What's the most messed up thing they ever said/did? Con't

[Family Court Strategies: When Your Partner Has BPD OR NPD Traits.]

I´ve been thinking about that question for 3 days. It´s really not easy to point on one specific incident as I could write down a long list of things that every Non who has never been in contact with someone with BPD/NPD would consider as unbelievable.

Today something stuck me as I realized what could have been the consequences. Some weeks after she ended the r/s I hit the ground. After all the terror and the desperate trials to understand I had a complete breakdown. I was lying on the floor, shaking, cramping, not able to think a normal thought. I´m sure if somebody had seen me they would have called an ambulance.

At that point in time she had tried to isolate me from my family and friends over months, telling me that these people are bad and don´t care about me, are the reason for my 'issues'. Just she cares. On that specific point in time I believed all the crap. I contacted her the next day to tell her about my situation as I believed that she would care. I was still shaking and facing actual physical pain. She didn´t even refer to what I wrote in her answer. She started with 'Something I wanted to tell you as it is sitting... .'. Followed by a page long email in which she explained to me that the kids and her are so utterly happy now since I´m gone as I did this, that and everything. No need to tell that it was nothing but b/s produced by her disordered brain.

The consequences I mentioned. I thought about what I would have done in her place. The answer is so damn clear. Like almost everybody else I had contacted someone to help my ex-partner as I had been scared. No matter what was before. The last thing on earth a normal human being would do is kicking somebody who is so deep down. Considering that I showed obvious suicidal behavior, I came to the conclusion that she, apparently, was risking me being physically harmed (carefully expressed) just for releasing her hate on me again.

Therefore, I´d say this is worth to be mentioned here even if there were several things that might appear even more weird but less serious with regard to her ruthlessness and cold self-focused behavior

[Ex_CB_Partner]

I´ve been thinking about that question for 3 days. It´s really not easy to point on one specific incident as I could write down a long list of things that every Non who has never been in contact with someone with BPD/NPD would consider as unbelievable.

Today something stuck me as I realized what could have been the consequences. Some weeks after she ended the r/s I hit the ground. After all the terror and the desperate trials to understand I had a complete breakdown. I was lying on the floor, shaking, cramping, not able to think a normal thought. I´m sure if somebody had seen me they would have called an ambulance.

At that point in time she had tried to isolate me from my family and friends over months, telling me that these people are bad and don´t care about me, are the reason for my 'issues'. Just she cares. On that specific point in time I believed all the crap. I contacted her the next day to tell her about my situation as I believed that she would care. I was still shaking and facing actual physical pain. She didn´t even refer to what I wrote in her answer. She started with 'Something I wanted to tell you as it is sitting... .'. Followed by a page long email in which she explained to me that the kids and her are so utterly happy now since I´m gone as I did this, that and everything. No need to tell that it was nothing but b/s produced by her disordered brain.

The consequences I mentioned. I thought about what I would have done in her place. The answer is so damn clear. Like almost everybody else I had contacted someone to help my ex-partner as I had been scared. No matter what was before. The last thing on earth a normal human being would do is kicking somebody who is so deep down. Considering that I showed obvious suicidal behavior, I came to the conclusion that she, apparently, was risking me being physically harmed (carefully expressed) just for releasing her hate on me again.

Therefore, I´d say this is worth to be mentioned here even if there were several things that might appear even more weird but less serious with regard to her ruthlessness and cold self-focused behavior

[Madison66]

There were some doozies for sure.  My uBPD/NPD ex gf of 3+ years was horribly jealous of my teen daughter.  She would often voice her feelings of jealousy and rationalize that it was perfectly normal for her to feel that way.  A couple of the sickest things she said/did were in regards to my daughter.  My kid had some health issues a couple years ago and was hospitalized for over a week.  My ex gf couldn't handle the amount of time I spent at the hospital and then afterwards helping my kid recover. Things got bad after that and here's a couple things she said/did:

1. One time seconds, my mean seconds after we had sex, my ex gf said to me "sex is the only thing I feel like you share with me that you don't share with your daughter".  I was kinda freaked out she'd say that and she had no issues rationalizing it.  That's just sick!

2. A few weeks after that, my daughter went on a trip with her mom and I didn't see her for a couple weeks.  When she got back, I took her out for a special dinner and during the dinner I noticed I had a few texts come in.  They were from my ex gf.  She was sexting me during the dinner in a sick attempt to get my attention even though she knew I was having dinner with my daughter.  She could easily rationalize doing it, never apologized and even told me I was lucky she was sexually playful like that.  I'm not a prude in any sense, but that was just WRONG!

