Adoption ~

[Family Court Strategies: When Your Partner Has BPD OR NPD Traits.]

So this is a very touchy subject... . But I am 7 months pregnant and thinking about adoption solely for the sake of this child and not having to go through the torment I have endured during my relationship and pregnancy. I want to leave my SO and not look back and feel this child deserves a fighting chance. I'm so confused on what I should do and know no one will be able to tell me either way but I almost feel like I'm being selfish... . I have gone through enough verbal, physical abuse along with all the infidelities and lies. I have just been waiting to be painted black which I may be at this point I don't even know anymore. We don't talk but if we do we fight. He spends all his extra time at work probably finding someone else to prey on. I'm tired of being told I'm just a crazy b****. Among other names. I can not imagine a life with him forever, it scares me and the thought of having to give my baby up scares me as well. I'm so lost

[Johnsok]

So this is a very touchy subject... . But I am 7 months pregnant and thinking about adoption solely for the sake of this child and not having to go through the torment I have endured during my relationship and pregnancy. I want to leave my SO and not look back and feel this child deserves a fighting chance. I'm so confused on what I should do and know no one will be able to tell me either way but I almost feel like I'm being selfish... . I have gone through enough verbal, physical abuse along with all the infidelities and lies. I have just been waiting to be painted black which I may be at this point I don't even know anymore. We don't talk but if we do we fight. He spends all his extra time at work probably finding someone else to prey on. I'm tired of being told I'm just a crazy b****. Among other names. I can not imagine a life with him forever, it scares me and the thought of having to give my baby up scares me as well. I'm so lost

[Turkish]

I'm sorry that you are feeling so abused Johnsok that you are thinking about giving up your baby for adoption. From a purely legal standpoint, I can see paternity rights issues being an issue, but given the way you've described his extreme push-pull behavior, who knows?  Do you have anyone in your life for support? Does he seem attached to the baby at all, or is he too wrapped up in his dysregulation?

[livednlearned]

Hi Johnsok,

It sounds like you've been abused badly in this relationship, and realize that having a child with him would keep the pain going, something that you would like to put an end to.

Have you talked to an L about what your rights are? Would the father give up his parental rights so that you could give your baby up for adoption? Laws are different depending on where you live. It's often relatively inexpensive to consult with a lawyer so you know how things work.

You deserve a safe, peaceful, and fulfilling life, Johnsok. Do you think your partner has any interest in keeping the child?