Bravosix1
Fewer than 3 Posts
 Offline
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Other
Posts: 1
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« on: December 31, 2016, 08:34:53 AM » |
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This is my first post in any forum such as this but have come to a point in my life where I am stuck and can't get away from whats killing me mentally, physical and emotionally. My wife has been diagnosed with BPD, Bi-Polar and deep depression by three clinics and three separate organizations as we have moved due to work. As I wrote this I am sorry for the long message and explaining the terrible positions I have been manipulated into. Its down right embarrassing. I will caveat this upfront that I seem to have an issue with co-dependency with a constant desire to help and fix other peoples challenges in life. This makes me feel good, often at my own financial costs, time and more. But I feel helping others when you can or have more resources that might help them in a tight spot is the right thing to do... .thus how I met and became hooked by this wonderful, charming, incredibly nice woman - to me and my daughters after being a single dad who didn't really date for 9 years... .
I have taken an incredible amount of mental, emotional and even physical abuse from my wife. She continues to progressively increase the point of her rage, threats and destructive words as well as destroy anything we have together, I have provided for her or she "holds valuable" during a rage. Her rages used to be about once every couple of weeks but now have become nearly daily. We have zero sex life, the only good sex we ever had was right after the birth of our daughter for about 1 year, then it diminished and now does not exist at all beyond her telling me I can get on top of her once and a while but just hurry up. No thank you. She has threatened me with police and with my job. I am a long time Army Officer of 34 years of active duty service. Any claim, true or not, is career death and humiliation/reputation end at my rank. She has threatened to tell the police I have raped her, ripped her own clothes, smashed her arm and hit her self with objects to bruise herself when she is mad and I either try to leave or get away. I not only walk on egg shells but I am honestly scared to death of any potential statement, accusation or her every on going victimization. No matter what happens she will spin herself up, attacking me, my 17 or 14 year old daughter until one or all of us are in a rage and then act like she is completely innocent and we are just so terrible to her as she is a sweet, small young lady and we are mean, foul language terrible people. Obviously we have to back down and "eat it" as here come the treats.
One day it broke and she physically attacked the two daughters of mine, attacked me and then took a hand full of prescription drugs while our neighbor was standing right there. The police came, arrested her and took her to the hospital. She self admitted and then self released about 2 hours later. She did it again about 2 weeks later and with Child and Youth services and our Justice Works people now involved a protective order was put in place evicting her from our home and restricting her from seeing me or any of the children. During the custody portion for our 2 year old we had agreed with limited supervised visitation, the judge denied it stating she was too unstable and too erratic for even a mental health professional to be placed in a location with her to supervise. The court ordered a minimum of 6 months of intense therapy (twice weekly) followed by once weekly, anger management course of at least 8 weeks and a parenting class. This in addition to court costs and placed a 1 year protective order in place giving me full legal and physical custody of all three children.
You would think, whew... .this is over and now we can move on... .No. She started coming around, sorry, I want to get better, I am going to therapy, I just wanted to say hi to you guys. For the most part it was finally easy and things calmed down. Then we would find her sleeping in our basement, cars, or even showing up in my bed at 2 or 3 am. When I tell her to leave, she threatens to call the police herself and tell them I tricked her there and then raped her. Keeping in mind that she did charge her ex with rape and sexual assault - later to be found through deleted text messaged to be a false claim (see was convicted and sentenced to 8 months in jail, served zero, and community service where she worked at a church thrift store). Even with a protective order, I can not get her out of our lives. During this past couple of months and during a frantic evening visit she was very unstable and when we went to call the police she left in a big hurry, just to return about 2 hours later. Again left frantically and again returned and rushed to our attic and started digging through old clothes boxes and screaming at us - our two year old was asleep in a near by room and when we attempted to get her to leave she busted one phone and then attacked my daughter leaving about 4 bruises on her face, kick marks on ther sides and legs. I was pushed down the stairs, split my head open and had massive bite marks (blood drawn). She again fled. The police came yet again and charged her with 8 criminal counts... .that should keep her away right? No. She returns again, we go to the police station stating we are going to the grocery store and the enter the house and finally find her and arrest her. She is out on bail in 2 days and comes right back to the house.
