his love but I hate his rage. I hate this.

I'm so sorry wishfulthinking.  I went back and read some of your recent posts, and you have been through so much.   You certainly obtained the RO for good reason, and you have one goal now:  to take care of yourself.

One of the things I did in the darkest days is start to write gratitude lists, for the small things I could enjoy, even if as mundane as a summer breeze.  It seems trite, but it gave some relief.

What are 2 to 3 things you might put on a gratitude list?  It sometimes helps us turn our focus back to self-care and away from the pain (and abuse).

[wishfulthinking]

LettingGo14,

Gratitude list... .good idea. Daily I try to be grateful for things. Today was my child is healthy and safe. The weather was warm and sunny. My house payment didn't bounce. I found a xerox copy of my license I lost this weekend so I could go to the bank. My old cat is still alive. I had tortillas left. Dt dr pepper. Caramellos. Good gas mileage. Bacon. The list really goes on and on

Thank you I'm so stressed out. I feel a headache coming on and my breathing is tight due to stress, but it'll be ok.

[LettingGo14]

I'm so stressed out. I feel a headache coming on and my breathing is tight due to stress, but it'll be ok.

I loved your gratitude list, wishfulthinking.  I have been game for trying any TACTICS to reframe and retrain my mind.

Have you tried pranayama breathing for stress reduction?   There's a great iphone app called pranayama, or youtube videos.  You could also google the 4-7-8 breathing technique. 

Or, here's a good link to 6 breathing exercises.      www.greatist.com/happiness/breathing-exercises-relax

[wishfulthinking]

I will do that. I have a heart issue and when my blood pressure goes up (high stress) it makes my symptoms worse (breathing, headache, etc.) Most of the time it's a non-issue. I'll try any tactic at this point. Thanks again, I appreciate the chance you gave me to have some playful humor and smile. I rarely get that anymore.

[LettingGo14]

Thanks again, I appreciate the chance you gave me to have some playful humor and smile.

That made me smile!