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BPDFamily.com
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Romantic Relationship | Bettering a Relationship or Reversing a Breakup
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What issues do you bring - non BPD?
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Topic: What issues do you bring - non BPD? (Read 776 times)
vortex of confusion
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Gender:
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Posts: 3234
Re: What issues do you bring - non BPD?
«
Reply #30 on:
August 26, 2014, 01:12:09 PM »
Quote from: Moselle on August 26, 2014, 12:50:54 PM
Freud believed we select someone like our oppositely sexed parent, but it has been updated to account for the theory that we select a partner similar to the parent (male or female) with which we have 'unfinished business'. That is the parent that resulted in any gaps in our childhood emotional development. In a nutshell, I selected someone like my mother, who was domineering, critical, perfectionistic, BPD/Narcissistic, self absorbed and co-dependent. I wish I hadn't, but then perhaps it's an opportunity to develop the bits which were underdeveloped in me as a child.
Oooh, that explains why I am a female and ended up with somebody that is more like my mother than my father. My mother has never been emotionally available and always makes everything about her. In all honesty, it took me a while to realize that my husband wasn't much different. I had been conditioned to accept that kind of behavior.
I hadn't talked to my dad in a long time. I found out that my mother wasn't home so I gave dad a quick call and we were comparing notes about my husband and my mother. When he saw her pulling down the street, he told me and I quickly got off the phone because I knew that she would give him hell if he caught him on the phone. She would make some snarky remark about him talking to his girlfriends.
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This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members are welcomed to express frustration but must seek constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.
Bear60
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What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Posts: 41
Re: What issues do you bring - non BPD?
«
Reply #31 on:
August 26, 2014, 08:55:19 PM »
I lean towards perfectionism but also realize that everything cant be perfect. A little OCD along this line as well, I hate messy but am ok with and organized mess.
I don't know that I like to be right but I will argue when I am unless the other person is closed, if I don't know or unsure about things I wont argue. This gets me in trouble because people then feel like I think I am always right.
I can procrastinate with the best of them
I can go off on a tangent about something I'm really into as well. See the glazed over eyes often.
Controlling, I guess I come off this way, I don't think I always have to be in control but will step up when things need done.
Co-dependent, maybe more an enabler and this seems to be predominately in relationship.
Dad was hard, I was oldest on a farm and had to start very young. I am dyslexic and dad was not very good with it. I don't really have issues about this though... .I am smarter, better work ethic. I had to learn how to do things differently than most people, I was never in the box to begin with and better at thinking out side it because of dad.
I think BPD see all these thing negative and as issues within me
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ColdEthyl
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Gender:
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Romantic partner
Relationship status: Married 2 years
Posts: 1277
Re: What issues do you bring - non BPD?
«
Reply #32 on:
August 26, 2014, 11:39:32 PM »
I'm not surprised by these answers. What attracted me to my husband to begin with was his incredible intelligence, but also his honeyed words.
I have low self esteem, pretty sure I'm codependent. I don't trust most people, but when I do I am bluntly honest and open. I didn't go into this thinking I could fix him... .i learned that from my ex. But I thought the good outweighed the bad. When he hasn't torn me down... .I feel that way. But, in times like tonight after going through a rage... .I second guess everything.
I do have abandonment issues. My mother left when I was young, my stepmother told me and my brother daily how much she hated us... literally. I figured when I was a kid there must be something go wrong with me since my own mother didn't love me.
All I've ever wanted was one single person to love me and be there for me... .and I hook my wagon to someone who can't do it.
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123Phoebe
Staying and Undecided
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What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Romantic partner
Posts: 2070
Re: What issues do you bring - non BPD?
«
Reply #33 on:
August 27, 2014, 06:59:14 AM »
Quote from: Moselle on August 26, 2014, 12:50:54 PM
In a nutshell, I selected someone like my mother, who was domineering, critical, perfectionistic, BPD/Narcissistic, self absorbed and co-dependent. I wish I hadn't, but then perhaps it's an opportunity to develop the bits which were underdeveloped in me as a child.
Moselle , shhhh... .
(
no one is supposed to know that we're a couple
)
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Moselle
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Gender:
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Relationship status: Divorced
Posts: 1899
Every day is a gift. Live it fully
Re: What issues do you bring - non BPD?
«
Reply #34 on:
August 27, 2014, 07:10:31 AM »
Quote from: 123Phoebe on August 27, 2014, 06:59:14 AM
Moselle , shhhh... .
(
no one is supposed to know that we're a couple
)
Hah! Phoebs, I can't live like this any more. We should take our twenty minute BPDfam relationship into the open now.
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