The last thing that comes to mind happened at the end of our r/s.  Here's what went down:

1. We had an argument and she started berating me so I told her I wouldn't take it any longer and walked out of the room.  As I was going into the bathroom and closing the door, she pushed through the door in a full rage hitting me in the head with the door and knocking me over.  I was shocked and even more shocked when she told me that she felt justified doing it.

2. Two weeks later after another argument, I asked her to leave my house.  As I walked away and was going into my bedroom/office and closing the door, she rushed through the door and pushed me against a wall.  I had to fight back to get her off of me and screamed at her to leave.  She stood there saying she did it because she loves me.  Those are the words of an abuser and I ended the r/s that minute after 3+ years and three recycles.  I was done and the survival instinct in me kicked in strong.

[Its My Time Now]

I am a progressive agnostic and ex BPD is a fundamentalist Christian social conservative. Since everything you say and do that does not line up with their convictions is taken as criticism on them, he claimed that the child abuse in Catholic churches was to blame on Liberals. Somehow.

He went into a rant about how and why, but I lost him after the first couple of words and it makes my temples hurt even now, trying to recall what his warped logic for this statement was. But, in his confabulating mind, it all made perfect sense.

[Hopeless777]

28 years married and while in the FOG she said (on several occasions):

"Who's gonna take care of you when you get prostate cancer?"

That was the worse, although there's been several other close ones.

[Its My Time Now]

Oh, got another one. My son was about 6 or 7 at the time. We were at a thrift store, looking for a chest of drawers. He saw one he liked, but I pointed out it had no drawers in it. So, in front of the whole store AND my 6 year old he said "Oh, that's okay, when I got to know you, you had no drawers on!"

He thought it was extremely funny and not at all embarrassing or wrong in front of a child and strangers. People were looking at me like, how can you even stay with such a jerk?

Another one happened when we were visiting his daughter and our dog tried to mount their dog. His "funny" remark was to tell the dog to lay off, as, if he was not getting any, neither was the dog. He said this in front of myself, his daughter and son in law and my then very small child. His daughter muttered a ":)ad, for Christ sakes... ." and I cringed. He thought it was funny.

They have a total lack of boundaries when it comes to inappropriate and they will over compensate for fields where they know they lack by making you sounds like the person where things are wrong.

[DyingLove]

1- I have a habit of pushing people away from me. (even before we physically me)

2- (I was ALWAYS loving and complimentary and kind and sweet even if I do say so myself)  One day we were outside of Barnes and Nobles in wiregrass mall florida... .and I casually said to her (after I said something sweet), do you ever get tired of hearing nice things? (i never expected what she responded with), she said some times yes!  (I know women that would kill for kind words and affection.

3- I saw a pic of her ex #2 husband, and he looked really beat up for his age and he's younger than me... .so I kind of gestured to her... .I don't look that bad do I?  And wouldn't you know it, she didn't have my back on that one either.  She was so "not there for me".

4- There are more, but those come to mind prominently.

[StarOfTheSea]

Just thought of these:

-Last father's day I was very upset because I had planned to give him a framed ultrasound picture of our baby, but I miscarried the week before. I was crying, I told him what I had planned for his gift and he said "that's ok, I've already got a kid." This coming from the man who ecstatically announced my pregnancy on FB the day the line turned pink.

-When I asked him what he wanted for Christmas and his reply was "For you not to miss your period."

CRUEL.

After reading what others have written it's really start to click for me that a r/s with him is/was an impossibility because of his disorder.

[Vatz]

"I won't let you get in the way when it comes to my friends" she referred to the guy she gave an H-Jay to at a convention. We were gonna go together this time and she invited the effing guy to stay in the room with us (and several other friends/con-goers,.) Naturally I protested. She didnt like how controlling I was.

[ShadowIntheNight]

Exactly one year ago today, 9.5 yrs together in a lesbian relationship, she's on the phone telling me the orders the judge handed down in her protracted child custody case with her exH. For some reason her child support was CUT, after never having been increased while being divorced for 10 yrs. She was infuriated b/c her kids have been in private school and apparently someone she had talked to before me had told her to put them in public school (I finally deduced this after a lot of time wondering why she would say what she said to me). When she finished telling me the 6 or 7 things he had ordered, she said in one of the most angry voices I have ever heard "if I have to find some man to eff to be able to keep my kids in private school, that's what I'm going to do."

I was too stunned to say a single word. She then told me she was tired of rehashing the results and hung up on me. Apparently she's done what she said... .

[hurting300]

"You have been treated better than the others"

[butterfly 27]

I bought her a ring and necklace  of gold and other gifts like roses, chocolates, cards... .and to me she bought a ring with the infinity symbol but she never gave it to me because to her,  I did not deserve to win anything her  .

