Hi

[butterben]

Hi everyone,

I recently discovered BPD and this site after looking for help online. I've been married to my wife for over 6 years and we have two little boys. There has always been a lot of conflict and resentment in our marriage. Basically, I think that my wife is never satisfied with anything I do for her. Everything is always about her and how she feels. She always feels like a victim and she thinks she is deprived. She does not want to work part time even though I am in school.

Also, she grew up in a very psychically and emotionally abusive home.

There's more but I guess this is enough for now.

Thank you.

[RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING]

RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members are welcomed to express frustration but must seek constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[an0ught]

butterben,

There has always been a lot of conflict and resentment in our marriage.

PwBPD engage in behavior pattern that drives conflict a lot. Not that conflicts in marriage necessarily amount to BPD.

Basically, I think that my wife is never satisfied with anything I do for her. Everything is always about her and how she feels. She always feels like a victim and she thinks she is deprived.

It is impossibly to fill the void of a pwBPD. What works however at least in a situation is to focus on their emotional needs. Effective active listening (see workshops on validation) is often more effective than chasing their latest dream or gripe.

There's more but I guess this is enough for now.

When you ready tell us. No issue is too small, large or obscure if it has a negative impact on your life. Not for everything is a solution known but sharing helps even then.

Again welcome,

a0

[EaglesJuju]

Hi butterben, 

Welcome aboard.

I am sorry that you are going through this. I understand how you could feel like nothing you do is enough.     It can feel invalidating when your needs are not being reciprocated.

As an0ught mentioned, that people with BPD (pwBPD) have a tendency for unstable behavior in relationships. Much of the conflict in the relationship with a pwBPD derives from a pwBPD's lack of a stable sense of, a capacity for spontaneous emotional expression, and a capacity for self-regulating emotions.  Essentially, all of the above can create havoc in a relationship.

There are things we can do to help improve our relationships. The motto on the staying board is, "before you can make anything better, you must stop making it worse." This statement is truly the foundation of improving things. Improvement starts with us. 

Sharing your story really helps. Perhaps you can share more of your story so we can help you better?