25 year old ADHD daughter may have BPD

[Gussy]

I'm pretty sure my 25-year-old ADHD daughter has BPD, although it's never been diagnosed. I'm just struggling with what to do or where to go to get some help for her. I think she would be shocked if I broached this with her.

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[FaithHopeLove]

Hi Gussy. Welcome to the group. You have come to the right place forvreliable information and support as you navigate the rough BPD seas. My son, also 25, was also diagnosed with ADHD as a child. Now he has been diagnosed with BPD along with serious drug addiction. It is a tough path but not a hopeless one. Can you tell us more about your daughter? Why do you suspect BPD?

[Gussy]

I actually have a younger daughter with OCD who is being successfully treated by a terrific therapist and she's the one who suggested that's what it might be (after 22yo described some incidents). The more research I did, the more it seemed to make sense. There's a simple questionnaire I found on HelpGuide.org to help people like me assess whether a loved one has BPD - do I have to tiptoe around, does your loved one shift between emotional extremes with no warning, does your loved one view you as all good or all bad, do you feel like you can't win, is everything always your fault, do you feel manipulated - and the answer is yes to all those things. Then I looked at how they assess the person with BPD and while she doesn't have all of the 9 things, she has quite a few - fear of abandonment (huge for her), impulsive behaviour, shifting self-image, extreme emotional swings, explosive anger.

We've been in therapy for almost 2 years (she & I) - mostly dealing with things that hurt her emotionally during her childhood and it doesn't seem to be getting any better. And every time we are physically together as a family, there is at least one day lost to anger and rage and tears and hysteria. So maybe I'm wrong about the BPD and I'm just trying to find a neat explanation for something that's a lot more complicated.