Been oblivious? for a very long time

[fogrunner]

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[Turkish]

Hi fogrunner,

From your story, it sounds like you have read up on BPD already. The dominant emotional state of The Waif is "life's too hard," according to Lawson (have you read her book? See our review and discussion here).  It sounds like you kids have been rescuing her your whole lives.  It also sounds like you've correctly identified your surrogate spouse role.  I'm sorry that she did that to you,  a child. It's emotional or cover incest (see the banner articles at the top of the board for our discussion on it).

Do you have boundaries in mind for when you move out? We can certainly help there as well and also support you in separating and asserting your independence.



Turkish

[fogrunner]

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[Turkish]

On the romantic relationships boards, going strict NC is similar to "ghosting." In a few extreme cases,  it might be necessary.  In most cases,  it doesn't promote healing. 

I was LC with my mother after my 18th birthday.  I even moved out of state for 3 years,  but still called once a month,  visited once a year. So distance was a natural boundary.  After I moved back on-state, I saw her maybe one a month (I lived 120 miles away). I rescued her financially (sending her $5k to rescue her property from foreclosure just before I moved back) now and then,  and one time physically from people who had moved onto her property and it turned into a huge mess. 

Now, in my mid 40s, I went NC, though the opportunity to reestablish contact lies with me now. I know my mom will never call me,  even though she needs help (she's physically safe right now).

You have a long life to live. Even though I'm starting to get a little grizzled in the fur, so do I. I learned that it's possible to change, and was able to do it.  So,  too, are you able to change.  Take a look at the right margin Survivor's Guide-----> where would you see yourself at this moment?

A very senior member here once said,  "no one's coming to rescue us."

Borderlines desire to be rescued.  Maybe we all do.  We can know better,  though.  We will certainly support you here in your journey 

T