Feeling overwhelmed

[Parents! Get help here!]

Well, DD16 had her first assessment with the private psychologist last week. They seemed to get along very well (I stayed out of the way in another room) but the Psychologist said she needs two sessions to do a formal assessment of BPD. Which is fine, except that I'm freelance and hadn't been paid for months. So I've spent all week chasing people for money as I was down to my last few quid. In the end I had to borrow money from my parents (who have very very little themselves) just so the first cheque I wrote to the Psychologist wouldn't bounce. It's always a balancing act between being assertive enough to get paid but not so obnoxious that people won't hire you again. I think I may have crossed the line this week as I was so desperate to get paid. Now I'm worried I won't get work.

Son's birthday today but he is at his dad's. That's always a bit rubbish when it works out that way so maybe I'm just a bit vulnerable but I feel completely overwhelmed. The other day I basically couldn't function - lay on the bed, heart racing, feeling as though all the furies of hell were after me. Can't sleep, mind racing etc.

I know it's to be expected with all that's going on and money being such a worry, but I'm wondering if I should get some help. Counselling is prob going to be months on a waiting list. Don't like the idea of medication but maybe it would help? Last time I went to the doctors about maybe taking something they refused, saying I had children to look after and if I took anti-anxiety meds I would be too zoned out to look after them properly and safely. Surely that can't be right?

Feel so overwhelmed I can barely keep on top of housework and food shopping. Life really has no joy right now.

[peppersnap]

Well, DD16 had her first assessment with the private psychologist last week. They seemed to get along very well (I stayed out of the way in another room) but the Psychologist said she needs two sessions to do a formal assessment of BPD. Which is fine, except that I'm freelance and hadn't been paid for months. So I've spent all week chasing people for money as I was down to my last few quid. In the end I had to borrow money from my parents (who have very very little themselves) just so the first cheque I wrote to the Psychologist wouldn't bounce. It's always a balancing act between being assertive enough to get paid but not so obnoxious that people won't hire you again. I think I may have crossed the line this week as I was so desperate to get paid. Now I'm worried I won't get work.

Son's birthday today but he is at his dad's. That's always a bit rubbish when it works out that way so maybe I'm just a bit vulnerable but I feel completely overwhelmed. The other day I basically couldn't function - lay on the bed, heart racing, feeling as though all the furies of hell were after me. Can't sleep, mind racing etc.

I know it's to be expected with all that's going on and money being such a worry, but I'm wondering if I should get some help. Counselling is prob going to be months on a waiting list. Don't like the idea of medication but maybe it would help? Last time I went to the doctors about maybe taking something they refused, saying I had children to look after and if I took anti-anxiety meds I would be too zoned out to look after them properly and safely. Surely that can't be right?

Feel so overwhelmed I can barely keep on top of housework and food shopping. Life really has no joy right now.

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[lever.]

I would go back to your GP peppersnap.

I am learning on here that we need to look after ourselves if we are to look after anyone else. It is difficult to use the tools if our own emotions are raw.

One thing that has helped me is mindfulness meditation, there are a lot of books and cds on ebay and Amazon.

I have also looked at the emotion regulation skills in DBT and tried to use them myself.

Reading other threads on here is also helpful. There are great examples of how people stay grounded whilst dealing with extremely difficult situations. There is a lot of support on here.

[crazedncrazymom]

Hi peppersnap,


I'm so sorry you're going through such a tough time!     I think we've all been where you are at one (or many) time or another.  Trying to help and find resources for our children is so time consuming and exhausting and never ending.  Especially when most times the kids feel like they don't need any help.  It's so important to take care of ourselves.  I don't understand why the dr wouldn't give you an anti-depressive or anxiety medication.  That doesn't make any sense.    I would go to a different doctor.  The one you went to doesn't seem to take your needs seriously.  We can't help our children if we are drowning.  A lot of us parents take something.  I take Xanex to get through really tough periods.

I wonder if you can call the psychiatrist's office and let them know that you are having a tough time financially.  You don't really need a formal assessment for BPD right now.  Is there a medication they recommend?  Maybe skip all the unnecessary appointments and just get a prescription until you have the resources to pay for more treatment.  :)o you have medical assistance there?  Here in the states (at least my state) if a child has a mental health diagnosis they qualify for medical assistance until they are 21.  

