New member - similar story

[murmom]

I have lurked on this board for over six months.  Lurking helped me TREMENDOUSLY because I really thought my family was one of the very few going through this!  Anyway, I finally decided to step up and join.  Here is my intro. 

My story is similar to so many that I've read on this board.  I have a 16 year old daughter diagnosed with BPD.   She has shown symptoms of BPD since about age 13 and this past year has progressively gotten worse.  She has been involved in everything from heavy drug use/selling drugs to running away and promiscuity to assaulting me if I tried to place limits on her.  She has been hospitalized multiple times for suicide ideation, suicide attempts, and the effects of seriously cutting herself (she is a cutter).  She is currently (two weeks now) in a state mental hospital.  I visited her yesterday and her moods were vastly improved and we actually had a good visit.  I am always, always cautiously optimistic. 

We recently moved out of state to get a fresh start, and to get her away from a destructive peer group.  She was doing so well (I thought) until a couple of weeks ago, hence the hospitalization. 

Anyway, I am here to learn and give support to others who might need it.  Just knowing that others are going through a similar situation is comforting in a weird way! 

Murmom

Mom to dx BPDD16

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[HealingSpirit]

Oh Murmom,

  I'm so glad you've already been helped by this site.  I'm even happier that you've come forward with your story!  I realize it takes courage to come forward and actually make a post here.  I'm so sorry to hear you have similar issues with your DD16 as I do with my DD17.  Mine is a cutter too.  Ugh!  I wouldn't wish this kind of anguish on anybody!  And I'm VERY sorry your DD is in the hospital as we speak.  Please let us know how that goes and tell us when she gets out, okay?

It IS comforting to know we're not alone, isn't it? 

I hope you'll post your story and start making yourself known on the parenting board.  After 6 months, I'm sure you already know how to find it.   

Thank you for stepping away from the wall flowers and into the party.    We're so glad to have you!

Hang in there! 

[maxen]

hi murmom and i join Healingspirit in saying 

thank you so much for posting, and offering to help others. it's a community, and the support we give each other is sometimes even lifesaving. when i was at my lowest last year i more or less lived here, and it kept me going.

i see that you've been to the parenting board already - great! i don't have a child w/BPD (that'll be my stbxw) and i find the stories there to be truly heroic. please keep posting murmom!

[DreamFlyer99]

Hi murmom! (love the name by the way!)

First i'd like to add my welcome.

I think all of us who love someone with BPD tend to be "cautiously optimistic" since it often feels like Groundhog Day where every day is the same. And that makes it feel all the more exciting when it feels like progress is being made.

Progress builds on itself I know, and even though you can't make your daughter's choices for her she clearly has an involved and supportive mom in  you, and for that she's blessed, definitely.

I'm so glad you found us, this is the greatest place for support and healing. 

dreamflyer99 

[Rapt Reader]

Hello, murmom, and I'd like to welcome you to the Parenting a Son or Daughter with BPD Board. As the others have said, the members of this Board are dealing with the same things that you are, and we are here for you. It's awful when our child is self-destructive, and I do know how it feels to have a child with suicidal ideations. My own adult (37) son has been hospitalized twice for that, and has also gone through rehabs for drug addictions, the last one being more than a year ago (a Dual Diagnosis Program) which diagnosed his BPD and saved his life. He's been clean and sober, and non-suicidal ever since.

I'm wondering what sorts of therapies and treatments she is getting in the hospital right now? Do you know how long she will be there? Will there be some sort of continuing treatments after she is released? I can tell you from my experience, when our loved one realizes he/she has a problem, decides to get help for it, and then follows through with that help, things can get better. If your daughter's attitude is one of wanting to find the way out of her troubles, and she is willing to do the work to get that done, she has jumped the first hurdle on her way to recovery... .Is her attitude good, murmom? I'd love to know more about her situation... .

[murmom]

Thank you everyone for such a warm welcome!   I am still kind of in a fog about my daughter because she has only been in the hospital two weeks now.  Of course this was a long time coming and she never received the help she is currently receiving in the state from where we moved.  I really thought moving out of state would solve a lot of her problems!     I guess I was in denial regarding the seriousness of her issues.

My daughter receives daily psychotherapy for an hour, group therapy with the social worker, and goes to school for five hours a day.  School is a good thing because my daughter is way behind in high school and in danger of not earning a diploma. 

Initially my daughter was not open to working on her issues because, according to her, "I don't have anything I need to work on."  (It is all our fault!) The hospitalization is forcing her to come off illicit drugs and become stabilized on medication.  The social worker said my daughter is doing very well talking to her psychologist and my daughter reported to me that she enjoyed her daily "talks" with this doctor as well. 

She is still on the lockdown until and will be going into residential at the same hospital soon.  Residential treatment will last up to six months.  My daughter never got anywhere near this level of help in the state from which we moved!  I have ill feelings toward the state from which we moved because we worked and worked to get this level of care from the state - but no luck!

Because this is the first long-term hospitalization for my daughter it is all new for me and my family.  I find myself missing my daughter - but then, not really - because her recent behaviors were so out of control.   When I talk to my daughter on the phone and she is so level-headed and kind it really makes me miss her.  But I know she needs to stay in the hospital for now because that won't last. 

I guess I am feeling hesitant if hospitalization will make a drastic difference in my daughter and that is why I am cautiously optimistic.  I guess only time will tell and we have a lot of work in front of us when she is discharged.

Murmom

Mom to Dx BPDD16

[DreamFlyer99]

murmom,

it's so awesome she's getting such great help so young! Guess the move worked in your favor, that's so good to see. 

[Rapt Reader]

It sounds like a great program, murmom 

I'm happy to hear there is a Residential program after the Hospital stay; the follow-up Therapies and treatments are very important to recovery. My son has an Out-Patient Therapist & Neurofeedback Therapist that he sees weekly, and a Psychiatrist that he sees monthly. Without this continuing treatment, he would not be clean and sober (more than 17 months now) and doing as well as he is today.

Your daughter is lucky to have this available to her, at this time    Cautiously optimistic is good, and you are right that once she gets out of the RTC, her program and treatments shouldn't end. But she is on the right track for now, and I think it's great!