Smear Campaigns

[Depression = 72% of members]

Hi, folks. I was on here briefly this spring after finding myself involved with a person that I suspected had undiagnosed BPD. We dated from November through March, with them breaking things off with me on a weekly (often more frequently) basis. At the end of March, we ended things, though we saw each other as friends a couple of times in April. After that, we stopped seeing one another, and this person went on a total smear campaign on social media. That lasted a few days, then they deleted all of their posts/pictures. They would reach out to me via email or text occasionally, expressing their love for me and their desire to get back together. They also said they'd seen a therapist a couple of times and that the therapist said they didn't have BPD. When I inquired what condition they had, they told me it was none of my business.

My life improved so much after we stopped dating. I did exactly as they had suggested for the 5 months we were together, which was to "move on with my life and find happiness". I started going on a couple dates, just getting out of the house and having fun, and anytime exUBPD would contact me, I made it clear that I appreciated our time together but that we could only be friends because our relationship was not healthy. They seemed to accept this and we had friendly conversation from time to time. I would sometimes reach out to them as well, to check on their daily life. I figured if the therapist said they didn't have BPD, then maybe having sporadic contact was okay.

In late July, I talked to exUBPD and we had a really great day of conversations -- we spent 5 hours on the phone! The following day, we decided to get together for dinner and it was completely different from before. Ex was so calm and normal and we genuinely had a nice time. We talked and decided to try again, after ex told me that they had a lot of time to think over the months apart and they decided that the issues they had with me previously (my remaining platonic friends with 3 people i had dated 4 years prior) wasn't a big enough deal to them to keep us apart. We spent 10 wonderful days hanging out, talking, spending a lot of good quality time together. I thought things were going great, and I was really starting to think maybe they didn't have BPD.

On the 7th day or so, exUBPD brought up their issue with my friends. I tried to see things from their perspective, and I figured that I rarely spoke to my friends anyway, so I would tell them that I was in a relationship and that I needed to cease contact with them. I thought that exUBPD would be happy that I finally saw things from their perspective and did what they'd asked me to do last November. Ha! Two days later, the crap hit the fan and we went from having an amazing week and half, to them saying they couldn't ever overlook that it took me 8 months to decide to cut contact with my friends, and that they'd never be able to stop thinking about what I did in our time apart. Keep in mind during our time apart, they reached out to 2 of their exes, and sent nude photos to another person!

That "breakup" or whatever it was happened 3.5 weeks ago and this person has been on a rampage on social media again. They continuously create new Instagram and Twitter accounts, keep them open for a couple of days to a week, then delete it and start new accounts. In their latest account, they've decided to put me on blast about my past (how many people I've slept with), telling me I am broken and desperate, that I'll do anything to keep a partner, talking about how my exes left me, etc etc. Just evil, spiteful, hate filled rants on Instagram. I know that I'm none of those things, but damn it hurts to see that. I know, I know -- don't go and look at it. The only reason I keep an eye on their accounts is because they have stalked me in the past, and I just want to make sure they're not doing it again, or posting my personal info on there, like my address or phone number.

I don't know that I'm seeking any advice. I think maybe I just wanted to rant. See if anyone has similar stories. I don't know. I feel a jumbled mixture of sadness that they speak of me that way, to anger and wanting to punch them in the throat, to pity because what grown adult goes after someone that literally did nothing but love them for months on end when they were being 100% unloveable. Ugh. I am just grrrrr right now. Oh, and ftr, it turns out they didn't go to the therapist multiple times. It was once. And I doubt they received any diagnosis on that day. I'm convinced this person is BPD and a Narcissist.

[iamexhausted]

Hi, folks. I was on here briefly this spring after finding myself involved with a person that I suspected had undiagnosed BPD. We dated from November through March, with them breaking things off with me on a weekly (often more frequently) basis. At the end of March, we ended things, though we saw each other as friends a couple of times in April. After that, we stopped seeing one another, and this person went on a total smear campaign on social media. That lasted a few days, then they deleted all of their posts/pictures. They would reach out to me via email or text occasionally, expressing their love for me and their desire to get back together. They also said they'd seen a therapist a couple of times and that the therapist said they didn't have BPD. When I inquired what condition they had, they told me it was none of my business.

