My twin sister has been abusive towards me for all of my life

[givingupnow]

And, now she has taken complete control of our ailing elderly parents and is telling me that I am not welcome there to visit and that she has talked with my parents about me (meaning that she has lied to them about me) and that they are in agreement that I should not be allowed to see them.  This is just the last thing in a long string of emotionally devastating actions against me.

[Linda Maria]

Hi givingupnow!  That is just outrageous - I am so sorry to hear what your twin is doing, and how she is trying to destroy your relationship with your parents.  If they are frail and elderly, being controlled by someone with BPD is the last thing they need.  I have just been through a very stressful 2 years with my uBPDsis following the death of my Mum.  She launched a disgusting smear campaign against me, I think mainly to try to stop me getting my inheritance - and in the end I had to get a solicitor involved.  Hopefully your parents have many years ahead, but if she is controlling them, the next thing will be that she gets them to change their will in her favour, and gets POA over their finances and health issues.  So when you're strong enough, do take advice.  I don't want to scare you, because there is a lot you can do to protect your parents, and yourself, so you can ensure they are not living in fear and chaos.  Keep a diary of all the mad things she says and does, and take advice and find out what you can do.  They are your parents, you have every right to see them, and until you hear from them that they don't want to see you, it is just nonsense.  Do you have anyone close you can talk to about this who can help you work out what action to take?  Keep posting and sharing, I wish you well.

[givingupnow]

Thank you Linda Maria for your response.  Reading your post was therapeutic for me but my heart goes out to you for what you must have endured.  Our drama has continued now to the point that the BPD/malignant narcissist sister has convinced my other siblings that I am the problem.  When our parents became unable to take care of themselves, my husband and I had initially turned our home and our lives upside down taking care of them.  Nobody else in our family stepped up to do that.  But, soon, my sister turned it into our worst nightmare by undermining and criticizing our care of them.  My husband and son couldn't stand any more of this and, for their sake and to get some peace in our own home, we all arranged to move them into an assisted living facility.  Soon, the BPD/ malignant narcissist sister was undermining and criticizing the assisted living facility and convinced the other siblings to allow her to move into their home to take care of them there.  I knew that once she managed to get them into their home, she would use them to continue her attempts to control punish me for not being her puppet.   There is no boundary that a BPD / malignant narcissist will not cross -- they will punish their target even by using frail elderly parents.  Although my other siblings have been deceived into believing that her motives are altruistic, I know otherwise.  The fact that I know this makes me the chief threat to her plan to take over my parents' assets which are diminutive.  They need every penny they have for their care for what may remain of their lives.  Thus far, my parents' health has deteriorated further under her "care" -- neither of them has been receiving physical therapy so they have both lost the ability to walk.  It is my belief that BPD/malignant narcissist sister intends to hasten their demise so that she can take complete possession of their remaining assets.  She's changed the locks on the doors and taken over both of the vehicles.  She sold one of the vehicles to pay her own mounting debts.  She is financially irresponsible to the point that she may lose her own home to the mortgage company except that she is using my parents income to pay her own debts now.  My older sister who seems to have partnered with the BPD / malignant narcissist took over control of our parents finances but refuses to provide any records of what she had done, even slamming a door in my face when I tried to speak with her.  It feels like a swarm of crazy vultures is circling over my parents now.  I feel all I can do is sit by and watch the scenario play out in horror and helplessness while all of my siblings pile on to me and my husband for trying to protect our parents.  My heart and my head pound with stress.  Why don't more people know about this disorder?  BPD/malignant narcissists are extremely dangerous people (if you can call them human at all).               

[gloveman]

     WOW I don't know what to say. The situation sounds horrible. All I can recommend is get some legal advice. If your sister(s) are using your parent's money to pay their personal debts, that is probably illegal. If it is, then you can remove your parents from your sister(s) care. Maybe get a restraining order.

      My parents were always trashing me and my reputation, so I can identify with that problem. Hang in there and take care of yourself.

[gloveman]

     WOW I don't know what to say. The situation sounds horrible. All I can recommend is get some legal advice. If your sister(s) are using your parent's money to pay their personal debts, that is probably illegal. If it is, then you can remove your parents from your sister(s) care. Maybe get a restraining order.

      My parents were always trashing me and my reputation, so I can identify with that problem. Hang in there and take care of yourself.

[Linda Maria]

Hi givingupnow.  So sorry to hear all of this.  I can truly understand.  When the smear campaign started against me - I was so stressed I thought I would have a nervous breakdown.  The thing that helped me was to take action.  I know its not easy, but it does make you feel back in control.  As others have said - go and get some legal advice - find out what your rights are, and your parents rights.  It may be difficult to prove your parents didn't agree to give her the money to pay off her debts - but you should be able to do something to stop it happening again.  I'm even more concerned about their physical decline if they should be having physio rehab etc.  If your sister is an official carer, then she has responsibilities to ensure these things are happening,  If she is not an official carer, you have as much right as her to ensure their well being.  So do start talking to people, I found once I realised what I could do, and that, although it was a long road, and not easy, there was a possible path out of the situation (in my case using a solicitor) I felt so much better that I was doing something positive.  Have you spoken to your parents?  If your sister is preventing you coming to the house, or speaking to them on the phone, that is another black mark against her.  I really feel for you - when you feel strong enough - do find the people to speak to about this - there are people who can help.  Best wishes.