Interesting development involving CS

[Family Court Strategies: When Your Partner Has BPD OR NPD Traits.]

So, I’ve been discussing our Son with his mother through text. She just informed me that as soon as she gets daycare assistance through the govt. that she will no longer be asking me for anything. I know I’ve been paying for a lot more than daycare. This has me suspicious about her possibly moving someone in that will be helping with the expenses. Should I save this text? If this does go to court after she has told me that she will no longer be taking CS from me, can she reneg on that and request court ordered support. I have no issue with supporting my child, but if I can keep our money with us, I definitely will.

[JNChell]

So, I’ve been discussing our Son with his mother through text. She just informed me that as soon as she gets daycare assistance through the govt. that she will no longer be asking me for anything. I know I’ve been paying for a lot more than daycare. This has me suspicious about her possibly moving someone in that will be helping with the expenses. Should I save this text? If this does go to court after she has told me that she will no longer be taking CS from me, can she reneg on that and request court ordered support. I have no issue with supporting my child, but if I can keep our money with us, I definitely will.

[ForeverDad]

Yes, save documentation.  You never know when you'll need it.

Yes, courts will allow her to reneg virtually any time she wishes.  However, they usually set some limits.  One is that most courts require a year or two between ordered CS amounts.  Typically some change has to have occurred before the court will change the CS amount.

If she says she doesn't want or need your voluntary financial help for your child then don't push it.  Beware of feeling too-fair or overly fair, it can make things even more complicated, you don't have to force her to take your money.  But if there is a court order requiring payment I think you may have to go to court to end or adjust it so that she can't later claim you are delinquent and put you in trouble with the court.

We are peer support here with tons of collective experience and vast resources for practical strategies, improved communication skills, etc.  However, we're not lawyers, and so we can't give legal advice.  This is something to discuss with your lawyer too to gain the local legal perspective.  If this isn't an urgent issue then you can let a few questions stack up so you can save money by avoiding too frequent consultations.

I wonder if she is thinking that the less money you pay, the more she will get in govt support.  She may be aiming for govt childcare, govt healthcare, govt housing, govt food, etc.  At some point agencies may come after you believing you're a deadbeat dad.  I'm not sure whether there's anything you need to do before they seek you out, if they even do.

[JNChell]

Thanks, ForeverDad. The CS isn’t court ordered. With this new development I am backing off on the idea of FC. For now, anyway, unless the visitation schedule becomes a problem. Just to clarify, is that what you meant by telling me not to push the issue? It makes total sense that she may be taking the govt. assistance route more than she currently does. She’s very reliant on the govt. She’s an able bodied individual, but would rather be taken care of with free money. This I know. I wasn’t aware that the govt. could come after me if she is drawing too much in assistance. That’s good to know. Thank you for the advice.

[ForeverDad]

I don't know if they would, but possibly some agencies could.  What they do question and enforce is much less than what they could.  My experience was that court was quick to make a CS order.  One incentive I've heard is that the state's CSEA can get a 2% management fee for garnishing it.

My ex has evidently had Medicaid since we divorced.  Occasionally she'll say my son has a Medicaid card but she's always refused to show it to me.  And I'm the Legal Guardian.  He has always had coverage with my health insurance but I've never had anyone questioning why he has two coverages.

Have you run the CS calculations that your local family court uses?  That should help you to determine the maximum CS you would be required to send her.  There is no legal benefit to overpay CS, court won't care, overpaying probably won't earn you any points with them.  Anything above the calc amount would be considered as a gift.

[JNChell]

ForeverDad, thanks again. That’s interesting that the CSEA gets 2% for firming up a garnishment. That strikes me as a huge conflict of interest. IMO, that would motivate the CSEA to garnish without a responsible investigation.

Our S3 and her D8 are both on Medicaid and I have a card for S3. She gave it to me when we were still together. She’s very good with doctors appointments and making sure the kids get their checkups and maintenance. Very good. I was always left out of the mix, though. I wanted to attend his appointments, but she would always schedule them when I couldn’t go. I would get a text about his metrics and overall health without even knowing he had an appointment.

I’m not able to use the CS calculator. I would need her income info and other things that I know she won’t share.