She made a promise a while back to help me get closure, but the questions I asked had the same answers as before so that didn't really help much, but Ive been over her for a little while now.
It's important to resolve this without her. Involving her will be frustrating to you and shaming or feel clingy to her. This is the most common mistake members make when getting together - trying to get the partner to resolve old wounds.
I have set boundaries for our new "friendship." We're only at the texting stage right now. I'm just a little worried this is all a set up to try to get me back in the relationship, but now I'm feeling like i really trapped her before.
It doesn't sound like you are ready for this... .you sound very vulnerable. If you are vulnerable and "triggery", just about any "ebb and flow" will feel like generate crisis for you.
You really have to work on yourself more than her - get yourself to a stronger state, not be co-dependent on her for your good feelings, be detached enough to roll with the ups and downs, be open enough for something to grow. Tall order right now.
You can try to micro-manage her interface, but don't fool yourself into thinking that will protect you from you own vulnerabilities, wounds, and triggers - mastering your own psyche is really what is needed here.