Now it appears she is addicted to prescription drugs and has no reticulation of that night nor being in jail as she was so out of it. She was in our attic that night seeking a box that contained older prescription medications. She always threatens to kill herself and has three attempts (not cry's for attention or help) and numerous "I'm going to do this if you do... ." type events. She is a self admitted kleptomaniac and feels empowered by beating the system and stealing clothes, grocery items and even creating and using false coupons to gain hundreds of dollars in free items and feels good about it. She is under investigation now by three major retailers for Grand Larceny, Fraud, ID Theft and more... . You think it would stop... No, She attempted suicide again and FINALLY someone listened to me and we were able to get her to treatment against her will (called a 302 here in PA). She spent the next couple weeks in a psychiatric ward where she clearly stated she would lie and tell them what ever they wanted to hear to get out and "come home" She did just that and by state law they released her.
My children and I want out. The DA office is working with us but she keeps coming around and full of threats again - blackmail, rape, abuse, beating her up, sexual assault, etc. I have recordings, video and lots of documentation - My attorney said if she does make any of these then we are well covered... .BUT that doesn't stop the stigma of the allegation and my position or with my friends and neighbors. This is a TERRIBLE place to be. I CAN'T Get away! Her brothers, mother and father are all aware of her and in their words " you married her, shes your problem now, not ours so don't expect us to help". She has no friends (alienated all of them), she has no family, she has no money (completely dependent on me for past 3.5 years), no skills, no education... . I have provided nearly 25K in support of her for hotels, apartments, cars, insurance, food, etc over the past 7 months. She has two credit cards... . yet she tells everyone her terrible husband threw her out with nothing and she has no money and I don't help her. She is always the victim. My attorney tells me I have doubled already any state expected support I might have owed her and to just cut her off and call the police every time she shows up. Maybe once I retire with honors... .Im not giving up 34+ years of honorable service to some BS allegation at the last minute.
I want out - I have no idea what to do. Yes, I could call the police and go that route - significant blow back beyond work and my honor, the threats are real but nearly impossible to document as she understands the system and how to manipulate anyone to believe her, she is a small, innocent, young scared woman who has been treated terribly by this man and his kids. My wife and I have been together for about 3.5 years now. It has been a terrible life for 95% of it. I am retiring from the Active Duty mostly to avoid false persecution or any potential allegations.
I am embarrassed to write this but need the strength to do something before my health diminishes even more. Life beyond her is good - I have three great little girls, a successful Army Officer Son, I still have good friends (they wont come around with her near by), I have a couple nice homes, a few collector cars, and I am very stable with my job and income. Everyone tells me there are thousands of GOOD women for me and my children. Yet I have this "caretaker" problem I have to break. I read the book on how to stop being a caretaker and get away from the BPD and move on with your life, it taught me that I am not a husband in any way... .I am a caretaker and verbal, physical and emotional punching bag that is made to feel guilty, wrong, sad and hurt by her actions or what I appear to do wrong (everything). I have zero passion, sex life or closeness. I want and need normalcy, love, caring and to feel some appreciations/giving back to me and my children for our efforts.
I could go on for days... . Looking for any and all advice. I have gotten lots of call the police, report her, send her to jail and divorce her... .
What I am looking for are ways to build strength, confidence (Military Officer of 34 years saying this), self esteem and how to get this person out of our lives and to keep her out. Right now Im not concerned about custody at all. My attorney is clear she wont get my retirement, homes or nearly anything we own as 95% of it was documented premarital assets. All this known, I can't get away, feel guilty, feel terrible, feel like she will become a local piece of meat, drug addict or worse without the only support she has left - me and out children.
This is a terrible life... . I am reading other posts and look forward to comments. Thank You!
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