He's gearing up to rage... or is he?

[Depression = 72% of members]

I've seen the signs many times before.  He's over-working himself and is very stressed.  Of course this is all self induced, but it is what it is none the less.  At any rate, he's been edgy for about a week now and I get the feeling he's going to blow.  He's been angry and cussing at the dogs and he's snapped at me a couple of times as well.  I've left him alone for the past couple of days just did my own thing when I get home from work, but last night he was just so darned grumpy I had to say something.  I've been as validating as I can be.  I know he wants to get the kitchen and hallway construction over with.  He's doing a beautiful job, but his back has been hurting and I'm really tired of hearing about it!  I finally said "I know how much you want to get this over with.  Perhaps taking a break for a day will help your back heal."  He said emphatically NO.  OK... . after a few minutes of him griping and cussing at the dogs, I spoke up:

Me:  I can see that you're very stressed right now. 

Him:  I am.  I need to get this done.

Me:  I understand you are tired of working on this and want it to be over.  I'm having a hard time with the way you're treating the dogs.

Him:  They are constantly in my way when I'm trying to work.

Me:  It frustrates me when they get under my feet as well.  I completely understand... . but they don't. 

Him:  I don't understand why they can't just go lay down somewhere while I'm working.  (voice is raising)  I have to get this done!

Me:  I feel your frustration.  I'm seeing you get more and more frustrated and angry and I'm afraid that it is affecting your health.  I get the feeling that it will not end until you are in an all out rage and that upsets me.

Him:  (after several minutes of silence)  Maybe I'll take the day "off" and just go to Lowe's for some supplies then sit out in the sun.

Me:  That sounds like a good plan.

I suppose we'll see how it goes over the next few days.

[Rockylove]

I've seen the signs many times before.  He's over-working himself and is very stressed.  Of course this is all self induced, but it is what it is none the less.  At any rate, he's been edgy for about a week now and I get the feeling he's going to blow.  He's been angry and cussing at the dogs and he's snapped at me a couple of times as well.  I've left him alone for the past couple of days just did my own thing when I get home from work, but last night he was just so darned grumpy I had to say something.  I've been as validating as I can be.  I know he wants to get the kitchen and hallway construction over with.  He's doing a beautiful job, but his back has been hurting and I'm really tired of hearing about it!  I finally said "I know how much you want to get this over with.  Perhaps taking a break for a day will help your back heal."  He said emphatically NO.  OK... . after a few minutes of him griping and cussing at the dogs, I spoke up:

Me:  I can see that you're very stressed right now. 

Him:  I am.  I need to get this done.

Me:  I understand you are tired of working on this and want it to be over.  I'm having a hard time with the way you're treating the dogs.

Him:  They are constantly in my way when I'm trying to work.

Me:  It frustrates me when they get under my feet as well.  I completely understand... . but they don't. 

Him:  I don't understand why they can't just go lay down somewhere while I'm working.  (voice is raising)  I have to get this done!

Me:  I feel your frustration.  I'm seeing you get more and more frustrated and angry and I'm afraid that it is affecting your health.  I get the feeling that it will not end until you are in an all out rage and that upsets me.

Him:  (after several minutes of silence)  Maybe I'll take the day "off" and just go to Lowe's for some supplies then sit out in the sun.

Me:  That sounds like a good plan.

I suppose we'll see how it goes over the next few days.

[RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING]

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[byasliver]

Rockylove, sounds like he might be gearing up for a rage but that you helped him successfully sort through the issue at the moment and guide him towards a more healthy solution - at least for now. You really did an amazing job of validating him! 

[Rockylove]

Thanks, byasliver.  I'm beginning to really feel differently.  Everything that I've been reading lately brings up the validation factor and I've been consciously using validation when ever and with whom ever I can~~even myself!  It's been very liberating   I really don't have to come up with the answers for everything nor do I have to take on the worlds problems.  I like that!

[waverider]

 

A big hug doesn't go astray too.

Renovating is stressville at the best of times.

Me:  I feel your frustration.  I'm seeing you get more and more frustrated and angry and I'm afraid that it is affecting your health.  I get the feeling that it will not end until you are in an all out rage and that upsets me.

Excellent use of SET, you kept the negative consequence (T) about you not him

[Rockylove]

Excellent use of SET, you kept the negative consequence (T) about you not him

waverider... . I had no idea that's what I was doing    but I'm sure glad it worked!  He often (way more often than I'd like) says that I need to choose my words carefully.  He wants me to be very literal~~even though he's not    He recently read an email that he mistakenly sent to me and was scratching his head because even he couldn't figure out what the heck he was saying!  We chuckled over that. 

At any rate~~it's progress and I'm happy for the smallest of victories.  The "renovation" is coming to an end.  He'll likely be starting a full time job soon which will give him some sense of purpose, a place to be (other than sitting home surfing the internet reading Syrian news and getting depressed), some $ in his pocket and health insurance.  It's an easy, low stress job where he can work alone (which he loves) with lots of down time so he can sit and play his guitar.  I'm hoping this works out for him.