Interrogatories / accounts / venting

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After over two years separation ( on paper) the divorce continues indefinitely .

When the discoveries for me to answer , and I was with past L, started fall 2012, I had to give current balances of all accounts. I questioned that and was told to answer. ( current is after h received the divorce papers so why do I have to give my current personal account info? I even closed and reopened with new #'s)

New L , went over this again many times, many hours. The "current" turned into spring 2013 account balances. Why ?  I asked again. My current info should not be considered a marital asset anymore. Answer the questions in detail.  I got nothing on x2bh current account balances.

My L sent a draft to me  of what is and value to marital and non martial assets.  He used my account balance form spring 2013.  It did not match what I knew what was in the joint account. (few$).     He said that is the info I gave him and what is in a checking account is considered marital asset.  I politely argued assertively my point that post separation in my individual account is my money . ( when a women does she is not looked upon nicely)

No funds have been comingled into joint account for some time.

So L said to give him the balances on the day of when h received the divorce papers . That will be presented to the other side And we will go from there. Ok  I will but two ago for banks does does not come up on line. Especially after I had closed an account. If the bank does not have it , at least I have an old fashioned hand written bank book. H had taken the paper statements I had for that date. (Even though I moved a lot of papers out of the house, not enough, don't assume the other spouse won't clean them out)

So to new ones just starting this process,  have bank statements a year past, and current balances on the day spouse receives divorce papers. Keep them secure from x2bspouse. When the question comes up in the interrogatories, question the exact date ( I did but to no avail) of when account balances are needed. Or any date of anything. Have it in writing.

Keep all originals in order in files and keep a log of what was given to your L , with a date.  So when asked again you can say it's already in your hands or you can find it easily to copy and give again.

In the long run I think my L will save me money but these minor details are costing me  time and money.

[whirlpoollife]

After over two years separation ( on paper) the divorce continues indefinitely .

When the discoveries for me to answer , and I was with past L, started fall 2012, I had to give current balances of all accounts. I questioned that and was told to answer. ( current is after h received the divorce papers so why do I have to give my current personal account info? I even closed and reopened with new #'s)

New L , went over this again many times, many hours. The "current" turned into spring 2013 account balances. Why ?  I asked again. My current info should not be considered a marital asset anymore. Answer the questions in detail.  I got nothing on x2bh current account balances.

My L sent a draft to me  of what is and value to marital and non martial assets.  He used my account balance form spring 2013.  It did not match what I knew what was in the joint account. (few$).     He said that is the info I gave him and what is in a checking account is considered marital asset.  I politely argued assertively my point that post separation in my individual account is my money . ( when a women does she is not looked upon nicely)

No funds have been comingled into joint account for some time.

So L said to give him the balances on the day of when h received the divorce papers . That will be presented to the other side And we will go from there. Ok  I will but two ago for banks does does not come up on line. Especially after I had closed an account. If the bank does not have it , at least I have an old fashioned hand written bank book. H had taken the paper statements I had for that date. (Even though I moved a lot of papers out of the house, not enough, don't assume the other spouse won't clean them out)

So to new ones just starting this process,  have bank statements a year past, and current balances on the day spouse receives divorce papers. Keep them secure from x2bspouse. When the question comes up in the interrogatories, question the exact date ( I did but to no avail) of when account balances are needed. Or any date of anything. Have it in writing.

Keep all originals in order in files and keep a log of what was given to your L , with a date.  So when asked again you can say it's already in your hands or you can find it easily to copy and give again.

In the long run I think my L will save me money but these minor details are costing me  time and money.

[ForeverDad]

Surely you can call the bank or walk into a branch and ask for past statements in the time period you need?  There may be fees of course.

[whirlpoollife]

Yes I can but I already did this extensivly twice with long history of where all money came from.

And much $ to L's going over it with a fine tooth comb.

These interogotories questions were what was sent to first L , which I did answer with current  three month "post filing" account balances.  New L , nine months after that current account balance he wants current account balances , a year after filing. I questioned  L then as to why current and not when we were married to when I filed .  He said because the interogotories ask it.  I could not understand why when it is my personal account I use for my current bills. 

So post filing divorce money that I have in my account from my post filing income got figured into marital assets to be divided.

