Feeling like hope is dwindling

[pear]

Our daughter is 15 and has been depressed for over a year. She is currently on her fourth inpatient hospitalization since then only 3 1/2 months. A week ago she had her second known suicide attempt while in an intensive DBT and CBT residential treatment center. In reading Stop Walking on Eggshells, we are finding a lot of understanding about some things that did not make sense to us before; however the real issue we are struggling with now is how to deal with falsity without triggering defense. Our daughter is so incredible and soft on the inside, we really want to help her. And we don't feel we are helping her so far. Things just keep getting worse and worse. I have been concerned that the time out of the home has had adverse impact on her. She is bent on telling everyone she can about how if she goes home she will run away or act unsafely to kill herself. Yet, we are likely to soon run out of insurance for her current inpatient stay and her previous therapist has refused to take her back, she has failed at the day-treatment program and won't "fit" and resources we have in our geography are sparse. We attempted to get help to set up aftercare from the intensive residential treatment center from day one--no progress made at this time. I have a few feelers out to have consultation meetings for individual therapists, but we have climbed the service ladder and are feeling like hope is dwindling. Our daughter is likely to have to come home and we are not certain what we can offer her next for support. Difficulty seeing what to do with the falsity, fabrications, outright lying and the false abuse allegations. Thank you for your support.

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[Harley Quinn]

Hi pear and

I am also new to this board, although I have been a member for a long time now.  I am sorry to hear what you are going through.  That must be so worrying for you.  What support do your family have for yourselves, as well as your daughter?  It is so important that you look after yourselves well and take care of your own needs in all of this.  I am in no way an expert on this topic but there are members here who have a great deal of experience so I'm sure you'll get some great advice.  In the meantime, I have found that the lessons on this board are absolutely priceless and are an excellent place to start. 

One key learning I've had here since my arrival to the site is that we cannot control or change the BPD sufferers in our lives or their behaviour, however we can make things better all round by making changes in ourselves and the way that we respond to the behaviour when it presents.  I would urge you to begin looking at the Lessons (which you can also access to the right of your screen) and the Tools (at the top of the page) and I'm certain that the cavalry will be here to support you along the way. 

Have hope and be kind to yourself.  Things can and do get better.   

Love and light x

[Merlot]

Hi pear

I join Harley Quinn in welcoming you to the bpdfamily.

Your family is going through so much and it truly is exhausting. While my daughter at 15 was self harming, she was never hospitalised as a result and I can't imagine how emotionally challenging suicide ideation is for you .  Harley Quinn offers you some sound guidance about caring for yourself as BPD takes a lot of energy and reslience.

we have climbed the service ladder and are feeling like hope is dwindling. Our daughter is likely to have to come home and we are not certain what we can offer her next for support. Difficulty seeing what to do with the falsity, fabrications, outright lying and the false abuse allegations. Thank you for your support.

I live in Australia, so I can't comment on the mental health system in other countries but I can understand your frustrations and feelings of helplessness.  There are many parents here who have been through similar issues so I'm glad you've raised this as others will chime in and hopefully offer some insights here.

I have also read "Walking on Eggshells"; a wonderful book that validated many things for me  I am now reading "Get me out of here" a biography by Rachel Reiland, who was hospitalised on numerous occasions and through years of therapy, recovered from BPD.  Her book is very inspiring.  I know it's not much but I hope if you get a chance to read it that it gives you some much needed hope.

We would love to share more of your journey, we are all here to support you through the crisis and beyond.

Merlot