All my other posts have been asking for help in managing my responses, finding my calm, managing the anger at the imbalance of the relationship, feeling angry at her sense of entitlement, feeling emotional at the way she blames me for everything...
I have read several books that helped me understand what I
should do.
But I found something about a week ago that is actually helping me do it.
My brain and my body/emotions are connecting in a way they haven't before.
I don't even know how it works because I don't feel like I'm consciously doing anything.
I started doing meditation. I googled meditation for anger, learning to react differently etc and found some good things but its always been hard to put into practice.
I started on
www.headspace.com - I'm sorry if I"m not supposed to 'advertise' but this has helped me tremendously because its all about what happens to your breath and to your body when you feel strong emotion.
It is the most hopeful I have been in a long time.
Each interaction where I am calm, where I can swiftly delay or end the conversation, where I can allow her to speak without reacting and getting upset - has made things better.
She apologized to me for something this morning - I almost fell on the floor...she was rather aggressive first, but my calm lead to her calm and she came back to me and apologized...
This is the woman who blames me for EVERYTHING!
I'm not saying this will change her as I have learned that it won't. I still have a BPD partner and will work hard every day to handle it.
But feeling under control is a dramatic change. I hope some of what I've offered can help someone else...