H has to show nothing.  Nothing of his accounts nothing of his business accounts no past no current. (I did his bookkeeping too oh well )

Ok so I got a little frustrated.

[ForeverDad]

So he just didn't respond to the interrogatories?  Mine didn't either.  I don't care if they asked for current information, that shouldn't force what you provided  in the middle of the divorce to be used.  I would assume you could just provide the filing date status.  And then not 'agree' to the mid-process numbers unless the judge specifically orders otherwise.

If he didn't provide his data at all, then how can you divide assets?

[broken3]

Join the club. I gave bank statements mortgages, tax returns, leins, credit cards and everything I could think of.

She just showed up with a couple of pay stubs. Denied having 13K worth of credit card debt, and said I paid off a loan without a single piece of paper to prove herself.

This system is a joke.

[whirlpoollife]

On h's interrogatories , his answers were, " ask whirlpool" or "whirlpool knows about this more than I do" . No account totals.  I was going over this with L today. He said h's business is income not really assets so it's not worth anything. I asked what about the balance in the accounts. Well... . Oh well.  But my amounts in accounts will be the  day of divorce complaint and same for joint accounts. Which is much less. We will see how the other side questions it and go from there.

I spoke up and someone (L) heard and followed through. It feels strange, I feel guilty in a way to have that authority but glad I didn't just say ok (and not question the figures).

Whatever , it's a start. L said that the four of us will sit down to try to negotiate a settlement first. Omy

broken3 , I'm in . Thanks

[Forestaken]

Join the club. I gave bank statements mortgages, tax returns, leins, credit cards and everything I could think of.

She just showed up with a couple of pay stubs. Denied having 13K worth of credit card debt, and said I paid off a loan without a single piece of paper to prove herself.

This system is a joke.

The system is a joke.  My Xw's L told the court(in front of S22) "I believe my client is penniless and only has a high school diplomia" - My Xw cleaned out the kids' college fund ($70K) and has a degree from a private university.

J (previous case was a deadbeat dad) ordered me to pay $7.5K of her legal expenses.

I keep my bank statements lean.  Her L constantly asks about my account balance. 

[livednlearned]

On h's interrogatories , his answers were, " ask whirlpool" or "whirlpool knows about this more than I do" . No account totals.  I was going over this with L today. He said h's business is income not really assets so it's not worth anything. I asked what about the balance in the accounts. Well... . Oh well.  But my amounts in accounts will be the  day of divorce complaint and same for joint accounts. Which is much less. We will see how the other side questions it and go from there.

I spoke up and someone (L) heard and followed through. It feels strange, I feel guilty in a way to have that authority but glad I didn't just say ok (and not question the figures).

Whatever , it's a start. L said that the four of us will sit down to try to negotiate a settlement first.

That is really good you said something! Good for you, whirlpool. I for one am proud of you  

When your stbx says, "Ask whirlpool" how about responding, "Ok then, let whirlpool have access to the accounts."

Maybe ask your L if you have to disclose. I don't understand how people like FD's ex and Forestaken's ex could get away with not disclosing.

Also, it might be worth asking your L how much of the interrogatory is necessary. What are the consequences of not disclosing the current amount? Meaning, is there leeway there that your L can in good faith let you slide by with? When my ex sent discovery and interrogatory items that were ridiculous, my L wrote back, "This is ridiculous. No." I was relieved!

Keep poking your L to be your advocate. They are people, they sometimes don't see the whole picture. I just spent 20 minutes telling my lawyer what our strategy needs to be. She is good, but I've been on the defensive for almost four years. We need to tell our Ls to adopt an offensive strategy if they aren't doing that for us.

[david]

 I received interogatories from my xBPDw atty in 2009. It was about 20 pages long. It had lots of questions about all kinds of things. I simply answered NA for the majority of them. I answered the questions I thought pertained to our situation. It was sent back to me since I had not completed it to her atty's satisfaction. I sent the same thing back. I figured ex would have to produce evidence to the contrary and then I would have to respond. Ex did nothing.

