There Seems To Be Many Of These People

[Family Court Strategies: When Your Partner Has BPD OR NPD Traits.]

Yeah but that's all done and now I just like cute clothes and I have so many, why not wear them?

Like I said - I'm all for that!  It's great that you look good and have clothes that accentuate that.

I'm just saying factor that in when guys approach you - if you look like arm candy / trophy gf, some of the guys you're going to attract will only be into you for that reason.

I'll repeat what another poster said - there are good guys out there.  But then disagree with another one (who may not have been generalizing to ALL men)... .I dated two very beautiful women recently (one being my BPDex) but I was attracted to them for other reasons - and very much wanted an emotionally intimate relationship with them.  Unfortunately it turns out they couldn't reciprocate.  Looks weren't everything to me before - and now, even less so.  In fact it's almost turned into a negative, based on my experiences.

[When I was on a business trip a little while ago, there was a girl there that all the guys were saying was very attractive - at one point after I passed her, she followed me to my table and started flirting.  Found out she had seriously cut herself in the past and a few otherred-flag  .  From the start, I wasn't interested (she did look good tho) - but I played along for a bit - and pretty quick got to the "we're soul mates!" comment, which was my cue to leave.]

How about instead of dressing up and going to a bar - you dress up and go to a volunteer event?

Dressed up and went out with my son for Mother's Day.  Then went back with my son for dinner because they have a great happy hour menu.  Won't be dressing up and going anywhere

for a while except to work.  Too busy studying.  

As far as volunteering, I plan to make a donation to the charity of that 28 year old hockey player from the NY Rangers that died on Friday.  Tragic.  :)id you hear about it?  I am going to make a donation to his childrens' charity because my son was devestated by the news and I thought that it would be a nice gesture.

[ve01603]

Yeah but that's all done and now I just like cute clothes and I have so many, why not wear them?

Like I said - I'm all for that!  It's great that you look good and have clothes that accentuate that.

I'm just saying factor that in when guys approach you - if you look like arm candy / trophy gf, some of the guys you're going to attract will only be into you for that reason.

I'll repeat what another poster said - there are good guys out there.  But then disagree with another one (who may not have been generalizing to ALL men)... .I dated two very beautiful women recently (one being my BPDex) but I was attracted to them for other reasons - and very much wanted an emotionally intimate relationship with them.  Unfortunately it turns out they couldn't reciprocate.  Looks weren't everything to me before - and now, even less so.  In fact it's almost turned into a negative, based on my experiences.

[When I was on a business trip a little while ago, there was a girl there that all the guys were saying was very attractive - at one point after I passed her, she followed me to my table and started flirting.  Found out she had seriously cut herself in the past and a few otherred-flag  .  From the start, I wasn't interested (she did look good tho) - but I played along for a bit - and pretty quick got to the "we're soul mates!" comment, which was my cue to leave.]

How about instead of dressing up and going to a bar - you dress up and go to a volunteer event?

Dressed up and went out with my son for Mother's Day.  Then went back with my son for dinner because they have a great happy hour menu.  Won't be dressing up and going anywhere

for a while except to work.  Too busy studying.  

As far as volunteering, I plan to make a donation to the charity of that 28 year old hockey player from the NY Rangers that died on Friday.  Tragic.  :)id you hear about it?  I am going to make a donation to his childrens' charity because my son was devestated by the news and I thought that it would be a nice gesture.

[T2H]

As far as volunteering, I plan to make a donation to the charity of that 28 year old hockey player from the NY Rangers that died on Friday.  Tragic.  :)id you hear about it?

Yeah, very sad.  Good of you to do what you can to help.  I wonder if there are any more causes - for helping kids in person - that might increase the opportunities of meeting some single dads who are decent guys.

Good luck with your studying!

[ve01603]

As far as volunteering, I plan to make a donation to the charity of that 28 year old hockey player from the NY Rangers that died on Friday.  Tragic.  :)id you hear about it?

Yeah, very sad.  Good of you to do what you can to help.  I wonder if there are any more causes - for helping kids in person - that might increase the opportunities of meeting some single dads who are decent guys.

Good luck with your studying!

Thanks for the support but I'm doing well.  I will meet someone when the time is right.  Can't force it.  Back to the books.

[The Ride]

I find it interesting that these men steer away from high maintenance women... .maybe because they are high maintenance too?

Here is an interesting link I found to an interview with Sandra L Brown, author of "How to Spot a Dangerous Man".  Her answer to question number three is interesting.

www.girlfriendbooks.com/?p=187

[seeking balance]

Thanks.  Excellent post 2010, as usual.  I did a copy and paste so I can go back and reread it until it sinks in as there is alot of food for thought there.

I'm still curious to know how someone can pick a vulnerable person out of a room of people without even talking to them first.  I'll let you all know what I find out. 

Look at yourself, your childhood, how you learned to value yourself and what you base your own sense of self on.  From this self anayzing, you will be able to let us know how you have been picked out of the crowd by PD's.  It is through self analysis that we change the energy we put out into the crowd... .T2H gave you a good starting place - dig deeper and see what you come up with.

Overall, I think we need to be careful not to label all emotionally immature people or addicts as PD - there is a difference.  I know when I first joined here, I was prone to seeing PD's everywhere - but going back to the actual 9 criteria for BPD; many emotionally immature or addicts have 3 or 4 traits - but it takes more than that to be an actual PD.