Do they Become Jealous When She Finds You are Dating or with Someone New?

[confused1730]

Might seem a simple straightforward question but nothing seems so with BPD!

3 months out from ex uBPD girlfriend. She was quite vitriolic on the devaluation and final discard. Saw her before Christmas two days before I the car - didn't acknowledge each other then 10 hours after later I received the attention seeking text "Please refrain from driving dangerously to get my attention" - I did not respond as this would I guess be playing her game. I can only assume she is with a replacement or an ex - we were together 18 months and she has a history of short term relationships including two children from two dads - not that I am judging. Anyhow my question - given the last attention seeking text was from her as described above on 22nd December, how does she feel or will she feel when she finds out I am dating someone else? Even if she is with a replacement how would she feel as during the relationship her jealousy was almost pathological. I have not told her I am dating and seeing someone - what do people think or how will a BPD feel about this?

Any views appreciated!

[Targeted]

I think it is hard to tell Because everyone is different and even though they are disordered they are human too, if it helps, my ex had that same extreme level of jealousy that you explain here. About two months after breaking up she thought she saw me on my motorcycle with another girl, I was in my car at the time on my way from work but she felt she saw me on my motorcycle with another girl and feelings are now facts! My phone was blowing up with emails but I did not notice that because I do not have A ringtone or notification set for emails, she called the house, she tried calling my daughters phone which she is blocked on, I had just gotten my son A new phone and forgot to block her number in it so she wound up getting a hold of my son, he said she was bawling her eyes out crying so bad she could hardly talk,  he hung up on her And she kept calling and texting him, I told my son to just Block her phone number quickly, when I got off the phone with my son is when I checked my emails and there were about 20 of them, all ranging from where are you? Please don't let it be true? All the way through the emotional spectrum down to me being a rotten pig lying cheater, blah blah blah!   all of that and I was not even with anybody, so yes if your ex had that level of jealousy chances are pretty good there could be a S... .Storm over it, so just try to keep your cool relationship away from your exe's prying eyes.

[Hawk Ridge]

I am not sure.  It is what i am continually told, including by my therapist who asked me to not tell me expwBPD about my current relationship as she thinks she will try to zero in on me again.   I have a hard time understanding and accepting this as my expwBPD beat me up so much so much emotionally before she left without reason.  She mentions my replacements name to me on occasion so I tend to feel she is way over me despite the fact she she has bee contacting me since July and we now have a somewhat distant friendship that is working for me right now as I want to stay friends. Why would she care?  Anyway, I have heard of the attempted recycle upon hearing we have moved on.  As said above, we are all different people diseased or not.

[mitchell16]

when I went NC with my exBPDgf I didnt hear a thing from her, no calls, texts or emails. She didnt care she was off having fun doing whatever it was she did when we broke up. BUt once she heard I was dating someone the recycle attempts and harrassment went full force. I got phone calls, texts at 1 in the morning, beating on my house door at all hours, constant texts, messages, phone calls for nearly 5 months. I got some sort of contact from her daily for 5 months. I never repsonded to anything.  BUt what is funny in 2013 we stayed broke up for 8 months during that time she would text or call about every 2 to 3 weeks and i would respond and then nothing from her for another 2 or 3 weeks. NO desparation from her at all. Why? cause she knew I was still there waiting on her, she was getting her fix by me responding, she had all the power and she was fine. She knew I would be waiting when she decided she was tired of playing around and was ready to come back. This time when I decided to move on I went NC and stuck to it. She then got out of control desperate. She knew I was serious, her fish had flopped off the hook and was gone. NC and sticking to it was the best thing I ever did. Yes I missed her, still do. I still love her but love is not enough. I had to look at what I wanted in my life, what kind of life I wanted to live.

[Targeted]

Mitchell16,

I have a quick question, how long did it take your ex to realise you were serious with NC before she got out of control desperate?  What else did she do when she was out of control desperate? I am 51 days Total NC and my ex is trying to get me to talk to her, i'm just trying to be prepared for what may come.

[Lucky Jim]

how does she feel or will she feel when she finds out I am dating someone else?

Hey confused, No doubt it will trigger the insane jealousy that is part and parcel of BPD, yet I wonder what difference it makes to you.  Are you on some level hoping that she will come back to you?  What is it that you really want to see happen?  LuckyJim

[dobie]

Mine wanted me to meet someone else ... .

I think it would assuage her feelings of guilt

And of course "prove" to her sick mind I never really loved her

[mitchell16]

targeted, The crazy stuff started about 2 months after I told her to never contact me again. But it was about 2 weeks after she heard i had started dating. crazy behavior was comming to my job, coming to my house and beating my door, following me, none stop calling, texting all hours of the night. Having her friends and relatives texting me and calling me names.

she started trying to test the NC after about 3 weeks which is her norm after we break up. When i didnt respond she backed off for a few dasy to a week or so. Then then the first aplogy email came. Then the next one was asking for a second chance which would have really been about the 15 chance. Then the emails and texts turned vulgar and nasty calling me all kinds of names and such. Then she started contact exgf of mine from several yeasr ago to get her to bother me. just crazy stuff. but she only got deperate acting once I started dating and she heard about it.

[Targeted]

I just started another thread on this question, I am now 51 days NC, I got a Merry Christmas email that was taunting at the 24 Daymark, same thing about five days later, simple things that you could just easily blow off, then she wrote me a letter to which I did not respond, I think that made her question whether or not I was serious? Now voicemails wanting to talk to me about a family issue she is having going unanswered i'm sure is confirming it for her, I am not dating anyone because I think I need to heal from this first so hopefully IM safe from the super crazy!

[JRT]

I just started another thread on this question, I am now 51 days NC, I got a Merry Christmas email that was taunting at the 24 Daymark, same thing about five days later, simple things that you could just easily blow off, then she wrote me a letter to which I did not respond, I think that made her question whether or not I was serious? Now voicemails wanting to talk to me about a family issue she is having going unanswered i'm sure is confirming it for her, I am not dating anyone because I think I need to heal from this first so hopefully IM safe from the super crazy!

T... .I have forgotten, was it you that b/u or her?

[Targeted]

 , that depends on who you ask, me or her.

The Last night I was at her house I found her on two dating sites again for the last time and I told her I was done, she demanded I come to her house with my children The very next night or she's breaking up with me and going out with ----- for the weekend, .  I never saw her face-to-face again.  That was my last night of doing insanity!  Doing the same thing and expecting a different result.

[JRT]

I would say that you broke up... .sorry that you are going through this

[confused1730]

Lucky Jim - thanks. I guess what I am wanting rather bizarrely for her to contact me and then I don't respond - in other words reject her. I am not sure how she could find out about me dating as we have no mutual friends but I wondered if that insane jealousy continued even if you werent with them and they are probably idealising a new "soulmate".

[HappyNihilist]

Mine wanted me to meet someone else ... .

I think it would assuage her feelings of guilt

And of course "prove" to her sick mind I never really loved her

My ex seems to want me to meet someone else. And whenever he contacts me, he asks if I'm seeing anyone. I think it's probably for similar purposes. A part of him does want me to be happy. Another part of him feels guilty. Another part is just waiting for the chance to consider me the 'whore' that his disordered mind needs me to be.