Hi all

[Depression = 72% of members]

Hello all,

Our story is a long one, last  year myself and hubby went to the doctors after an outburst in a supermarket, the doctor mention BPD and referred hubby.  I don't think hub was ready at that time, however, after another outburst last week he has made another doctors appointment for this afternoon.  We are both mature full time students and each have a 13 year old child.  We have been together for 4 years and married for 3 (quick i know). From what i have found out hubby's problems have always been there.  He has confided in me in the last 2 days, things that i did not know (promiscuity, money problems and issues from childhood), he also says that he is hearing voices before he goes to sleep lately and that this has not happened before.  His mother has informed me that she had suspicions that something was different, especially during his teen years.  I am a psychology student, so on the one hand i can be supportive and understanding, however, I do not want my son to witness anymore of these outbursts or spend all his time walking on eggshells, like we all do.  My fear is that the doctor will just send us somewhere inappropriate when what we actually need is a formal diagnosis in order to commence treatment and in order for me and my son to understand all this.  This post is indeed cutting a very long story short.  Everyday of our lives is so hard.  Trying to gauge what sort of mood he will be in and trying not to set him off but something always does.  Just hoping the GP can be proactive in hubby's attempt to get help. x

[Faith280401]

Hello all,

Our story is a long one, last  year myself and hubby went to the doctors after an outburst in a supermarket, the doctor mention BPD and referred hubby.  I don't think hub was ready at that time, however, after another outburst last week he has made another doctors appointment for this afternoon.  We are both mature full time students and each have a 13 year old child.  We have been together for 4 years and married for 3 (quick i know). From what i have found out hubby's problems have always been there.  He has confided in me in the last 2 days, things that i did not know (promiscuity, money problems and issues from childhood), he also says that he is hearing voices before he goes to sleep lately and that this has not happened before.  His mother has informed me that she had suspicions that something was different, especially during his teen years.  I am a psychology student, so on the one hand i can be supportive and understanding, however, I do not want my son to witness anymore of these outbursts or spend all his time walking on eggshells, like we all do.  My fear is that the doctor will just send us somewhere inappropriate when what we actually need is a formal diagnosis in order to commence treatment and in order for me and my son to understand all this.  This post is indeed cutting a very long story short.  Everyday of our lives is so hard.  Trying to gauge what sort of mood he will be in and trying not to set him off but something always does.  Just hoping the GP can be proactive in hubby's attempt to get help. x

[PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES]

PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members may appear frustrated but they are here for constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[enlighten me]

My uBPDexw also complained about voices not letting her sleep. She ended up taking herbal sleeping pills. Not one a night for a week as recommended but two or three for about a year.  This didnt help as I believe the tablets added to her dysregulation.

[Crumbling]

 

Hi!  Welcome to the family!

Will you be going to the GP together?  Between the two of you, perhaps it would be easier to paint a well-rounded picture of your situation.

How do you feel about his recent confessions?  How did he explain not sharing all this with you before?  I would feel somehow cheated or rejected if it were me.  This sounds like a big deal, IMO.  I would think, 'what else has he not told me?'

Sending you good intentions that he has a successful visit with GP today,   

Thanks for sharing,

Crumbsy 

[Notwendy]

I would think that too, but he may have been afraid to confess for fear of rejection. - "nobody would stay with me if  they knew the real me" I think much effort is made to conceal their inside self.

I can relate to this in a way. I used to be afraid to tell anyone about my family issues with BPD mom, for fear they would not want to be my friend/partner if they knew. There's a huge sense of shame when you grow up with this. Once in college, I did reveal my family issues to someone I was dating, and he broke up with me right after that. He never told me why- there was no closure on that, just dumped me. I always wondered if it was because he found out about my family secret.

[Crumbling]

Once in college, I did reveal my family issues to someone I was dating, and he broke up with me right after that. He never told me why- there was no closure on that, just dumped me. I always wondered if it was because he found out about my family secret.

When I confessed my CSA to my ex, he told me it was in the past, to not make a big deal of it, and to just forget about it.  That was the beginning of the end for us.  I knew it was eating me up inside and that I needed help to over come it, but he invalidated all of it.  Once we split, my healing began.

[Faith280401]

Morning everyone,

Thank you for the replies. Yes we went to the gp together. He made a very honest list before we left the house which helped him explain to the gp. The doctor agreed with previous about the diagnosis but wants to see him again for a longer appointment (which has been made already).

I don't think I have had time to process all the new confessions yet, and probably won't until I've supported him through the initial period of docs visits. He's always felt forced to lie rather than tell the truth, even about the smallest things, I assumed this was to do with his upbringing as it seems to be an instant reaction.

I kind of broke down in the gp's office which I feel bad about. When he was discussing the last time hubby lost his temper. I feel I may need to seek myself at some point otherwise how can we both work on this together? Any advice in that general direction would greatly appreciated. I have an appointment with student support at uni on Tuesday,  but I think I may need more than that to get through all this and process all the added info.