And when we were dating I was going to fly to his city but she told me to save my money because she still had feelings for her ex that has started dating someone else   ... .

[Darsha500]

It's strange how comforting it is to read about all these tragic happenings. I suppose its because it makes me feel like I'm not alone in my sufferings - that my suffering hardly compares to that of others.

- Shortly after we broke up the first time I received a text from someone "responding to my add on craigslist." Apparently she had posted an add with my number. An add in which I was a "Bottom seeking a Top." She denied doing this, but there is no one else who would have done such a thing.

- The one that takes the cake though is her cheating on me. She had sought out her exBF, a sadist, for sex. He ended up piercing her nipples and sticking her with needles, and telling her that he was punishing her for cheating on me. She even showed me the pictures. I still find it hard to believe I got back together with her after that.

- Oh wait, one more. And this was the final straw. One of the last things she said to me was that her Ex was planning on piercing her vag*na in such a ways as to lock it shut, so that only he could have sex with her. She said, "I don't know when thats going to happen, but that is his plan." As if it were destined to happen.

Sickness.

[Conundrum]

Dunno what "the" most messed up phrase was bc there were skittles of disordered flavors n I expressed similar wackery too. But after we broke up n I was seeing another woman--I recollect her texting "that while my new flavor of the month was interesting she could never compete w her brand of crazy."  She then queried whether I wanted her to come over n suck my dick. I'll always love that woman--she's my dream n nightmare.

[SGraham]

She invited me to a party and then proceeded to get dangerously drunk before i even arived so that i had to take care of her and eventually had to 1.take her to the hospital and 2. suicide  proof her house.  It was really screwed up though because it was so early on in the relationship

[disorderedsociety]

Rebounded with a guy I was becoming friends with and got pregnant a month into their relationship.

The comparing in my mind, to him, like what's he do that I couldn't was a mf'r. But really it just means he was an easier target, yeah?

She wanted me to get her pregnant, I'm guessing cause it could give her a feeling of security but I backed out at the last second. Obviously she really wanted to get knocked up (again.) I'm guessing the pregnancy experience gives her a reason not to work and to get attention. And she'll collect more SSI.

[SummerStorm]

I've got two winners here.  I just couldn't post one.

1. One night, my former friend BPD texted me all night from a party that she went to.  She said her boyfriend just left her to mingle with people (fear of abandonment), and by this time, she was really idealizing me.  I texted her until about 11 or so and said I was going to bed.  A few hours later, I woke up to check the time and saw 18 messages from her, all attempts to get my attention.  They started off cute ("Miss you", became annoying ("Wake up.  I want to talk to you.", and then ended with her telling me that she and her boyfriend had gotten into a fight and that he had hit her and split her lip.  The last two messages were pictures, one of her bloody lip and one of blood on her hand.  When I didn't reply (I was still sleeping), she gave up.  I got these messages about 30 minutes after she sent them.  Hours later, she acted liked nothing had really happened.  She briefly mentioned it once or twice over the next few days, but never again after that.  I am now 100% sure that he never hit her.  I don't know how she got that bloody lip, but for someone who cuts, making her lip bloody was probably a piece of cake.

2. I was sick in bed all day.  I was annoyed that she wasn't replying to me.  This was days after she said she wanted to live with me (still keeping up the lie about her boyfriend being awful).  I texted her a few times, and she eventually replied to tell me that I'm "f___ing annoying" and "acting psychotic."  I replied back, "I'm not the one who was begging for topless pics last night.  Were you even sober?"  Fifteen minutes later, a tirade of insults started, beginning with, "Because I don't care about your feelings.  I just want to f__k you."  I started getting extremely upset.  She was hitting all of my insecurities ("Who could ever love you?".  I guess she realized that what she was saying could possibly lead me to self-harm or do something bad, but instead of owning up to what she was saying, she pretended to be her boyfriend and pretended that he had gotten on her phone while she was sleeping, found old texts from me, and texted me to tell me how mad he was that she had cheated on him.  So, I then I got a lot of, "She won't be talking to you anymore" types of texts.  Two days later, I texted her, and she pretended that she didn't know what was going on.  I told her, and she said, "Oh, it all makes sense now.  Thanks to you, I got into a s__t ton of trouble this weekend.  This weekend was all your fault.  You almost made me lose everything."  She topped it off with, "If you hadn't gotten me in trouble, you and I would have eventually ended up together."  At work the next day, she refused to talk to me about what had happened.  A few days later, she was trying to flirt with me again, but I'd had enough.  Idiot that I am, I didn't catch on to what had happened until she was forced to tell me while she was in the hospital, since her boyfriend texted me from her phone as soon as she was rushed to the ER.  I asked her why she did it, and she said, "I don't know.  I thought it would help you let go.  It seemed like a good idea at the time.  Plus, I was high."  When her boyfriend texted me, I was on the defensive the whole time and was also wondering why he was being so nice to me.  Then, I started picking apart his messages and convinced myself that he was "marking his territory" in them (he obviously wasn't).   

