The foolish one returns

[FoolishOne]

Hey family... .  some of you may remember me... .  I'm back after my extended tour of BPD Hell.  Yes, the glutton for punishment went full circle... .  yet again.  I don't know how this most recent split is going to end, but I hope I have the balls to skate this time.

My dBPDw now has decided to go extremely religious on me.  She's always been religious (I remember her quoting scripture to me from LAX as she told me she was leaving me for another man... .  she said she hoped I find what God has in store for me.)

So now the story is that she decided stop drinking alcohol and stop listening to secular music.  Part of this movement is because she started teaching Sunday School and wants to lead by example.  I get that and have never faulted her for her stance... .  however, she is very upset with me because I am still choosing to drink... .  and believe me, I drink VERY little (maybe 2-4 drinks/month) and listen to rock music.

This revelation has just come recently to me.  A couple of weeks ago I had enough of her mood swings and had a rare loss of control and lashed out at her behavior.  As we know, that's a No No with BPD's.  Not being able to accept even the slightest of criticism, having me rant and rave about her volatile moods, her unpreditable behavior and her erractic comments was too much.  I asked her where was the woman I married.  That was her trigger for immediately asking to be taken home and then came the five days of silent treatment.

After that, came the email tirade where she shared with me that she was a broken woman when she came to me and that now she has risen from the ashes.  Marrying me was a mistake she made at the depths of her sin.  Now, of course she is forgiven and trying to live a Godly life.  I guess I am dragging her down.

She plays the victim better than anyone I've met... .  or ever will.

Anyway, she is in an incerdiby difficult position right now.  I know she wants a divorce... .  every ounce of her communication wreaks of it... .  but her religious conviction precludes her from initiating it.  If I file, then she is exonerated and once again, becomes the victim.  

This board is one of the best resources I've had and will continue to be so.  Please keep the faith for me and offer any advice you'd like.  I've got tons of stories to share if anyone wishes to know.  She's the BPD poster child.  From asking me for $1,500 for a fack abortion, to doing everything in her power to ruin my life... .  I guess if she's the BPD poster child, that makes me the Co-Dependent poster child, yes?

Regardless, thank you all for being there... .  the worst part of it all will be losing the most incredible sex of my life... .  call me shallow, but it is what it is.

Foolish One

[Surnia]

FoolishOne

Yes, good sex can be difficult to let go... .   

US: When is good sex a bad thing? [romantic partners].

Anyway, she is in an incerdiby difficult position right now.  I know she wants a divorce... .  every ounce of her communication wreaks of it... .  but her religious conviction precludes her from initiating it.  If I file, then she is exonerated and once again, becomes the victim. 

This is more her side of the street. What keeps you in the rs beside the good sex?

[js friend]

Wow.Yes I remember you foolishone. I even when back on your posts to check you were the same one.!


Welcome back

[Rose Tiger]

I had to be the 'bad guy' and file.  I had to prepare myself that he would not play any other role than victim and would not take any of the blame.  Now I'm glad I did it.  I was fairly shaky during.   

[OTH]

More importantly do you want a divorce? It is odd you left your feelings out. Could be a codependent trait.

Anyway, she is in an incerdiby difficult position right now.  I know she wants a divorce... .  every ounce of her communication wreaks of it... .  but her religious conviction precludes her from initiating it.  If I file, then she is exonerated and once again, becomes the victim. 

This is more her side of the street. What keeps you in the rs beside the good sex?

[FoolishOne]

Thank you for your responses... .  it definitely helps to know you all are out there... .  please don't give up on me here... .  

OTH & Surnia... .  yes, I want a divorce so bad I could taste it... .  but to be fair, the co-dependency traits are most certainly present... .  BPD's "love" you like no other... .  but hurt you like no other as well...   The feelings I have for her are more sexual now than anything... .  the real pain for me will be when she moves on.  Her professing her extreme fundatmental stance will make it difficult to rationalize pre-marital sex.  That will be a dilemma I'm sure she'll overcome.

Also, let's not forget that she gave me Herpes, so moving on for me will be a lot more difficult... .  

Foolish One

[just me.]

If I file, then she is exonerated and once again, becomes the victim.  

Just wanted to quickly comment on this.  I don't know if this notion of her "becoming the victim" is actually a big motivating factor in your decision-making or not... .  but if it is, I don't think it should be.  She will perceive herself to be the victim no matter what.

From my experience, I would say that her ending the marriage would make her feel even more like the victim.  The fact that it is her ending it becomes "proof" that you were terrible enough to her that she had no choice.  That's no better.

[FoolishOne]

Hey J"ust_me_500... .  good observation... .  You are so right, she plays the "victim card" like a champ... .  so it would not make any difference who filed... .  but right now, she can't possibly file or she would be the hypocrite... .  She teaches a Sunday School class for girls... .  that would not be the example she would want to set.  Hopefully I can use this to my advantage, but we'll see.