Unfortunate development

[Blazing Star]

Have been thinking of you Wave. 

Great that you feel equipped to provide support! Hope you are managing to find some time for you too.

Love Blazing Star

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[yeeter]

 

[daylily]

   Hi Wave, I'm just seeing this entire post now.  If you take care of your partner with even half of the effort and inspiration that you give to all of us here at the site, she's in great hands while she copes with this illness.   

[waverider]

Just got back from follow up appointment. Its stage IIIC, tumour was 7cm, 10 lymph nodes affected, 50/50 long term survival.

Both in shock at the moment

[MammaMia]

Waverider

I am so sorry. This is not the result anyone expected.  Of course, you are in shock.

I suspect chemo/radiation may be done regardless of the mastectomy surgery.  Have they done a PET scan? 

You have many friends here for support, and BPDF has a GREAT BIG shoulder.  Praying for you and your wife. 

[Maryiscontrary]

yes, we are here for you.

[GreenMango]

  to you both.

[Clearmind]

Sorry to hear - a big   to you both.

[waverider]

I suspect chemo/radiation may be done regardless of the mastectomy surgery.  Have they done a PET scan? 

Chemo was always on the cards, radiation was pending pathology result. Chemo will be injection and tabs probably.

Not sure about PET scan they have done CT and will be having a bone scan on Monday.

[MammaMia]

Waverider

Good luck on Monday.  I am sure your wife is in very capable hands. 

Please keep us posted.

[briefcase]

 

That is shocking news.  I am praying for her and you. 

[daylily]

I'm so sorry Wave.  I'm thinking of you and your partner.   

[LetItBe]

I know that's shocking.  Sending prayers and love to both of you.

[Grey Kitty]

  I was hoping for better news.

I wish there was something I could say to make sense of it or make it better.

[laelle]

I am so sorry Waverider.  My thoughts and prayers are with you and your wife. 

[Blazing Star]

    

Really feeling for you Wave.

Love Blazing Star

[waverider]

3-6 months of chemo ahead followed by 5 days a week for 5 weeks of radiotherapy. Probably hormone therapy too. Find out results of bone scan on friday, hopefully it hasn't got into bones.

[Maryiscontrary]

Oh my. Do you think she has the mental and physical strength for this?

[Suzn]

 

Sending you healing thoughts and prayers Wave.

[waverider]

Oh my. Do you think she has the mental and physical strength for this?

On the surface no, but sometimes serious issues can wash away much of the trivial outlooks previously held.

Obsessing over it and depression, especially once the side effects of chemo kick in will be hard.

[Mara2]

I'm so sorry.  Praying that her bones will be clear.  

[Maryiscontrary]

As this comes off harsh, what is truly fragile in nature will break. Not just physically, but mentally.

Does she realize what she needs to really do to beat this? I mean, really clean house. Impeccable nutritional, physical, and psychological management.

I say this because my mother did not have what it takes, and though she went though chemo once because the doctor talked her into it, I talked her out of a second round, as it would have been an exercise in futility and added immense pain for no payoff. I tried with my grandmother, but she was she was brainwashed by the money grubbing sociopath doctor, it was to no avail.  She died in agony, and it could have been averted. I tried with my young uncle who had stage iii, but he went full into it, and died an undignified, agonizing death for nothing. His doctors were very enriched, however.

I have taught 1000 plus student of the medical professions of all types.  I am well aware of the patterns of cancer, and what a person is likely going to be up against. From what you have told us, this battle is going to require almost super human stamina, and extreme attention to all life details on her part. Is she willing to do the paradigm shift?  

I am saying as a scientist and expert in this, the people that survive this kind of disease and treatment are the ones that have their ducks perfectly and immaculately in a row. If they don't, they and their loved ones suffer extreme pain, zero life quality, and indignity for no reason.

I know I am touching a raw nerve, and I apologize if this hurts. My father had a life threatening illness and almost died a few years ago. He self abused all of his life until that point, but he got his act together and was immaculate in his efforts of recovery, and worked like a dog at it. It mostly broke his extreme narcissism, as a matter of fact. But if he didn't get his head straight,he would be dead, like my mother, at way too young of age.

