Post breakup

[Depression = 72% of members]

My ex broke up with me about 2.5 months ago and i suspect her to have BPD. As we work together i still see her pretty much every day which makes it hard for me to deal with it. Anyway, i begged and pleaded her to take me back for like 2 months now. We've met up once outside work and i thought i had a chance, but she was really angry with me that i thought she would give me another chance. The reason i thought i had another chance, was because she was really really friendly(even flirty) with me again. It felt really good, like i was being idealized again. We've fought over text a lot after that(she would always get pissed at me for the smallest of reasons), but we still kept contact and sometimes it was friendly. Almost always initiated by me(stupid i know). Until 2 weeks ago when i accused her of cheating. A co-worker told me she was speaking about some dude all the time when we were still together. I confronted her with this and she said she made him up, i was that guy. It was a coverup, because she didn't want to deal with gossiping at work about us. Anyway she got angry again and told me i'm a nutcase and what not. She slammed a door in my face at work, because i ignored her(she told me to leave her alone!) So far, 2 weeks no contact.(she blocked me on whatsapp, Facebook etc.) She did contact me today at work about something work related, but didn't pay much attention to her(hooray me). I just have a feeling she will never want to contact me again outside work. But reading about recycling makes me wonder. Do you people think she will ever want to see me again outside work? I know i should be running, but it's just too hard... .

[Bak86]

My ex broke up with me about 2.5 months ago and i suspect her to have BPD. As we work together i still see her pretty much every day which makes it hard for me to deal with it. Anyway, i begged and pleaded her to take me back for like 2 months now. We've met up once outside work and i thought i had a chance, but she was really angry with me that i thought she would give me another chance. The reason i thought i had another chance, was because she was really really friendly(even flirty) with me again. It felt really good, like i was being idealized again. We've fought over text a lot after that(she would always get pissed at me for the smallest of reasons), but we still kept contact and sometimes it was friendly. Almost always initiated by me(stupid i know). Until 2 weeks ago when i accused her of cheating. A co-worker told me she was speaking about some dude all the time when we were still together. I confronted her with this and she said she made him up, i was that guy. It was a coverup, because she didn't want to deal with gossiping at work about us. Anyway she got angry again and told me i'm a nutcase and what not. She slammed a door in my face at work, because i ignored her(she told me to leave her alone!) So far, 2 weeks no contact.(she blocked me on whatsapp, Facebook etc.) She did contact me today at work about something work related, but didn't pay much attention to her(hooray me). I just have a feeling she will never want to contact me again outside work. But reading about recycling makes me wonder. Do you people think she will ever want to see me again outside work? I know i should be running, but it's just too hard... .

[pieceofme]

my ex has pulled the exact same behavior: cheating, then accused me of making him feel "unwelcome" or "rejecting" him, raging because i ignored him (after he broke up with me), etc. i, too, feel he will never contact me again and it is the most heartbreaking, devastating feeling. i feel like i am constantly waiting for his text or call. i am never without my phone because i don't want to miss if he reaches out.

it is hard to predict their behavior, even in light of the probability of recycling. sadly, what i have learned is that as long as their needs are being met elsewhere, they won't contact us.

i understand your fears and knowledge that you should be running. i feel the same, but i can't seem to let go... .

[Bak86]

my ex has pulled the exact same behavior: cheating, then accused me of making him feel "unwelcome" or "rejecting" him, raging because i ignored him (after he broke up with me), etc. i, too, feel he will never contact me again and it is the most heartbreaking, devastating feeling. i feel like i am constantly waiting for his text or call. i am never without my phone because i don't want to miss if he reaches out.

it is hard to predict their behavior, even in light of the probability of recycling. sadly, what i have learned is that as long as their needs are being met elsewhere, they won't contact us.

i understand your fears and knowledge that you should be running. i feel the same, but i can't seem to let go... .

Have you ever tried contacting him instead?

I really have a hard time to not contact her. Even though i kwow what her answer will be, i desperately want to have contact with her. It's insane... .

[Suspicious1]

Mine hasn't contacted me either for nearly three months. I figure the longer it goes on, the less likely he is to contact. I did try to contact him on a few occasions but always got very stone-walling responses. In the end I sent an email saying I'd be open to chat if he ever wanted to, and I left it at that.

While it's a temptation to get in contact, those little rejections are hurtful. If I imagine reaching out now, I imagine the response and that is enough to stop me. He hasn't blocked me on anything, but he's defriended me. If that along with the stonewalling responses aren't enough of a hint... .I really don't want to cross the line into stalker territory.

He knows where I am if he wants to talk. That's all I have left now.

[Bak86]

Mine hasn't contacted me either for nearly three months. I figure the longer it goes on, the less likely he is to contact. I did try to contact him on a few occasions but always got very stone-walling responses. In the end I sent an email saying I'd be open to chat if he ever wanted to, and I left it at that.

While it's a temptation to get in contact, those little rejections are hurtful. If I imagine reaching out now, I imagine the response and that is enough to stop me. He hasn't blocked me on anything, but he's defriended me. If that along with the stonewalling responses aren't enough of a hint... .I really don't want to cross the line into stalker territory.

He knows where I am if he wants to talk. That's all I have left now.

This is a really good post and i want to thank you for that. Those rejections are indeed hurtful. And i can't deal with any more pain.

[MrConfusedWithItAll]

This is so sad - waiting for some contact from the one we loved.  I think it is correct to say that our ex BPD partner does not wait and does not pine us in the same way.  Yes they may want us every now and then when their latest attachment lets them down.  We are there as a contact on a phone - peace of mind for whenever abandonment is near. Perhaps.

[pieceofme]

bak86, i have reached out a few times. like suspicious1 said, i am usually met, if i am lucky, with cold indifference. other times he responds with anger and hateful words, if he responds at all. knowing he has nothing good to tell me usually stops me. i already hurt enough without him kicking me when i'm down.

i agree, they do not grieve over the loss of us or our relationship. it is my understanding they typically have someone waiting in the wings to keep them distracted, ie, avoid the feelings we are feeling.