Moving for a new job...positives on being divorced

[Depression = 72% of members]

 Hey BPD Family,

  So yesterday I drove 300 miles for a job interview for what would be an awesome job in a cool new city.  I started applying to job like this 9 months ago when my now ubpdxw wanted to move away to get away from her family and start fresh someone where else.  This was the 3rd such interview I had since she left in August.  I couldn't help but remember how every time one of these would come up while we were together, how badly she would screw with over them despite saying it was what she wanted.   It would go something like this... I would get offered the interview...she would get excited and start looking up potential houses on Zillow and send them to me.  I would drive / fly to interview...as soon as the interview was over she would say "things aren't going well enough between us and I would not move with you to XYZ..."  A week later of course she would change her mind.  She even split town permanently in August while I was out of town on one of these interviews. 

   As I was driving yesterday...I couldn't help but think wow it's so great to be headed to an interview without worrying about how she was going to mess with me.  It was one of my first moments since the divorce that I felt wow this a positive that she is gone.

   Today I was offered another interview for a very similar...and because the universe is such a strange place it is in the exact small city she moved to 700 miles away.  I am on the fence if I should even interview...it would be an amazing opportunity but I would have to move to the same city as my ex wife (she is prone to making false accusations).  We are currently NC, but she still reaches out every week or two.  I feel like I shouldn't letter her dictate if I take this job interview or not or what I do with my life.  On the other hand she might be such bad news that I should that city at all costs.

   I could use some advice on what to do here.  If I got the job and took it...I certainly would not let her know. 

[LeftBehindGuy]

 Hey BPD Family,

  So yesterday I drove 300 miles for a job interview for what would be an awesome job in a cool new city.  I started applying to job like this 9 months ago when my now ubpdxw wanted to move away to get away from her family and start fresh someone where else.  This was the 3rd such interview I had since she left in August.  I couldn't help but remember how every time one of these would come up while we were together, how badly she would screw with over them despite saying it was what she wanted.   It would go something like this... I would get offered the interview...she would get excited and start looking up potential houses on Zillow and send them to me.  I would drive / fly to interview...as soon as the interview was over she would say "things aren't going well enough between us and I would not move with you to XYZ..."  A week later of course she would change her mind.  She even split town permanently in August while I was out of town on one of these interviews. 

   As I was driving yesterday...I couldn't help but think wow it's so great to be headed to an interview without worrying about how she was going to mess with me.  It was one of my first moments since the divorce that I felt wow this a positive that she is gone.

   Today I was offered another interview for a very similar...and because the universe is such a strange place it is in the exact small city she moved to 700 miles away.  I am on the fence if I should even interview...it would be an amazing opportunity but I would have to move to the same city as my ex wife (she is prone to making false accusations).  We are currently NC, but she still reaches out every week or two.  I feel like I shouldn't letter her dictate if I take this job interview or not or what I do with my life.  On the other hand she might be such bad news that I should that city at all costs.

   I could use some advice on what to do here.  If I got the job and took it...I certainly would not let her know. 

[Lucky Jim]

Hey LBG, I think it's great that you experienced a sense of freedom yesterday while on your drive to the interview.  Yup, it's a change for the better.

Concerning interview #2 in the city where your Ex lives currently, I don't see any harm in exploring this job possibility.  At this point, they haven't offered you anything, so why project a problem before one arises?  Suggest you take it one step at a time.

As a general matter, I suggest you make decisions based on what is right for you.  If you are unsure, then it's time to listen to your gut feelings.

LJ

[SinisterComplex]

I am going to second LJ here. Under no circumstances do ever let anyone dictate how you should live your life or the decisions you make. Always do what is in your own best interest LBG.

Do not even worry about your ex anymore at all. Do you and live your life to the best of your abilities. As for making a career decision...truly go with the opportunity that you feel will make you happiest. go for the position that you think won't be work, but rather something you want to do. No one wants a "job" they truly seek a "career" so use that mindset. A career should never feel like work because you love what you do. I am pretty sure I am preaching to choir with most of what I am saying and please do not take it as condescending...I truly am just offering you support.

Cheers and best wishes!

-SC-

[MeandThee29]

Yes, I would interview, and if it was right for me, I would take the job if offered. I wouldn't personally have a problem with that.

What your ex thinks is immaterial.