[MammaMia]

waverider

Stay strong.  Please know you are being thought about and prayed for.  We wish you and your wife

comfort and hope during this very emotional and difficult time.  Take care.

[waverider]

As this comes off harsh, what is truly fragile in nature will break. Not just physically, but mentally.

Does she realize what she needs to really do to beat this? I mean, really clean house. Impeccable nutritional, physical, and psychological management.

I say this because my mother did not have what it takes, and though she went though chemo once because the doctor talked her into it, I talked her out of a second round, as it would have been an exercise in futility and added immense pain for no payoff. I tried with my grandmother, but she was she was brainwashed by the money grubbing sociopath doctor, it was to no avail.  She died in agony, and it could have been averted. I tried with my young uncle who had stage iii, but he went full into it, and died an undignified, agonizing death for nothing. His doctors were very enriched, however.

I have taught 1000 plus student of the medical professions of all types.  I am well aware of the patterns of cancer, and what a person is likely going to be up against. From what you have told us, this battle is going to require almost super human stamina, and extreme attention to all life details on her part. Is she willing to do the paradigm shift?  

I am saying as a scientist and expert in this, the people that survive this kind of disease and treatment are the ones that have their ducks perfectly and immaculately in a row. If they don't, they and their loved ones suffer extreme pain, zero life quality, and indignity for no reason.

I know I am touching a raw nerve, and I apologize if this hurts. My father had a life threatening illness and almost died a few years ago. He self abused all of his life until that point, but he got his act together and was immaculate in his efforts of recovery, and worked like a dog at it. It mostly broke his extreme narcissism, as a matter of fact. But if he didn't get his head straight,he would be dead, like my mother, at way too young of age.

You are quite right in what you say and that answer to this is unknown. It is also my concern. BUT and this is the unknown, she has extreme obsessive behavior and is driven by this to either extreme effort or zero effort depending if the impulse kicks in.

When she was younger she was an extreme gym/fitness junkie to the point of concerning excess. But when she stops wouldn't walk to the corner store. It has been the same with anything if she applies herself she will push herself way past the point of exhaustion and natural failure that would apply to anyone else. The difficulty is kick starting that obsession. There is no normal levels of effort. Could train for a marathon but not for normal fitness.

Down side is she is hypochondriac by nature so can make a mountain of the slightest ailment. Serious side effects of real illness may jolt her into reality, and constant contact with medical profession will not be alien to her.

To be honest mentally it could go either way. To not go through treatment would not allow her to live a happy and oblivious life, as she would still obsess about it and maximize any ailments. I think to actually fight it will at least give a real focus. She will have a real tangible enemy rather than fearing shadows.

[waverider]

At the end of the day, the effort made will be her choice. I can only encourage i cant make anything happen

[Grey Kitty]

Wave, it is true you can't make anything happen--that is on her.

But give yourself some credit--by knowing this, you are going to support her where appropriate, and other than that, get out of the way and let her deal with it the best she can.

Many people are capable of becoming an extra problem when dealing with something like this. (Yes, I am dealing with some medical issues in my wife's family... .   and some other family members are making it worse!)

And we're all rooting for both you and your wife in the meantime. 

[waverider]

Many people are capable of becoming an extra problem when dealing with something like this. (Yes, I am dealing with some medical issues in my wife's family... .   and some other family members are making it worse!)

Definitely experiencing this, some people step up to the mark, others disappear and some totally devalue the significance.

Support without pressure is the go I think.

[Maryiscontrary]

Oh my. Try to minimize contact with anybody who is not 100% supportive. True colors will abound.

[zaqsert]

Hi Waverider,

Wishing you and your wife as smooth a journey through this as you can possibly have.  You're in my thoughts.   

zaqsert

[waverider]

Bone scans clear chemo starts in 3 weeks once surgery wound is fully healed. Followed by radiotherapy 5 days per week for 5 weeks

I will lock this thread now as its getting a bit long for the staying board.

Any further related issues worth bringing up will form a new thread

Thanks for all the support I have received it has made a big difference