Just FYI: I've been dealing with mental health people (psychiatrists and counselors) for over 2 years now.  This site has been more help for me than all of them together.  It doesn't cost a penny to learn the skills that we advocate here.   


These are some things I do to take care of myself when I'm feeling depressed and overwhelmed:

Take a candle lit bubble bath

Go for a long walk

Do a vigorous workout

Eat something yummy

Call a friend

Watch a sad movie... sometimes I just need a good cry

Watch a happy movie

What do you do for yourself to help get through the bad times?

-crazed

[JustWantMyJoyBack]

Hi peppersnap    ,

I know how you feel.  I'm so glad you came here.  It still amazes me how much help, support and guidance we offer each other. 

I'm so sorry you're feeling bad.  I've certainly been there.  Actually the last 3 weeks have been pretty tough.  I've had days like you describe.  It feels like I've lost myself.  It's really sad when I feel this way & look in the mirror!

When I have a day (or days) like you are having, I FORCE myself to shower, wash my hair, put on makeup and go somewhere.  Anywhere.  There are free and interesting places to go:  a park, a free art showing/museum, a book store, a library (I love to look through the Architectural Disgest magazines) a cafe with a beautiful view.  Go somewhere that inspires you. 

When we're caught up in this dreary, damp feeling, I'm always amazed how quickly we can forget what inspires us.  We're so busy trying to recover from harsh words, helping our BPD loved ones or trying to repair everyone but ourselves.

I completely agree the only way to improve any situation is to take care of ourselves.  Meditation really helps (as mentioned earlier).  I'm a consultant and my work also relies on me putting myself out there.  I find that if I "get ready for work" by shower, makeup and a destination, I bring my laptop, pencil, paper... . etc (things I need for thinking about work) and take myself to a different surrounding I am SOO productive.  Just getting away from my house and putting myself in a different environment really makes a difference.  I've met new people and the new environment jump starts my creative juices.

So, hop in that shower, put some make up on, get your hair done nicely and get out of the house! 

Here's wishing you a smile, a bright idea and an energetic day   

JustWantMyJoyBack

[Eclaire5]

I didn't like the idea of medication either, but lately things have been tough and I couldn't take it anymore. My doctor prescribed Prozac, which is not only for depression but also for anxiety. It is not a medication that makes you "zone out" or anything like that. If anything, it has given me a little bit of energy to get through the day. Anti-depressants are not habit forming like Benzodiazepines, so your dr. shouldn't give you a hard time about taking them. But also do what the others recommended, meditation, yoga, exercise, talking to friends, etc. can be very helpful. Hope things get better.

[PaulaJeanne]

Hi Peppersnap,

I first took medication (celexa & xanax) after 9/11 when my husband & I were both working in the financial industry in NY & knew people who died in the attacks.

I stopped for a few years & was fine until the problems started with my daughter. I felt exactly like you... . heart pounding, mind racing. I couldn't sleep, couldn't concentrate, crying a lot.

I've now been on Lexapro (generic) for a few years. Like Prozac, it's an antidepressent with anti-anxiety effects. It's not a benzo (like valium or xanax) and doesn't do anything to dull your senses. And for me it really works. I even lost my fear of elevators & driving on the highway, which were life-long phobias of mine. The only side effect I've experienced is a loss of sex drive-which I didn't have much of to begin with.

The lexapro I have to take every day. The xanax is a benzo & people do get high from it and dependent on it, but not in the small dose I take, which I only take as needed. So if my daughter is doing something to upset me, I can take a xanax at work & still concentrate on my job without freaking out about my daughter. My doctor had told me that sometimes just knowing you have the xanax in your pocket is enough to keep you from freaking out.

[peppersnap]

Thank you all

Just after I posted I came down with a horrible bug which might explain why I was feeling so particularly terrible. Nothing has improved externally but I feel much more able to cope now I'm not feeling so bad physically.

Thank you for your excellent suggestions. And for posting at all. I really needed that.

[ibwalrus]

   sending positive thoughts your way.

So sorry, to hear your not doing well.

Maybe a little meditation can give you some relief.

(If its not for you, hope you find something soothing)