Forever Black?

[Depression = 72% of members]

It has been nine weeks since my expwBPD left. I am at the point that I am trying to figure if I will be forever painted black and can just let go completely and move on or if I need to be prepared for her to come fishing around again.

We were together for twelve years and have two kids. I valued our kids growing up in a home with both of their parents very highly; I still do. I put of with a ton of crap trying to keep my family together. I can honestly say that if she were to get herself sober and stick with therapy that I would like to have our family reunited.

In the end I got tired of reliving the same things over and over again. She had been threatening to leave me every time we would argue over the last few months we were together. The day she left I had reached my breaking point and piled all of her stuff up and told her to go. She did.

She left and went to stay with this guy her daughter had broken up with the day before. Within a week she was "in love" and sure she had found her knight in shining armor. She started threatening that she was going to pick our kids up and bring them to stay with her on the weekends. I filed for an emergency custody hearing to keep my children from having to go spend time with their mother and this guy that they had begun to form a relationship with when he was dating their sister.

At court I was awarded temporary full legal and physical custody. She asked the judge to order that I not be allowed to contact her. For the first seven weeks I tried bargaining with her, to no avail. She reported me for contacting her and threatened to file for a harassment restraining order. I have ended all contact with her for the last 11 days.

The last time we spoke on the phone she raged at me. It is clear that I trigger her at this point. She blamed me for making it so she cannot see the kids because I made her out "to be a monster" in the affidavit.

I knew form the get go that her new replacement was not who she thought he was. He is a convicted felon and served four years in prison for battery. There is another woman that lives with them. He had been telling my ex that it was his sister. It turns out she is actually his girlfriend. She knows that everything she thought he was is not true, yet she still stays living there. She has been on one hell of a bender since we split up. We still have a joint bank accounts and the other day I went to the bank and pulled  a statement. From what I can tell she has spent 46% of her income on drugs and alcohol over the last eight weeks. I know from her other children that she is a mess. She always took very good care of herself. She has lost a lot of weight and is not wearing make up or doing her hair.

We had many fights and recycled numerous times over the twelve years we were together. We always ended up back together. Although I would like to reunite my family, what is more important to me is that our children have the opportunity to have their mother in their lives, a healthy version of her. So far she has failed to comply with anything that was in the initial court order.

Do you think she will try and come back, or do you think I have been painted forever black?

[papawapa]

It has been nine weeks since my expwBPD left. I am at the point that I am trying to figure if I will be forever painted black and can just let go completely and move on or if I need to be prepared for her to come fishing around again.

We were together for twelve years and have two kids. I valued our kids growing up in a home with both of their parents very highly; I still do. I put of with a ton of crap trying to keep my family together. I can honestly say that if she were to get herself sober and stick with therapy that I would like to have our family reunited.

In the end I got tired of reliving the same things over and over again. She had been threatening to leave me every time we would argue over the last few months we were together. The day she left I had reached my breaking point and piled all of her stuff up and told her to go. She did.

She left and went to stay with this guy her daughter had broken up with the day before. Within a week she was "in love" and sure she had found her knight in shining armor. She started threatening that she was going to pick our kids up and bring them to stay with her on the weekends. I filed for an emergency custody hearing to keep my children from having to go spend time with their mother and this guy that they had begun to form a relationship with when he was dating their sister.

At court I was awarded temporary full legal and physical custody. She asked the judge to order that I not be allowed to contact her. For the first seven weeks I tried bargaining with her, to no avail. She reported me for contacting her and threatened to file for a harassment restraining order. I have ended all contact with her for the last 11 days.

The last time we spoke on the phone she raged at me. It is clear that I trigger her at this point. She blamed me for making it so she cannot see the kids because I made her out "to be a monster" in the affidavit.

I knew form the get go that her new replacement was not who she thought he was. He is a convicted felon and served four years in prison for battery. There is another woman that lives with them. He had been telling my ex that it was his sister. It turns out she is actually his girlfriend. She knows that everything she thought he was is not true, yet she still stays living there. She has been on one hell of a bender since we split up. We still have a joint bank accounts and the other day I went to the bank and pulled  a statement. From what I can tell she has spent 46% of her income on drugs and alcohol over the last eight weeks. I know from her other children that she is a mess. She always took very good care of herself. She has lost a lot of weight and is not wearing make up or doing her hair.

We had many fights and recycled numerous times over the twelve years we were together. We always ended up back together. Although I would like to reunite my family, what is more important to me is that our children have the opportunity to have their mother in their lives, a healthy version of her. So far she has failed to comply with anything that was in the initial court order.

Do you think she will try and come back, or do you think I have been painted forever black?

[WonderingWhat]

After my experience, I think you need to be prepared for not having her back ever, even if you are not going to be painted "black" forever.

I even got an apology from my ex... . it seemed sincere (although it was not specific and so in reality, I'm not sure what she was apologizing for specifically, and really in retrospect, it was probably more about her as in her apology, she wrote that she had messed up her life in more ways she ever thought possible).

Yet... . the same cycles continue and continue... . I had hope once... . this past while, I actually feel free now, after giving up on that hope!

[cska]

It varies. My friend's BPD ex painted him black forever. My ex still tries to contact me (and she kept occasionally hanging out with her previous bf while dating me). I think you should be mentally prepared for both scenarios.