Cutting is escalating

[DisneyMom]

My 15 year old BPD has been relapsing back into cutting. Last night she cut so deep I had to take her to the ER for stitches. One of the hardest things is that we can't see it coming. Just 2 days ago, DH and I wanted to go out to eat (Friday night) as we typically do. And we asked our BPD DD and younger 12 year old DD if they wanted to come out with us. They were watching TV together and BPD was also playing with a 3D puzzle. They said no, as they often just like to hang out at home. So we went out alone. As we said bye to our girls, BPD DD gave a cheery "bye" to us. I had no concerns about her mood. Less than 30 minutes later I get a typical desperation text from her. "Mom, I'm really depressed. Come home asap." DH reminded me to not respond, as she often texts like this and is fine. She's just looking for me to swoop in and solve her problems. About 20 minutes later, her sister is texting me concerned that she is acting depressed. We are on our way home now. At home we find her in a very sad state. Says she is depressed and lonely. Has nothing to look forward to. (Just yesterday she spent the evening with a school friend and next day she had plans to go to another friend's sleepover party, she just happened to be bored Friday night) She was sad about not having more friends and activities. Bored and lonely and sick of TV. I asked her if she wanted to go to the health club with me, as she does sometimes when upset. She says she can't. Admits to cutting her arms. Can't workout in long sleeves. Basement bathroom is an awful scene. I ask if she wants to come out to Walgreens with me to get some wrap for gifts (family birthdays). She enjoys gift wrapping and I could use her help. Says she'd rather go to Target. She has a gift card. So kids and I go to Target. Kids buy a video game together. Come home and play it and her mood goes back to great. Then yesterday. She's fine all day. Doing laundry, watching TV with sister. No fights. No warning. She just calls from the basement bathroom that she needs help. Come to find out this time the trigger wasn't boredom, it was that she was feeling bad about failing some classes in school (its end of quarter). This is incredibly difficult for DH and I and absolutely traumatic for her younger sister. Does anyone have any guidance to deal with self-injury that comes without warning?

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[mywifecrazy]

I have no guidance to give as I have no experience with this type of acting out. It must be so hard for you and all your family. I hope and pray for peace and strength for you and hopefully some kind of breakthrough For your daughter.

Is she in some type of therapy or counseling?

Hang in there!

MWC... .

[Eggdad]

What helped with our d,  20 yo at the time:

On my part,  validation. "It must be awful to feel so much pain and helplessness that it makes you want to cut."

For her,  replacing cutting with a non-destructive behavior. Holding ice cubes was very effective for dd. It gave her the same sort term effect as cutting, without the ensuing shame.

[Rapt Reader]

Hello, DisneyMom & 

I am really sorry for all of the trauma and pain you and your family has been going through. It's really terrible to watch our children suffer and self-destruct right before our very eyes, and feel like there is nothing we can do to help them... .You are in the right place now; all of the members of this Board know exactly what you are going through 

Your daughter went to the ER last night? Did the Hospital want to keep her for observation, or give her any Psychiatric help for self-harming? You say she has returned to self-harming; does she have a Therapist or Psych of any kind for help? Has she gotten any sort of diagnosis as of now? Has she been diagnosed with Depression, and has she gotten any Treatment for it?

Not only does your daughter need the help of Professionals, but do you have any Counselor for yourself? For your Husband and other daughter? The situation really is more than we family members can handle alone, all tangled up in our BPD loved one's troubles and emotions and symptoms and behaviors... .What sort of Professional help is available to you and your family?

One thing you can do right now, if you haven't already, is read every single link to the right-hand side of this page, and check out the Feature Articles linked to under the 4 photos at the top of the Parenting Board threads page. You will find so many good Articles and Workshops available on this site, and help for your specific needs. In my mind, the best thing you can do to help your daughter stop self-harming is to get her Professional help; if she already sees a Therapist, etc., then I would call him/her with the specifics of last night's event, and ask for help. Maybe your daughter would need some sort of In-Patient Program tailored for teens? I wouldn't try to go this alone, DisneyMom, and we are here to help you figure this out