Oh yes - I get that completely. I was hell bent on saving I lost myself in the process.
Yes, I am lost too. Like wandering in a fog. My ex awakened me sexually, and I thank her for that, but that is also resulting in the loss of my marriage. I just can't stay in a dead marriage and be content after the amazing relationship, real or imagined, I had with the ex.
My therapist called my life a gray background, and the ex as technicolor. And he is right.