I have very recently gone through one of countless excruciatingly painful break up's with my BPD partner of over 3 years. I am completely consumed by what happened, replaying every single second of our last interaction over and over again. I cannot think about anything else and I cannot sleep or work. This could have been written by me, with a few minor details changed. This is you looking for understanding and justifiably so. You have come to the right place, much info to help you navigate through this crisis. Hopefully you can find what youre looking for here, so you dont go through another excruciating painful break up. This will be up to you.
But just like clockwork This clockwork is exactly right. The illness plays out just as a clock ticks, consistently. There is an order to the disorder. The narcissists and the borderline relationship. Much is written on this subject and may enlighten you.
I decided not to press charges out of the goodness of my heart After all you have explained, this is your reasoning? This is not squaring with me. I have to ask where is the goodness for yourself?...Is it possible you came up with this in order to stay away from the pain you are feeling today?
they all despise her for it and every time I have gone back to her I have had to keep it a secret with everyone in my life. You didnt have to, you chose to. Saying all these things and then jumping right back in, would look like what? It appears you are somewhat spinning, just as I did.
for fear of what they might think of meWhat do you think, your family might think? Lets see, you express frustration, they tell you to leave the relationship. You figure out a different angle for the relationship to work (which it actually isnt) and they are left thinking. He is getting exactly what he asked for and they would be correct.
I now wish that I had pressed charges because I know that she will get away with this behavior again and again. Revenge is wicked. This would only back fire and you would eventually feel worse. Reason being, this is not you. She most likely will do this over and over. (her choice) She will have plenty of people to chose from. Those willing to play are a dime a dozen and the results will be similar to yours. Guaranteed unless she gets help, BY HERSELF, FOR HERSELF.
And I also realize now that by trying to help her I had only been enabling this type of behavior by triggering all of her darkest emotions. Appears to be understanding on your part, good for you. Alot of this will be needed to reach acceptance. She has also became a trigger for you. Something you will eventually need to get to, in order to process this in a healthy way.
I have suffered repeated emotional trauma This has happened to you, well before this relationship. Exploring this will help you understand today.
. I didn't know what else to do but write it all down here.You did something different and more of this will be needed. Writing is a great form of therapy, keep it up and learn.
https://bpdfamily.com/content/how-borderline-relationship-evolveshttps://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=138154.0I wish you well, Peace