[skyla]

Ohh! I have a whole bunch!


He called my sister a c*** and told me that she and her boyfriend were pigs that deserved to be slaughtered.

After we had been broken up for a few weeks he thought I was on a date when I didn't answer my phone for an hour. He texted me that he was coming over and he'd blow his brains out on my doorstep if I wasn't home.

He'd often text me things like "get that dick out of your mouth and call me back"

Called me a ___ and a whore, countless times (I never cheated on him and have only slept with one other person in my life).

Lots of suicide threats, especially if I ever tried to end things with him. After we broke up he lied that he was always in the hospital due to suicide attempts because he couldn't live without me... .oh, and stomach ulcers.

When my ex tried to get me back he told me that he wanted to go to my ex's house and smash his head in repeatedly with a hammer until it was a bloody pulp. He also constantly asked me where my ex lived.

The first and only time he ever got drunk around me he started raging to me and my roommate about my ex and screamed "YOUR EX IS A PSYCHOPATH. I KNOW THIS BECAUSE I'M A PSYCHOPATH!" (freaked my roommate out). We had only been together for two weeks at this point, and it was a huge red flag. I tried to end things with him the next day, but he cried about it the whole day and apologized profusely. He promised that he'd never get drunk around me again (he actually kept his word on this)

After we broke up he told me that he was going to show everyone our sex video (the same one he pressured me into doing to "prove my love". He also texted me the video months after we broke up. I stupidly called him to confront him about it, and when he answered he pretended to not know who I was, then was like "EWWW! IS THIS ****? GROSS! WHY WOULD YOU CALL ME?" *friends laughter in background* *hangs up*

He'd also say things like, "I know you miss my dick".

[skyla]

He was also a pathological liar. He told me things which I still struggle to believe, like... .

- He walked in on his ex girlfriend having sex with two guys at the same time.

- His ex virtually hacked his phone after they broke up and started harassing a bunch of girls, one of which had him thrown in jail for sexual harassment. (I actually know a girl who knew him then and she said that he did go to jail for sexual harassment, but it was not because his ex "hacked his phone".)

- he witnessed his aunt blow her brains out during thanksgiving dinner as a kid.

- he discovered his dead friend who had committed suicide hanging from a tree in his backyard when he was a kid.

- he told me that he was born in Italy, moved to America when he was 3, and that his parents were Italian. I met his parents and both of them were clearly born and raised in the USA... .

- he would tell me that he hated sex and never wanted to have it again (emotional manipulation), but then he'd still try to have sex with me. He would then get mad if I said "but I thought you hated sex?" 

- he told me that he had shot and killed a robber who held him at gunpoint when he was 8 years old. He cried as he told me this and said that I was the only one who he's ever told.

- He was so paranoid that I was cheating on him that he'd make up false stories that people had supposedly told him about me, then he'd rage at me and try to get me to admit to them... .

[letmeout]

- He was so paranoid that I was cheating on him that he'd make up false stories that people had supposedly told him about me, then he'd rage at me and try to get me to admit to them... .

What makes BPD people tell such outrageous lies? Mine used that one ALL the time. It was actually one of the determining factors that lead me to finally leave and initiate permanent no contact.

I could relate some hair raising stories of the things he said and did, but the more time passes, the less I need to think about them. Thank God.

[greenmonkey]

I could list and list.

During one of our final discussions it really came out how messed up she was.

1. "If I pegged it - would her and her son (who she had limited access to) be disowned by my children (both grown up) "followed by am I a beneficiary in your will"

2. I love you but not in love with you - and there is no-one else - massive lie - as I discovered was one of 4 women she had been playing off each other over 3 years.

3. On my 50th birthday she made a big deal she had got me a card - and she also raged big time and did zero. In her eyes she was a superhero.

4. I purposely stopped paying joint named bills to raise the discussion of her contributing to the house- the answer was a massive rage - plus suggesting we sell my house and live off the proceeds - she could not answer where we would live she only saw £ signs.

5. Her favourite phrase was ":)o you know ... ." which would be used for everything.

6. Letting my two dogs out into the street the day after I told her she had to leave

7. Damaging one of my bikes on the next day.

8. A pthological liar, nothing else, master of manipulation etc