My life improved so much after we stopped dating. I did exactly as they had suggested for the 5 months we were together, which was to "move on with my life and find happiness". I started going on a couple dates, just getting out of the house and having fun, and anytime exUBPD would contact me, I made it clear that I appreciated our time together but that we could only be friends because our relationship was not healthy. They seemed to accept this and we had friendly conversation from time to time. I would sometimes reach out to them as well, to check on their daily life. I figured if the therapist said they didn't have BPD, then maybe having sporadic contact was okay.

In late July, I talked to exUBPD and we had a really great day of conversations -- we spent 5 hours on the phone! The following day, we decided to get together for dinner and it was completely different from before. Ex was so calm and normal and we genuinely had a nice time. We talked and decided to try again, after ex told me that they had a lot of time to think over the months apart and they decided that the issues they had with me previously (my remaining platonic friends with 3 people i had dated 4 years prior) wasn't a big enough deal to them to keep us apart. We spent 10 wonderful days hanging out, talking, spending a lot of good quality time together. I thought things were going great, and I was really starting to think maybe they didn't have BPD.

On the 7th day or so, exUBPD brought up their issue with my friends. I tried to see things from their perspective, and I figured that I rarely spoke to my friends anyway, so I would tell them that I was in a relationship and that I needed to cease contact with them. I thought that exUBPD would be happy that I finally saw things from their perspective and did what they'd asked me to do last November. Ha! Two days later, the crap hit the fan and we went from having an amazing week and half, to them saying they couldn't ever overlook that it took me 8 months to decide to cut contact with my friends, and that they'd never be able to stop thinking about what I did in our time apart. Keep in mind during our time apart, they reached out to 2 of their exes, and sent nude photos to another person!

That "breakup" or whatever it was happened 3.5 weeks ago and this person has been on a rampage on social media again. They continuously create new Instagram and Twitter accounts, keep them open for a couple of days to a week, then delete it and start new accounts. In their latest account, they've decided to put me on blast about my past (how many people I've slept with), telling me I am broken and desperate, that I'll do anything to keep a partner, talking about how my exes left me, etc etc. Just evil, spiteful, hate filled rants on Instagram. I know that I'm none of those things, but damn it hurts to see that. I know, I know -- don't go and look at it. The only reason I keep an eye on their accounts is because they have stalked me in the past, and I just want to make sure they're not doing it again, or posting my personal info on there, like my address or phone number.

I don't know that I'm seeking any advice. I think maybe I just wanted to rant. See if anyone has similar stories. I don't know. I feel a jumbled mixture of sadness that they speak of me that way, to anger and wanting to punch them in the throat, to pity because what grown adult goes after someone that literally did nothing but love them for months on end when they were being 100% unloveable. Ugh. I am just grrrrr right now. Oh, and ftr, it turns out they didn't go to the therapist multiple times. It was once. And I doubt they received any diagnosis on that day. I'm convinced this person is BPD and a Narcissist.

[Imnotalone]

I am going through a very similar experience. Even the same breakup time frame!

I literally did anything and everything to appease my ex's insecurities.

We are both fairly popular on social media as dumb as that sounds so anytime you're in a relationship that breeds trouble.
She hated that I followed girls. Ok done I'll unfollow all the models and miscellaneous ones that don't matter!
Turns out it's ok to follow them but it was the people I grew up with / went to school with were the issues. "Why do you follow all these sorority girls?"
Hmm I'm 22 years old so that's my friend group?


I have so many different stories this just was the most light hearted.
All in all its not easy to get over. Especially when the smear campaign starts. All of her friends point the finger at me and say I was the dysfunctional one. When showed unconditional love. My family embraced her as their own. She even lived with us for the year we were together. 

Truly black and white thinking. So sad.

[fromheeltoheal]

I am just grrrrr right now.

Kinda funny the way you put that, I know grrrrr well... .

