Well, that was cool I guess.

[Schermarhorn]

To summarize what my ex has done recently. She contacted me on two separate occasions after I ignored the first. She was apologetic and was begging for us to be okay. After a week she starts shifting all the blame on me and constantly reminds me that she is terrified of me.

Then she made me apologize for something I didn't even do, and then told me that I needed to leave her alone for us to work out.

She calls me tonight and I missed it, I called her back and she was acting all happy and asked if I was at home and I said I would be in 15 minutes. She told me to call her back then. I call back and she says that we shouldn't see each other anymore, and that she didn't want to tell me over text.

I kept my cool and just said ok bye, but I am both angry and disappointed again. I don't know why she would string me along like that just to reject me again. I don't know why I keep expecting her to not disappoint me. Part of me thinks she wanted to know if she could still get a reaction out of me.

I just don't want to accept that everything we have done was just me being used, but its becoming more and more obvious that is what it was. I don't want to believe that she's broken, but I am having trouble defending her in my own mind now.

I was played a fool once again, it feels bad. At least this time I kept my composure.

[LostGhost]

Their actions baffle me sometimes. Why go out of her way to call you just to tell you that? Just to dig the knife in a little deeper? Looking for a reaction out of you to know you're still attached? Or does she really mean it that it's over?

Hope you're doing ok after that nonsense.

I keep wanting and waiting for mine to contact me. Nothing so far, but only 6 days no contact. I refuse to be the one to make first contact.

[Schermarhorn]

Their actions baffle me sometimes. Why go out of her way to call you just to tell you that? Just to dig the knife in a little deeper? Looking for a reaction out of you to know you're still attached? Or does she really mean it that it's over?

Hope you're doing ok after that nonsense.

I keep wanting and waiting for mine to contact me. Nothing so far, but only 6 days no contact. I refuse to be the one to make first contact.

The real nonsense is that I keep talking to a person like this.

I'd say she was looking for a reaction to paint me black again, or that she found a new victim to suck the soul out of.

Regardless, I know she isn't gone for good. I just wish I could just ignore her, I really don't understand what my problem is.

[rotiroti]

Welcome back Schermarhorn,

Sorry to hear that it did not work out as you had hoped. Don't be too hard on yourself, many posters here have gone through endless recycles.

I know it's painful, but I think there is a silver-lining in all of this. Time and time again, you are shown proof that this is not a healthy r/s and that a pwBPD is not capable of providing the same love that you give. Wouldn't you agree?

[Panda39]

I don't want to believe that she's broken, but I am having trouble defending her in my own mind now.

This sounds to me like the FOG is beginning to clear which is a good thing   

If you haven't already you might want to check out the lessons links to the right ----->

Check out "Lesson 3 Tools" you might find some of the information helpful.

Panda39

[patientandclear]

I keep wanting and waiting for mine to contact me. Nothing so far, but only 6 days no contact. I refuse to be the one to make first contact.

LG ... .I keep coming back to a recent post of yours.  You explained that your pwBPD left you for her ex, was with him for a while, returned to you, and this ex killed himself.  Now she's gone from you.  I say this from the standpoint of someone who has played out the same basic pattern but with no one losing their life yet ... .do you see how she uses men?  :)oes it matter to your desire that she resume contact with you?

My ex uses women.  I'm trying really hard to make myself see and accept that I am NOT an exception to this pattern.  Wondering how you see what happens with the pwBPD in your life.

[LostGhost]

I keep wanting and waiting for mine to contact me. Nothing so far, but only 6 days no contact. I refuse to be the one to make first contact.

LG ... .I keep coming back to a recent post of yours.  You explained that your pwBPD left you for her ex, was with him for a while, returned to you, and this ex killed himself.  Now she's gone from you.  I say this from the standpoint of someone who has played out the same basic pattern but with no one losing their life yet ... .do you see how she uses men?  :)oes it matter to your desire that she resume contact with you?

My ex uses women.  I'm trying really hard to make myself see and accept that I am NOT an exception to this pattern.  Wondering how you see what happens with the pwBPD in your life.

It's true. After she was with me for about 4 months, he took his own life. He had cancer, no family, no money. He ran out of options I suppose. When we found out, I did see a huge reaction in her, much like you would expect a healthy person to have. She cried and cried, blamed herself even. I saw what I thought was real emotion. But after that, I was devalued quick. We became like roommates going through the motions. Still a lot of great times in the remainder but the connection and the intimacy never returned to what it was. I think she was actually grieving?

You're right, I do think she uses men. For their attachment I suppose? And then discards them when she feels like it, or feels like she has no choice due to her BPD fears and irrationality.

I'm not sure what I see. I guess I am hoping somehow she will see the light, the repeating patterns, get into DBT therapy and maybe there is a chance at something sustainable. I have a hard time believing it was all an illusion. I still saw a human being when I looked in her eyes. Just a sick human being on an emotional roller coaster. I have a hard time walking away, even though I know I should. I know I deserve better.

[Pretty Woman]

Patient and Clear makes a great point... .

My own ex's ex-husband tried to kill himself over her. I remember my lowest point with my ex and having contemplated ending it myself.

Clearly she toys with people until they are dead. She is is a PREDATOR.

The best thing for you is NC and to let her go.  You are doing all the right things, posting on here and reading others stories. This is someone who is playing a deadly game. Right now you are alive... .

We all want you to stay that way! You do sound like you are coming out of the FOG. Please heed the advice on here. You are worth so much more than this "" come here, go away relationship.

PW

[TheRealJongoBong]

My wife's ex also killed himself a year or two ago. When we went to his memorial party and met his gf you could tell she was BPD too, she seemed more pleased at all the attention she was getting than upset that her bf died.  My wife described how her relationship was with him - big fights she would instigate, him hiding in the basement, etc. I just wonder if he felt that in his new relationship he had just dove into the cannibal pot again and simply gave up.

[rotiroti]

 It's terrible when anyone takes their own life... .Can you imagine going from a r/s from a BPD to the next? It would confirm that this is what 'love' is supposed to be like.

[Schermarhorn]

What's bothering me is that she was so cheerful. The first time I called her back she said "Hey what's up? Oh I called you, that's right.". Then it took her like 30 seconds to remember why she even called.

And then she wouldn't talk unless I was back at home, so I had to call her back.

It was by far the weirdest phone exchange I have had with somebody ever. I know trying to make sense of their actions is useless, but I am genuinely curious about what was going on last night.