Ex was very interested in my retirement plans. I have a lot in both types of IRA's. Ex has a small 401k plan. When we were in conference ex's atty brought up my IRA's. My atty turned around and said that his client's position was that his IRA's were his and ex's 401k was hers. If ex wanted to continue in that area he would request the courts to ( I forget the name but it is a form that wants very specific info on every move in her 401k). It becomes a long drawn out process and costs $$$$ on ex's part. Her atty backed down after that.

If his answers were ask whirlpool, etc then you by default are the person with the correct info. Give them what you think is important and stick to your guns. They have to come up with a counter. Otherwise, your info is what will be used.

My ex's interogatory was filled with all kinds of things that I had no idea about. Yes, it was a bunch of lies and bs. However, it added up to 1.2 million dollars. We had nowhere near that amount. The majority of her claims were easy to dispute. Her major theme was that I stole all the valuables and she wanted them back or the money value. She had a 5 or 6 page detailed list of the things I stole from her. I had evidence that she in fact had most of the things she claimed I had so I agreed with her assessment of the value. I simply asked for half in cash and she could keep all the things. The conference was the first time her atty got to see some of my proof that ex in fact had the majority of things on her clients list. Her atty took ex out of the room and we quickly settled after that. I viewed it as a game. I learned the rules and figured out how to win. If you can find a way to agree with something ex said and turn it into an advantage for you that is the best course of action to win. Judges in divorce court like agreements and will follow them even if they are ridiculous.

[Forestaken]

Ex was very interested in my retirement plans. I have a lot in both types of IRA's. Ex has a small 401k plan. When we were in conference ex's atty brought up my IRA's. My atty turned around and said that his client's position was that his IRA's were his and ex's 401k was hers. If ex wanted to continue in that area he would request the courts to ( I forget the name but it is a form that wants very specific info on every move in her 401k). It becomes a long drawn out process and costs $$$$ on ex's part. Her atty backed down after that.


Judges in divorce court like agreements and will follow them even if they are ridiculous.

X's & X's L's love to go after non's retirement accounts

My T told me about divorce court: "J's have heard it all before, it's only about the finances"

[whirlpoollife]

My L says h is not worth anything financially and not worth going after what he has.

(That is where I argued then why my current , this months, balances. And not his. )

In the next draft my L used the balances of the filing date. And we will see what happens.[quote


author=livednlearned link=topic=227896.msg12453546#msg12453546 date=1403903464]That is really good you said something! Good for you, whirlpool. I for one am proud of you 


Maybe ask your L if you have to disclose. I don't understand how people like FD's ex and Forestaken's ex could get away with not disclosing.

Also, it might be worth asking your L how much of the interrogatory is necessary. What are the consequences of not disclosing the current amount?

Keep poking your L to be your advocate. They are people, they sometimes don't see the whole picture.

Thank you LnL for understanding the "self inventory" aspect of this

Interogotories started with my past L , from h's past L. When my current L looked them over he wanted me to fill out everything. I think for him to get a feel for the finance issues. ( I feel h in his mind felt I was using his money for my personal use when in reality it was the opposite. )

My L referred to this D as not dividing assets but that I am being sued for my assets. So we have to come up with all the facts to protect them. There are laws but it's an equitable state.

L does not see the whole picture. When he asks why I am divorcing h, I feel like I am trial. Last year L said h is not that bad because h does not harass him and is following court orders for custody. There is a different atty for custody. I had to explain the phone call situation, the PA issues etc.  I quit counseling then because I blamed me again.

This year I have gone back sometimes to counseling.

L went over it again recently. I have had major issues with eye contact. L says that if I don't look at the divorce master in the eye he will think I'm lying.  I have come along way on that issue though.

At this point I tell my self to "cut the emotions it's a business deal" with my L too. If he brings up as the why I think I will tell him to keep doing what he is doing on the finances and that I will deal with the emotional end if things.

Thank you ALL for the questions, insight and experiences

I will keep it in mind as I near the beginning of the end.

[Iwillthrive]

All this is terrifyingly familiar. My stbx is going after my retirement accounts, too. I haven't worked since 1996. We were married in 1997. I have to keep providing more information and stbx L says I am withholding information. I am not. I am SURE stbx is. That's probably why he thinks I am. I swear he spends the time he should be working - working instead on ways to harass and intimidate me. I suggested stbx move out last week rather than spend 5 nights a week in expensive hotels. He told me to move out. I just might.