Oh, and ftr, it turns out they didn't go to the therapist multiple times. It was once. And I doubt they received any diagnosis on that day. I'm convinced this person is BPD and a Narcissist.

Someone can exhibit significant traits of the disorder and not warrant a clinical diagnosis, in fact most member's partners here are subclinical, as it's called, but it doesn't really matter, the behaviors are the behaviors, and it's those behaviors and how they affect us, whether they're acceptable or not, that matters.

Interesting, you refer to your ex as "they".  Anyway, it's been 3 and a half weeks since you broke up again, and aside from all the social media shenanigans, how are you doing emotionally?

[drained1996]

Smear campaigns... .thought I was done with that in junior high... .but alas I was not.  I have been without my BPDexgf for over 2 years now, did have some LC until last December, and had one week in June I was sucked back in to help with her 18 yr old D. 
I started to see someone about 2 months ago... .and well, facebook hit the fan.  I am a Narcissist to the nth degree, somehow "cheated" on her several times even though we weren't together... .and oh yeah, it was all fabricated as I had not been with anyone else until this recent new r/s.  There were 4-5 posts, some several pages long, chock full of BPD BS.  The projection was palpable, and oh yeah, it was all my fault as she is now a healthy person.   
It's more than kind of sad, as everyone I know... .even the new gf could read right through the garbage... .at least after the second post anyway.  I just let it all go by and got to roll my eyes as numerous people laughingly called me Narc when I saw them. 
BPD is a sad illness, and where I used to have some empathy for my ex, it's nearly evaporated as she continues down the path of the hell her life will always be. 
I really felt nothing when notified of the posts. 

[Pretty Woman]

This really is classic BPD. Everyone is different yet it is amazing to me the similarities between people with this condition.

I went through the same thing you did many, many times until she finally discarded me for the person she has been seeing over the past year. They even moved in together.

We were together 4yrs and never lived together. How could we? She broke up with me every other month.

The smear campaign is one reason why I would never contemplate ever getting back together with my ex. I was smeared so badly it affected my job (her sister works with me). This relationship really hurt my life. I am still rebuilding over a year later.

I hope for your sake you see the real person now, stripped down, for what they are. Everything is about them and how awful YOU are. You aren't awful. This person treats everyone like this, unless you are their enabler.

Hugs to you. You are young. I know you will get through this.   

[iamexhausted]

I am just grrrrr right now.

Kinda funny the way you put that, I know grrrrr well... .

Oh, and ftr, it turns out they didn't go to the therapist multiple times. It was once. And I doubt they received any diagnosis on that day. I'm convinced this person is BPD and a Narcissist.

Someone can exhibit significant traits of the disorder and not warrant a clinical diagnosis, in fact most member's partners here are subclinical, as it's called, but it doesn't really matter, the behaviors are the behaviors, and it's those behaviors and how they affect us, whether they're acceptable or not, that matters.

Interesting, you refer to your ex as "they".  Anyway, it's been 3 and a half weeks since you broke up again, and aside from all the social media shenanigans, how are you doing emotionally?

I use "they" to keep it gender neutral. Old habit, I guess. I'm doing pretty well. I guess after 5 months of absolute BS and mind games, the 10 days has been much easier to get over. Plus, having seen how ex is acting on social media, I kind of feel lucky to have dodged the bullet again. Like, relieved that it's over and I don't have to go through more months of walking on eggshells, having to put serious thought into everything I say or do because they would twist it around into some kind of argument. The paranoia and made up scenarios that never happened were ridiculously hard to deal with because how do you even argue your case with someone that is convinced you've done them wrong? You can't win. Ever. So, I am doing well. Very well. Focusing on me and my great life and being thankful that I don't have to deal with that on a daily basis again. Thanks for asking!

[iamexhausted]

I hope for your sake you see the real person now, stripped down, for what they are. Everything is about them and how awful YOU are. You aren't awful. This person treats everyone like this, unless you are their enabler.

Hugs to you. You are young. I know you will get through this.   

Thanks. I definitely see them for who they are. It's sad that they feel so badly about themselves that they have to try to hurt other people. I'm glad it wasn't longer than the 10 days. I'm in my mid 30s so plenty of years left to enjoy life!

