How things can change with BPD

[Parents! Get help here!]

Well, I was quite upset first two weeks of having new gs, dd, wouldnt let me have him and pushed me away. Then last week I got a text from her, could I have him over night?

Then yesterday, I really need you to have him for a few days. Wow, I would never have believed it, and I always fall for it, I mean listening and taking at her word.

Thing is, its a bit strange, I love him and I really want to have him, he is an easy baby. She hasnt really given me a proper reason why. Just says she is tired, I asked her dh if she is ok, he said yes she is just tired.

I picked baby up at 11.30, and I asked her dh if I could speak to dd he said she was asleep. Sounds odd to me. She seems so secretive.

Shes been going out with baby every day, always just to shops, she will get train into London to go shopping with him and other shopping centres. I think she is doing too much and maybe burnt herself out which is what I predicted. Also, she is constantly feeding him, I just do it every 4 hours and he drinks the whole lot, then I get breaks because he is happy and has a good sleep. No wonder she is tired, plus the medication she is on.

She texted me last night to ask if he is ok, she feels so guilty leaving him, but Im only up the road, she can come anytime.

Oh well, I just love him. Off to Church now to show him off to all my friends.  

[heronbird]

Well, I was quite upset first two weeks of having new gs, dd, wouldnt let me have him and pushed me away. Then last week I got a text from her, could I have him over night?

Then yesterday, I really need you to have him for a few days. Wow, I would never have believed it, and I always fall for it, I mean listening and taking at her word.

Thing is, its a bit strange, I love him and I really want to have him, he is an easy baby. She hasnt really given me a proper reason why. Just says she is tired, I asked her dh if she is ok, he said yes she is just tired.

I picked baby up at 11.30, and I asked her dh if I could speak to dd he said she was asleep. Sounds odd to me. She seems so secretive.

Shes been going out with baby every day, always just to shops, she will get train into London to go shopping with him and other shopping centres. I think she is doing too much and maybe burnt herself out which is what I predicted. Also, she is constantly feeding him, I just do it every 4 hours and he drinks the whole lot, then I get breaks because he is happy and has a good sleep. No wonder she is tired, plus the medication she is on.

She texted me last night to ask if he is ok, she feels so guilty leaving him, but Im only up the road, she can come anytime.

Oh well, I just love him. Off to Church now to show him off to all my friends.  

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[Reality]

heronbird,

What a wonderful time for you with your grandson!  You sound so very happy.

I remember being a little too out-and-about with my first baby.  With the second, I knew to enjoy the slowness and the special time, enjoying the difference. 

Your daughter recognizes she is tired and she needs some help and support.  How lucky she is to have you and how lucky you are to have her and the dear little grandson!

Reality

[griz]

heronbird:

It sounds like you are right and maybe your DD has burnt herself out.  My first daughter was in ICU whens she was born for 14 days and so when I brought her home I was the most ridiculous mother ever. I watched her every move and wouldn't let anyone help.  It didn't take that long before I burnt myself out.  Unfortunately my mom lived to far to come help me so I was alone and once my dh went back to work it became overwhelming.  I remember being tired to the point of tears and yet feeling guilty is I asked for help.  I am glad you daughter has reached out to you for help and you can be there for her.

Maybe you can set something up with her where you can take your beautiful grandson for a day or two each week, allowing her to get the rest she needs.  I believe our children need more rest than the average person and when they are not giving their bodies what it needs they can become dysregulated.  Can you also keep an open line of communication with her dh.  Telling you know how difficult having a new baby can be and if he thinks DD could use a hand maybe he could let you know?

It sounds like your DD is feeling the exhaustion of a new mom and I am glad you are there to help her.  Let us know how she is doing.

Griz