Struggles with knowing/accepting that BPD is a severe mental illness

[kc sunshine]

Yeah, you guys are really right about the fast timeline with her new girlfriend pointing to a continuation of the pattern. What I was thinking of though, was that she chose someone that is more stable (doesn't need to travel for work, doesn't have kids of her own etc) so that perhaps the relationship won't be as triggering for her. I think in part my ex moved her in so quickly was so that she could have some help with her daughter who is very much struggling with BPD symptoms herself (cutting, suicidality, substance abuse). Man, what a difficult disease.   

[lovenature]

I would think it gets worse with age; the more failed relationships and time they spend alone without an attachment, the more shame they are likely to feel. We know they make up their own reality to fit their current emotion of the moment and blame others to off load the feelings of shame they can't process, but regardless of what they believed happened, the cycle always repeats.
The longer they go on trying to find someone to make them feel good about themselves and failing, getting closer to believing they are too old to find love, the stronger their defense mechanisms are likely to be; some may move on quicker to another attachment, or like my ex., desperately try to retain her main one (me) while also keep others/find new ones.

I agree that not all are alike, we need to go by what we lived; words and actions, matching or not.

As others have said; best to shift the focus to us once we have learned enough about the disorder. We are capable of learning our part and improving ourselves.