She called after 4 months N/C

[Family Court Strategies: When Your Partner Has BPD OR NPD Traits.]

Hi,

So  like a big dope,  I called her back after she left a lenghty message.  No, I didn't feel the same, not like I was craving to go back or anything, the feeling was more like , turning your head while driving looking at an accident.  SO, bad that I contacted her?  Well Yes, and No.

I just knew she went through a supply and probably drinking her scotch watching TV and was bored.  So, I listen to incredible stuff coming from her head.  It's amazing how out of touch with the reality of the relationship they are, and how they bend everything to made them seem like they did nothing but pour their heart out. Really Joan or Arc stuff!  

So, the call, I guess, was to affirm her position, and touch base with me. Well her very very distorted position was insane.  Not going into the details, because its too long, but she forgot major, and I mean major events or bent them way out of line, made up somE stuff, pretty inventive I would say, and I found myself, almost at one point, being that puppy again, not wanting to correct her or ruffle her feathers etc, but I said to myself, What the heck, so, I kindly and without raising my voice or being emotional, started on a slow path, to say, sorry you feel that way, but but here's what really happenned and why.  At some point, she became really fluster and say, well maybe I just don't remember that, or this.  SHe was trying to spin out of it, but too late, she got caught and couldn't recall her own memories (because she just made them up) so I had some fun there, since my view point was totally different then before.

I could care less.  Then I got to hear her insanity about things, and sorry, but i almost laughed, but also felt so relieved.  Is this the women I been crying over, and is this the person I aksed if "BPD gets better with age",  Is this the girl I drreammed about going to bed with, my God, she nuttier than before, and nothing she said, was even close to reality or made much sense.  

I know from a friend , actually just a day before, she on a dating site so, the supply must of ran out.  Hence the call!  

Bottom line, I felt a GREAT relief, when I hung up.  Like wholly God, i JUST DODGE A HUGE LAND MINE.   I escape a a very scary relationship, of torture and pain.  I would be torn emotionally and mentally to shred putting up with her endless cr&p!

So, as bad as it was to pick up the phone, it was a step into who she really is.

As one person told me on this board, you'll have a easier time, getting your neighbors cat to understand things, then you BPD.  They just can't, and once we come to that point, that it's impossible, and it's not about how much you love them, or what you can do for them, or should of done this, or maybe better technique with SET,  you'll will be on the road to freedom.  I BELIEVE i AM before the talk and now, it's a slam dunk.  

Oh and for those who think they got this under control, do not think for one moment you can go back for sex , use her or punish her and walk away.  They will mess with your head again.  Their thought process is so so different than ours.  So, please don't.  Once off the drug, do not touch again! THANKS

[outside9x]

Hi,

So  like a big dope,  I called her back after she left a lenghty message.  No, I didn't feel the same, not like I was craving to go back or anything, the feeling was more like , turning your head while driving looking at an accident.  SO, bad that I contacted her?  Well Yes, and No.

I just knew she went through a supply and probably drinking her scotch watching TV and was bored.  So, I listen to incredible stuff coming from her head.  It's amazing how out of touch with the reality of the relationship they are, and how they bend everything to made them seem like they did nothing but pour their heart out. Really Joan or Arc stuff!  

So, the call, I guess, was to affirm her position, and touch base with me. Well her very very distorted position was insane.  Not going into the details, because its too long, but she forgot major, and I mean major events or bent them way out of line, made up somE stuff, pretty inventive I would say, and I found myself, almost at one point, being that puppy again, not wanting to correct her or ruffle her feathers etc, but I said to myself, What the heck, so, I kindly and without raising my voice or being emotional, started on a slow path, to say, sorry you feel that way, but but here's what really happenned and why.  At some point, she became really fluster and say, well maybe I just don't remember that, or this.  SHe was trying to spin out of it, but too late, she got caught and couldn't recall her own memories (because she just made them up) so I had some fun there, since my view point was totally different then before.

I could care less.  Then I got to hear her insanity about things, and sorry, but i almost laughed, but also felt so relieved.  Is this the women I been crying over, and is this the person I aksed if "BPD gets better with age",  Is this the girl I drreammed about going to bed with, my God, she nuttier than before, and nothing she said, was even close to reality or made much sense.  

I know from a friend , actually just a day before, she on a dating site so, the supply must of ran out.  Hence the call!  

Bottom line, I felt a GREAT relief, when I hung up.  Like wholly God, i JUST DODGE A HUGE LAND MINE.   I escape a a very scary relationship, of torture and pain.  I would be torn emotionally and mentally to shred putting up with her endless cr&p!

So, as bad as it was to pick up the phone, it was a step into who she really is.

As one person told me on this board, you'll have a easier time, getting your neighbors cat to understand things, then you BPD.  They just can't, and once we come to that point, that it's impossible, and it's not about how much you love them, or what you can do for them, or should of done this, or maybe better technique with SET,  you'll will be on the road to freedom.  I BELIEVE i AM before the talk and now, it's a slam dunk.  

Oh and for those who think they got this under control, do not think for one moment you can go back for sex , use her or punish her and walk away.  They will mess with your head again.  Their thought process is so so different than ours.  So, please don't.  Once off the drug, do not touch again! THANKS

[Raybo48]

Great post.  It definitely sounds like you are over the addiction and in full control of your faculties again.  I bet when you got off the phone you wanted to high five yourself.  Hell, I would have.  Good for you!

[outside9x]

Thanks RAYBO48

I did, I really did, and then today I found funny thoughts circling my head, basically one of sex with her, and well, I ended that.  I think though are types , at least me, have a tough time saying goodbye, and obviously they do too, until they get there supply, but I fully know,  any contact especially romantically, is just so stupid and bad for me.  TOTALLY BAD!  It seems like a bad dream now!

[AwakenedOne]

As one person told me on this board, you'll have a easier time, getting your neighbors cat to understand things, then your BPD.  

Glad you remembered about the cat bro.  You are awesome. Good job thinking things out clearly instead of just letting your emotions guide you back into a living hell.

[Infern0]

Good on you man you just passed a great test right there.  You did the right thing.

[myself]

You had a conversation with yourself, as well. Clearing your own air.

Seeing who you are. Where you are. Where you're going to be.

Sometimes we take a step 'backwards' but are really taking many forward.