Help with Divorce from BPD spouse

[Family Court Strategies: When Your Partner Has BPD OR NPD Traits.]

If your L is saying the motion for a mental examination can be dismissed, then yes -- listen to him/her! I didn't read closely enough to see that your ex filed a motion for mental examination. My suggestion was from a proactive standpoint to avoid having him control who would do this. Lawyers know best how these cases get tried, appeals, etc. and will always have local knowledge about how the courts have ruled. It does seem to matter when there are similar cases, especially with the same judge.

Next L you talk to, it might be worth mentioning your suspicions that something is going on with your ex's finances. Ask if it makes sense to have a forensic accountant look through his accounts?

Be cautious about any gesture of kindness from your ex at this point. He sounds manipulative, and may want to set you up or frame you somehow if he thinks the annulment won't work.

[livednlearned]

If your L is saying the motion for a mental examination can be dismissed, then yes -- listen to him/her! I didn't read closely enough to see that your ex filed a motion for mental examination. My suggestion was from a proactive standpoint to avoid having him control who would do this. Lawyers know best how these cases get tried, appeals, etc. and will always have local knowledge about how the courts have ruled. It does seem to matter when there are similar cases, especially with the same judge.

Next L you talk to, it might be worth mentioning your suspicions that something is going on with your ex's finances. Ask if it makes sense to have a forensic accountant look through his accounts?

Be cautious about any gesture of kindness from your ex at this point. He sounds manipulative, and may want to set you up or frame you somehow if he thinks the annulment won't work.

[still_in_shock]

GrassTrees, a few clarification questions:

- How long have you been married to him?

- How long you've been separated for?

- Do you own joint assets together?

- Why is there a hearing in your case? What are you contesting, as I understanding this is the reason why hearings are held in case of divorces.

[GrassTrees]

We were married for 2 years and lived together prior to getting married for 2 years. We only have a few joint assets. Not much together and some of it was during our common law 'marriage'.

I have changed the locks about 6 weeks ago. Prior to that he lived with his ex wife and us depending on what mood swing he was on.

The hearing is for him to gain back possession of the house, deciding whether the court will grant my h's request for my mental status to be examined, temporary spousal support and dismissal of the annulment case.

Where are you at with your case?

[still_in_shock]

I just opened a separate thread as I didn't want to deviate your thread asking my own questions.

He should be filing next month. I want to apply for spousal support, but dread all the conflict and drama that'd follow. Also, the financial burden of legal fees... .Not sure what to do. If I don't contest, he's getting off the situation so easily and in glory. I've built him up, investing myself so much in this relationship/marriage emotionally and financially, and now dumped broke and humiliated. And it feels like, I am not entitled for anything in divorce.

Here is the link https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=277319.0

We were married for 2 years and lived together prior to getting married for 2 years. We only have a few joint assets. Not much together and some of it was during our common law 'marriage'.

I have changed the locks about 6 weeks ago. Prior to that he lived with his ex wife and us depending on what mood swing he was on.

The hearing is for him to gain back possession of the house, deciding whether the court will grant my h's request for my mental status to be examined, temporary spousal support and dismissal of the annulment case.

Where are you at with your case?

[ForeverDad]

You should never allow a one-sided evaluation, well, especially if it doesn't favor you, of course.  An alternative would have been to require equal treatment, so if you are evaluated, then he should be too.  That is a Must!  However, without children and it being a very short marriage, it would probably delay the divorce process to get in-depth evaluations, so I can understand your lawyer filing to just have that request denied.  (But if it isn't denied, then definitely have it modified to include both spouses!  Taking weeks or months to get a report that you are mentally stable accomplishes almost nothing, after all the time and money spent it doesn't even try to shine the spotlight on the real problem person.)

[GrassTrees]

I will keep it in mind not to have a one sided evaluation. Thank you.

As I could not find any other attorney to represent me on Tuesday, I potentially will have to represent myself. Thought about it for 3 days and now think it might not even be a bad idea. We have only been together for a total of 4 years, no children together, so why should there even be a long court battle?

If you would be willing to share best strategies with me or the ones that worked for you best that would be great.

Thanks again,


Grasstrees

[livednlearned]

Do you mean to represent yourself only on Tuesday, or for the duration of the case?

Since your immigration status is in question, there is something at stake here. Unless you are ok moving back?

[GrassTrees]

Preferably only on Tuesday and with the way the case is set right now there is a great chance that the annulment part will be dismissed. As with the motion for mental examination. Both on Tuesday. Also temporary spousal support and possession of the house.

We will see what the judge is going to do and whether she will be willing to grant another continuance. It was simply not enough time between the hearings and it being a holiday tomorrow. In addition, all attorneys raised their retainer to an amount that I cannot provide at this time. No one was also very keen on trying to get into my case over a weekend and show up in Court after a holiday first thing!

The majority of his filings is spiteful and vindictive. Let's hope the judge is going to see that.

[GrassTrees]

Thank you all!

All of your input and help was a wealth of information and invaluable in my court hearing!

Just wanted to update to all of you who have worried with me.

It went pretty well. Given that I had to represent myself it went exceptionally well. At least that is what I learned afterwards. An attorney would not have gotten me any more then what I got.

I was lucky the judge was extremely understanding and patient with me. In the beginning she was tough and treated me pretty rough, but that soon subsided, once she realized that I only had honest intentions and spoke from my heart.

He was lying through the teeth and his attorney was just like him. They pulled every trick in the book to discredit me and bring up stories from my past (half true of course at most) and it was awful to hear and witness 'how bad of a person' I am.

But I was prepared and kept my calm. I was only lectured once as I did not limit my answer to yes and no... .but that was about it. I could get my point across and it worked somehow.

Him showing up with his ex wife holding hands and his sleazebag attorney did not get him nowhere other then a 7k bill. I lost the house but that was expected. I got some money but no spousal support (as the money in my name is supposed to compliment for that) until the final hearing but the judge wants us to divide the assets and that won't do him much good.

I should have overcome my fear a long time ago and should have stood up for myself. I would have gotten a lot more on a monetary side. Would I have been able to get through this in calm... .probably not. So it is all good and all his false allegations and trying to get me harmed got him the house... .nothing else.

I wasted a truck load of time trying to hire an attorney but the fees I paid for consultations got me some solid advice and it served me well.

I cannot imagine how this must be when children are truly involved and I feel so sorry for everyone who will have to go through this.

Thank you all for the support in this round. I am not done, but I feel stronger and see some light at the end of the tunnel when it gets to the divorce. Recovering from this will be a long way for me and my son. I can clearly see that now and will reach out for help in that regard.