and the apartment remains...

[twojaybirds]

This weekend was disappointing for me.

My dd 19 is a sophmore in college.  Her tution is covered by her generous grandmother.  Her dorm and other expenses through scholarships.  Her car is under my name, because I bought it, but she needs to pay the insurance, unless she wants to pay me the balance (1,5000.00)

Last year she got an apartment and worked through school and 2 jobs over the summer to maintin this place - even though she didnt need it and wasn't living there.  Her "boyfriend" was freeloading off the whole thing and actually controled the keys.

At the end of the summer, they broke up and she gave up the apartment. We had a great conversation about how the apartment was gone... how freeing not to owe that rent at 1,000/month ... how she can go back to school and focus on school.

This weekend her generous 81 year old grandmother was in town from 3,000 miles away and my dd's car insurance was 2 weeks over due.  (The check got lost, I meant to bring it by etc).  I told her when she saw Grammy on on Sunday, she needed to have the insurance money.  Well, she cancelled on seeing her grandmother with a big fat lie about streep throat.  She is also lamenting about not being able to purchase a science book and might have to drop a class.

Later Sunday night my bf and  I drove to the aparment she had given up.  Of course she was there wtih a friend and babysitting some man's infant.   Blah blah, she has another freeloading boyfriend who is living there and she ispaying the rent  which is why she can;t afford anything else.  I drove off with her car since she still didn't have the insurance money.  I handed her the udnerware I promised her I would  buy her and the cookies her grandma had made her and brough across the country (since they are her facorite ones)

I am mad she dumped seeing her granmother and as for the apartment, I am not overly surprised but URGH is all I have to say .

ANd she might not get the car back either.  My bf is crawling u nder it today after driving it home.  He thingks enoguh damage has been done that it is unsafe...

URGH

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[peaceplease]

twojaybirds,

Oh, those freeloader bfs!  I can understand your frustration with her not paying for insurance.  Yet, she really kept the apt. that she claimed to give up. 

I came up with an idea about my dd and her cell phone that I have  paid since February.  She has an Iphone.  She just got a job, so I told her that I will only ask for half of her share of bill for this month.  However, next month it is paid in full, or, we swap out phones.  My phone is an older flip phone with no internet service.  My cell phone bill increased $80 when I added her to plan.  I was very much against it, but my dh told her okay, as long as she paid her portion.  My dd had a good argument for getting the phone, as she never had her phone turned off.  She made it a priority bill when she had her own service.  But, in her defense, she lost her job, and really did not have the extra $ to pay for cell.  However, if she did not have the iphone, it could have cost a mere $20 extra.  I just came with brainy idea of swapping phones.  I said an iphone is nice, but I can't afford two.  Oh wait, I pay for one!  Silly me!

I hope there is not too much damage to the car.  My dd blew up two engines, by ignoring the add oil light.   And, that funny noise, a radio blaring will fix that.  Then, the big surprise comes when the car just doesn't work anymore!

[twojaybirds]

I know those bf's are so bad... .

I do not pay her phone and her car insurance costs her 350/month  on my policy with my discounts because of her driving record already.  SHe has put 7,000 mile on the car in  3 months. 

If she can afford that rat-trap of an apartment (while her private dorm room is being fullly paid) and buys her own food (with a pre-paid college meal plan) because she is commuting 50 miles one way off campus to the aparmtent just to be with the bf.  I have strengthened up my boundaries.

She cannot get the car back till she has paid me the 350.00 out tanding and a month in advance.

I am also making T-giving plans to be far away.  She wants me to make all such plans around her and then blow them off at her will (I kow its the BPD) but still I am feeling especially 'tweaked' with her treating her grandmother in such a way...

[Thursday]

2Jbirds=

7000 miles in three months? That is extraordinary! 

thursday