Hi and welcome to the board!
I am glad you are reaching out for support. We have a lot of parents who i am sure will be able to relate if not to all of your circumstances, at least some and definitely to feeling desperate.
We have posting and board guidelines here if you want to review them before posting:
https://bpdfamily.com/guidelinesPlease post as you feel comfortable and in the meantime read, settle in and get comfortable. We have a lot of articles tacked to the top of this board that you may find helpful.