Kinda numb

[Parents! Get help here!]

I haven't posted in quite a while.  My DD29 called me in a panic several times late last night.  Once again,

she's being kicked out of a boyfriends place.  This has been her longest relationship to date, (3 yrs), and while it has certainly been up and down, I maintained hope.

They are both heavy drug users, and she uses alcohol, sex, anorexia, cutting... .as well.

She is supposed to start a new part time job in a couple of weeks (these also come and go pretty fast),

and her plan is to couch surf for awhile until she can get into a fleabag hotel in the most dangerous part of the big city she lives in.

I'm kinda numb- There have been so very many "crisis" - threats of suicide- late night tears.  I don't go into panic mode the way I used to with the adrenaline pumping.  I don't call or even mention the situation to significant others anymore.  What is the use?

She is not expecting me to come rescue her this time, although I suspect it's because she would need to curtail her drinking and drugs- While I'm grateful to not be the rescuer (single parent) once again, I do worry that she is headed downward into  heavy drug addiction and prostitution.

I've used the tools suggested here as well as Alanon, and I believe these are the reasons that she does not go NC.  She does keep my in the loop mostly.  I wonder about my numbness around this mess.  Is this self preservation, or, have I just stopped caring?  Thanks all for listening.

[trytrytry]

I haven't posted in quite a while.  My DD29 called me in a panic several times late last night.  Once again,

she's being kicked out of a boyfriends place.  This has been her longest relationship to date, (3 yrs), and while it has certainly been up and down, I maintained hope.

They are both heavy drug users, and she uses alcohol, sex, anorexia, cutting... .as well.

She is supposed to start a new part time job in a couple of weeks (these also come and go pretty fast),

and her plan is to couch surf for awhile until she can get into a fleabag hotel in the most dangerous part of the big city she lives in.

I'm kinda numb- There have been so very many "crisis" - threats of suicide- late night tears.  I don't go into panic mode the way I used to with the adrenaline pumping.  I don't call or even mention the situation to significant others anymore.  What is the use?

She is not expecting me to come rescue her this time, although I suspect it's because she would need to curtail her drinking and drugs- While I'm grateful to not be the rescuer (single parent) once again, I do worry that she is headed downward into  heavy drug addiction and prostitution.

I've used the tools suggested here as well as Alanon, and I believe these are the reasons that she does not go NC.  She does keep my in the loop mostly.  I wonder about my numbness around this mess.  Is this self preservation, or, have I just stopped caring?  Thanks all for listening.

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[madmom]

Oh trytrytry I am truly sorry for the pain you are experiencing.  Our BPD children are such a worry.  I am inspired by your strong spirit, and the self care you have shown yourself.  I think feeling numb is your body and minds way of taking care of you, it is overwhelming.  Take care, I am thinking about you.

[twojaybirds]

I am sorry you are experiencing all this.

I too believe that "numb" is your body way of helping you keep your boundaries.

Do you have any hobbies or joys in your life that you can turn to during these times?

[kelti1972]

Hi trytrytry:

I like your name it reminds me of one of my little sayings, try fail, try fail, succeed, gentle tolerance towards ourselves.  Take care Kelti

[salal]

Hi there Try --

I remember reading a lot about the founder of Dialectical Behaviour Training -- 2 or 3 years ago - and she bases a lot of this DBT approach to overcoming BPD issues on "radical detachment" -- which I believe is a Buddhist concept. I was going to a support group for a while, for families dealing with BPD, and they talked a lot about aiming for "radical detachment". They would say: "it is as it is -- "

I think that you feeling "kinda numb" is in that direction.

I am going the same way -- in dealing with the disappointments, threats and crises that my D27 keeps introducing into her life (and by association, mine). The numbness has been especially important when dealing with the suicidal stuff. We have become increasingly calm and detached. Like you, we are so USED to this --- it's been going on since she was a small child.

But I am not always calm or numb with my D, even now. Sometimes I feel unbearably sad and hurt -- when D rejects and condemns me.

It sounds like your D still  respects and values you. I am glad to hear that, Try.

Coming to the point of "not rescuing" any more is a very serious turning point in our lives. A further loss of innocence. A kind of wisdom, I guess.

Take care --warm wishes -- Salal