[fromheeltoheal]

So, I am doing well. Very well. Focusing on me and my great life and being thankful that I don't have to deal with that on a daily basis again.

So grrrr is gone?

[iamexhausted]

Smear campaigns... .thought I was done with that in junior high... .but alas I was not.  I have been without my BPDexgf for over 2 years now, did have some LC until last December, and had one week in June I was sucked back in to help with her 18 yr old D. 
I started to see someone about 2 months ago... .and well, facebook hit the fan.  I am a Narcissist to the nth degree, somehow "cheated" on her several times even though we weren't together... .and oh yeah, it was all fabricated as I had not been with anyone else until this recent new r/s.  There were 4-5 posts, some several pages long, chock full of BPD BS.  The projection was palpable, and oh yeah, it was all my fault as she is now a healthy person.   
It's more than kind of sad, as everyone I know... .even the new gf could read right through the garbage... .at least after the second post anyway.  I just let it all go by and got to roll my eyes as numerous people laughingly called me Narc when I saw them. 
BPD is a sad illness, and where I used to have some empathy for my ex, it's nearly evaporated as she continues down the path of the hell her life will always be. 
I really felt nothing when notified of the posts. 

That's the part of my current smear campaign that has me so perplexed. If we weren't together, how in the world did I cheat or betray ex? What I did in my months away from them is really none of their concern, and when we got back together in early August, they even said as much. Then once I was discarded again, NOW it's a big deal what I did while we were apart. So much ridiculousness. I mean I was open and honest about what I did while apart, which was to go on a couple of dates and have drinks, then briefly date someone exclusively, and in the end, they try to use my honesty against me in their efforts to somehow make me out to be a sad, broken, sex-crazed person. LMAO Whatever!

[GreenEyedMonster]

Unfortunately, my ex got what he wanted out of his smear campaigns.  I am sure to this day he takes zero responsibility for what happened.  I lost a lot of friends -- or people I thought were friends -- and nearly lost a lot of money and had harm done to my professional reputation.

After the other shoe finally dropped with this whole thing, I began to suffer from some more serious anxiety and depression symptoms, so I went to see a therapist, who has diagnosed me with PTSD from the string of threats I endured.  

I would offer this as a cautionary tale for anyone thinking of recycling with your ex.  If I would have gone total NC with mine from the beginning, I would have avoided a lot of this trauma and fallout.  I probably still would have lost friends, but it ended up that way either way.  :)o yourself a big favor and get out of blast radius.  The damage done to your psyche can be very subtle and come out in situations where you least expect it.

[iamexhausted]

So, I am doing well. Very well. Focusing on me and my great life and being thankful that I don't have to deal with that on a daily basis again.

So grrrr is gone?

LOL For now. I think the absolute filth that was put on Instagram about me was what had me so Grrrrrrr! I mean for weeks now it's been the silent treatment, then a little text here and there, then back to silent treatment, then back to "I love you so much. blah blah freaking blah" to them going on my Instagram and seeing some memes I'd posted in July, when we weren't even speaking to each other, and they screenshot those and texted me and from that point on, it was full on social media smear campaign against me while giving me the silent treatment.

I wanted to point out to them that not everything I post is about them, but they're completely delusional and think the world revolves around them so I don't think I could ever convince them otherwise. And really, I don't care if they think the memes were about them. I refuse to get into some pissing match with someone over their inaccurate assumptions and false allegations against me. I kept right on posting on IG whatever I wanted and figured if they want to wallow in their misery, well, good for them.  

[fromheeltoheal]

I kept right on posting on IG whatever I wanted and figured if they want to wallow in their misery, well, good for them.  

Yes, part of detaching is taking our power back, and part of that is living our lives the way we want.  And as I'm sure you know social media is a very poor form of communication, face to face being the most complete, the phone not as good but OK, in writing not good at all because we lose most of the communication and start to read between the lines, misinterpret, and all of that, and social media the worst, since we're all narcissistic there, putting our best foot forward for the world to see.

Take care of you!