Last night was a trial

[Depression = 72% of members]

I went to my uBPDbf's parents house for dinner, to spend the night with him ( he no longer lives with me). Within half an hour he is flipping out that I didn't offer him the right salad dressing, I was more interested in the dog than him, I annoyed him because I don't make him laugh anymore, his father ruined his life for cooking bacon in the oven rather than frying it.  He announced to everyone that he was breaking up with me and stormed out the door.  I followed him outside, he called me some names, had blocked the driveway with his car so no one could leave.  We stood and talked, his dad on the porch, I suppose to make sure he didn't become violent. 

All the discussion was his regular complaints, I didn't make him feel different (better). He wants it to feel like it did at the beginning of our relationship.  He wants to have a love so strong it fills the void in his chest.  He doesn't feel connected when he is not with me, this statement led me to calmly point out the I love you messages I sent earlier in the day.  He denied that I had sent anything, and his entire face fell when he read the messages on his phone, he grew quieter, I suppose digesting that his reality was different than what he thought at that moment? 

His mom loses her temper when he acts like this, told him to leave.  That if he didn't want to be with with me to be done with it.  Now I am embarrassed to go over there, part if me wonders if she thinks losing me will help him realize he needs to change (i know he will just find another to fill that hole for awhile).

After little sleep, I stood in front of him, telling him he could tell me he loved me and give me a hug, or he could watch me walk out the door.  I was not going to continue rehashing how I made him feel, he is responsible for himself.  He waited until my hand was on the knob and asked me to come to him.  Any ideas on how to better defuse the situation?  I do think he also felt cornered like we ganged up on him.

[Turtle time]

I went to my uBPDbf's parents house for dinner, to spend the night with him ( he no longer lives with me). Within half an hour he is flipping out that I didn't offer him the right salad dressing, I was more interested in the dog than him, I annoyed him because I don't make him laugh anymore, his father ruined his life for cooking bacon in the oven rather than frying it.  He announced to everyone that he was breaking up with me and stormed out the door.  I followed him outside, he called me some names, had blocked the driveway with his car so no one could leave.  We stood and talked, his dad on the porch, I suppose to make sure he didn't become violent. 

All the discussion was his regular complaints, I didn't make him feel different (better). He wants it to feel like it did at the beginning of our relationship.  He wants to have a love so strong it fills the void in his chest.  He doesn't feel connected when he is not with me, this statement led me to calmly point out the I love you messages I sent earlier in the day.  He denied that I had sent anything, and his entire face fell when he read the messages on his phone, he grew quieter, I suppose digesting that his reality was different than what he thought at that moment? 

His mom loses her temper when he acts like this, told him to leave.  That if he didn't want to be with with me to be done with it.  Now I am embarrassed to go over there, part if me wonders if she thinks losing me will help him realize he needs to change (i know he will just find another to fill that hole for awhile).

After little sleep, I stood in front of him, telling him he could tell me he loved me and give me a hug, or he could watch me walk out the door.  I was not going to continue rehashing how I made him feel, he is responsible for himself.  He waited until my hand was on the knob and asked me to come to him.  Any ideas on how to better defuse the situation?  I do think he also felt cornered like we ganged up on him.

[PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES]

PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members may appear frustrated but they are here for constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[MaybeSo]

My recommendation next time he walks out in this state is that you don't follow him. Leave him alone to deal with his own feelings.  Let him go. You are telling him it's not your job to fix this, but by your actions you are engaging in drama and trying to fix this. I'm not sure how effective requiring he tell you he loves or you leave him is, either. BwBPD often are not in touch with feeling love for their loved-ones especially when dysregulated. This isn't a game, it's a real disorder.  It totally sucks, but it's a fact. In terms of talk, and sparring and arguing, and ultimatums  and engaging in drama, less is more.

[briefcase]

I agree wholeheartedly with Maybeso.  Don't engage in this drama with him.  Just leave and let him sort it out himself.

[waverider]

Disengaging firstly protects you and your sanity. It also stops him soothing by projecting that task onto you. So ultimately it is good for him, otherwise the victim & rescuer cycle continues.