Hearing this week. Getting nervous.

[Family Court Strategies: When Your Partner Has BPD OR NPD Traits.]

We go in front of the judge this week with our temp parenting plan.  The last time, he sent us to mediation with the words "You are within your right to ask this, and should get it, but I am going to send you to mediation to figure it out and will not grant it today." He also stated we would "Have it worked out well before Summer, so these other issues (holidays activities etc) will be fine, they fall after that time."

SO, mediation was a total bust. Surprise surprise. And our attorney said it would be worth a shot to try to get in there and modify, since the trial is set for October.

Now, what is freaking me out is that the last two times we went to court, she has always filed a response.  This time there has been no response filed.

Also, the last email she sent said something about "In the future please send all mail to my lawyer" but as far as we know she is not/has never been represented.  She did not give a name or anything, that was literally all she said.

Typically, we only have our attorney help us with writing these motions, but we go unrepresented for the motion hearings.  Do you know if she has to inform us if she is going to show up with an attorney? Right now it is listed as a Pro Sey hearing.

Also, what could her angle be by not responding?

She has just gone radio silent, even though there is a bunch of stuff this week related to the child that she would usually respond about as well.

I like to always be prepared for her angles.  She is usually somewhat predictable in the court situation. This behavior is totally new for her.  Any ideas on what we might be expecting?

[hell0kitty]

We go in front of the judge this week with our temp parenting plan.  The last time, he sent us to mediation with the words "You are within your right to ask this, and should get it, but I am going to send you to mediation to figure it out and will not grant it today." He also stated we would "Have it worked out well before Summer, so these other issues (holidays activities etc) will be fine, they fall after that time."

SO, mediation was a total bust. Surprise surprise. And our attorney said it would be worth a shot to try to get in there and modify, since the trial is set for October.

Now, what is freaking me out is that the last two times we went to court, she has always filed a response.  This time there has been no response filed.

Also, the last email she sent said something about "In the future please send all mail to my lawyer" but as far as we know she is not/has never been represented.  She did not give a name or anything, that was literally all she said.

Typically, we only have our attorney help us with writing these motions, but we go unrepresented for the motion hearings.  Do you know if she has to inform us if she is going to show up with an attorney? Right now it is listed as a Pro Sey hearing.

Also, what could her angle be by not responding?

She has just gone radio silent, even though there is a bunch of stuff this week related to the child that she would usually respond about as well.

I like to always be prepared for her angles.  She is usually somewhat predictable in the court situation. This behavior is totally new for her.  Any ideas on what we might be expecting?

[DreamGirl]

I can see why you are nervous. I hate court and I hate unpredictability.  

It's my understanding that if she's going to be represented that the attorney is required to inform you, because the legal correspondence does have to be thru the attorneys.

I think it's OK to go to hearing expecting an attorney. Keeps you top knotch and on your game.

Would you change anything at all even if you knew her angles and there was an attorney there?  

[ForeverDad]

Expect some sort of allegations and accusations.  She will come armed with "emotional facts" that have no merit beyond being emotionally compelling.  Hopefully the judge won't be swayed and stick to what really matters.

[hell0kitty]

We had the hearing today. Total bust. She showed up this time with an advocate AND an attorney.  She was wearing a dress that really showed off her baby bump too. Sat and cried and cried while we waited.  The advocate kept holding her while she sobbed into a handful of tissue.  Now, keep in mind, this is all about ballet.  You would think they were there for a DV claim or something how she went on and an with the crying.  Since her attorney didn't check in, we got bumped to the very last.  So for 4 hours we watched her quietly sobbing and holding her advocate. Advocate glaring at us. 

It was pretty highly dramatic.

Judge said that we have to go to dispute resolution regarding ballet.  Turns out, and I do not know how our own lawyer missed this, but we actually have to go to dispute resolution for all of these issues, when that fails THEN we are allowed to go to court.  Even though we explained that she has turned it away 3 times now for other things, because we wrote it in the plan, the judge says we are not to go to court for any subject unless it has gone through taht refusal process first.

One step forward, two steps back.

I just keep telling myself it gets better.

We also got the gem that they won't allow us to make any changes to the plan until the trial, in October. BOO!

Feeling frustrated.

She wasn't happy either though.  After Dispute resolution was ordered, she started really sobbing.  She just wants to say no, and not have to discuss it.  She can't understand why my BF keeps on harassing her over these things... .   

[ForeverDad]

I had something like that happen to me too, though a bit reversed.  I think it was when our final decree was barely dry and ex had taken son on a vacation without proper notice - I didn't even know son was gone until I went to pick him up for an overnight she had traded to me by her own request and by then she was already a couple states away.  I tried to start with mediation since lawyer said that was the first step but she refused, so armed with that refusal we went to court and the magistrate said that issue didn't require mediation.  Go figure.

My lawyer had also said it was a slam dunk case but magistrate ruled there was no Contempt of Court, she had an "inability to comply" and wasn't "technically" in contempt since the old order (not complied with) had just ended a few weeks before the vacation and the new order (though less strict on the vacation time but also not complied with) was too new to give her time to give notice.

I've learned that technicalities favor the one who is in the wrong - or are generally applied that way.

We also got the gem that they won't allow us to make any changes to the plan until the trial, in October. BOO!

Same here too.  A year into my divorce case the court's own social worker's Parenting Investigation report recommended I move up from alternate weekends to equal time.  Court didn't change a thing, just ordered the next step, a custody evaluation.  Five months later the initial CE report considered by the county's judge stated her temporary custody should end immediately but court changed nothing and proceeded to the next step, a settlement conference.  Nothing changed during the nearly two year case, not until it ended.

[hell0kitty]

Thanks, I appreciate you telling me that. This gives me hope.   

The only good thing about waiting until October, is that she will have her new baby by then, and will be in the weeds. Having just had a baby myself, I know how difficult it is to juggle, and I don't have a PD.  I don't think she will be able to juggle the two kids with her fragile mental state.  I am hoping by that time she might be more willing to let us have a little more time. 

One of the good things the judge did yesterday was look at her and say, "This is ridiculous. There is no reason this child should not be able to perform in a recital she has been rehearsing for. This is not about parenting time, this is about your relationship with your child.  You need to find a way to figure this out."

So, there were some small victories.

[DreamGirl]

One of the good things the judge did yesterday was look at her and say, "This is ridiculous. There is no reason this child should not be able to perform in a recital she has been rehearsing for. This is not about parenting time, this is about your relationship with your child.  You need to find a way to figure this out."

I'm so glad he said this to her. 

[ForeverDad]

One of the good things the judge did yesterday was look at her and say, "This is ridiculous. There is no reason this child should not be able to perform in a recital she has been rehearsing for. This is not about parenting time, this is about your relationship with your child.  You need to find a way to figure this out."

I'm so glad he said this to her. 

And yet the judge probably won't remember that at the next appearance in court months from now and you'll have to remind the judge about it or else the judge might yet again tell her "This is ridiculous... .  " and not recall that it was already said.  At some point the judge will have to step in and actually make some decisions but that won't happen if the judge isn't aware he's been repeating himself.

[mamachelle]

One of the good things the judge did yesterday was look at her and say, "This is ridiculous. There is no reason this child should not be able to perform in a recital she has been rehearsing for. This is not about parenting time, this is about your relationship with your child.  You need to find a way to figure this out."

So, there were some small victories.

Yes, yes ... .  good to hear this at least, and I agree that with a new baby she will probably be beside her herself for a while. Also agree with Forever Dad... .