Fell all over again

[Family Court Strategies: When Your Partner Has BPD OR NPD Traits.]

Me and my ex where together on and off for 4 years last i posted we where broken up i broke NC and emailed her and it was a whirlwind again she left me for a Marine she met online feeling inadequate i joined the army before i left for basic training we got back together i proposed and i left 4 months i was gone when i came back she spent all my money from basic and changed her number.

When we say each other she told me she moved on and her heart was some where else broke my heart i was leaving for my first duty station. I emailed her telling her i missed her. a month of me being in Kentucky i'm originally form NY she emailed me back asking to be with me i took out loans and paid for a house and plane tickets  she came here with her three kids first we were good a couple of hickups but good then i got a call from her brothers best friend telling me he was with her during the time i was gone how he loved her and she left because she couldn't mover her and her kids into his home i was angry and used we argued she finally confessed and we tried to move on.

during our time together she wanted to have a baby we tried and she got pregnant then things went bad she was super moody and i knew it was hormones i bent over hand and foot trying to make her happy but nothing i did worked now me being i in the army my training takes first place and it was hard for her to understand i had no choice to do what im told shed go crazy if i went to the field for weeks or if i didn't text or call her during my breaks but i was always home never went out with friends i always was devoted home the arguments got bad she thought i was cheating took my computer and when i was screaming to get it back she throw my laptop threw her phone at me

christmas of 2013 we had it out because she felt i didnt want to talk to her but it was hard because she would tell me nasty things and i was frozen to say a thing to her i was afraid to say something worng

long story short she left went back to new york is living with the man she cheated on me with she has a new job a new life she seems really happy on facebook and i think she had an abortion for the baby she wanted i want a baby with her but we where a new army couple i wanted to wait a little and see how much we can afford and how this Army life would be im leaving next year on a long vacation i cant really say  for but im just hurt mad angry and scared she is gone forever she definitely painted me black im going to serve my country and she wins happy in a loving relationship and im picking up the pieces again

owe and once out of anger i told her i didnt love her she ran into the bathroom and cut her arm a big gash with blood everywhere she told me if i couldnt love her there was no point i dressed her wound and told her i was sorry and i loved her but she never forgot that i said it

[freshlySane]

Me and my ex where together on and off for 4 years last i posted we where broken up i broke NC and emailed her and it was a whirlwind again she left me for a Marine she met online feeling inadequate i joined the army before i left for basic training we got back together i proposed and i left 4 months i was gone when i came back she spent all my money from basic and changed her number.

When we say each other she told me she moved on and her heart was some where else broke my heart i was leaving for my first duty station. I emailed her telling her i missed her. a month of me being in Kentucky i'm originally form NY she emailed me back asking to be with me i took out loans and paid for a house and plane tickets  she came here with her three kids first we were good a couple of hickups but good then i got a call from her brothers best friend telling me he was with her during the time i was gone how he loved her and she left because she couldn't mover her and her kids into his home i was angry and used we argued she finally confessed and we tried to move on.

during our time together she wanted to have a baby we tried and she got pregnant then things went bad she was super moody and i knew it was hormones i bent over hand and foot trying to make her happy but nothing i did worked now me being i in the army my training takes first place and it was hard for her to understand i had no choice to do what im told shed go crazy if i went to the field for weeks or if i didn't text or call her during my breaks but i was always home never went out with friends i always was devoted home the arguments got bad she thought i was cheating took my computer and when i was screaming to get it back she throw my laptop threw her phone at me

christmas of 2013 we had it out because she felt i didnt want to talk to her but it was hard because she would tell me nasty things and i was frozen to say a thing to her i was afraid to say something worng

long story short she left went back to new york is living with the man she cheated on me with she has a new job a new life she seems really happy on facebook and i think she had an abortion for the baby she wanted i want a baby with her but we where a new army couple i wanted to wait a little and see how much we can afford and how this Army life would be im leaving next year on a long vacation i cant really say  for but im just hurt mad angry and scared she is gone forever she definitely painted me black im going to serve my country and she wins happy in a loving relationship and im picking up the pieces again

owe and once out of anger i told her i didnt love her she ran into the bathroom and cut her arm a big gash with blood everywhere she told me if i couldnt love her there was no point i dressed her wound and told her i was sorry and i loved her but she never forgot that i said it

[freshlySane]

any advice

[Emelie Emelie]

I'm sorry you're going through such a difficult time.  All of us here share your pain.  There are many posters here who offer very good advice.  I hope you can find some comfort.

[wannago]

I feel your pain, buddy.

Here´s my (emotionally unattached) view on this:



• You´ve dodged a big bullet - yet you don´t see it.

Getting a child with her, spending all your money, FOG, suicide drama, adultery, insecurity, lying, threats, control... . yes, I can see why you want that back

Seriously, the best way for you to get back on your feet is by working on your self esteem and focusing on YOU, not her! The ONLY reason why you even remotely miss her, is because your idea about what you deserve is skewed. You deserve SO much better than her!

Jees, imagine knowing all this about her on the first date; would you have gone on a second date?

You´ve just slowly gotten sucked into this situation - and you CAN get yourself out of it, too!

Trust me! You CAN do it!


• She´s moved on and "seems happy". If she´s BPD, there is no real happiness. It´s all a constant battle to avoid rejection. And if she suddenly feels any sign of happiness or peace in her new life, rest assured she will do whatever she can to disrupt it. Why? Because from experience (childhood most likely) she KNOWS that there is no such thing as peace and happiness. It´s all just a calm before the storm. And so she will MAKE the storm happen and reject her partner BEFORE he can reject her. Which brings me to... .

• She´s focusing on another poor schmuck - and you should be celebrating and clapping your hands right now!

HE is now gonna go thru the SAME hell you´ve been thru.

So instead of ASKING for trouble to come back and find you, perhaps you should celebrate?

• You´re confusing love with FOG.

Check out the advice on "Fear, Obligation and Guilt" in here, if you havent already.

• Also read the article on how a GOOD relationship works. Yours wasnt one, my friend.

Stay strong, be focused on YOU and keep ZERO contact!

You´ll be fine eventually.

Hope this helps