Do they have a sixth sense?

[Depression = 72% of members]

Seriously, do BPDs have Spider-Sense or something?

I went on a date this weekend with a really cute and funny woman. Completely hit it off, and I'm really looking forward to the next date this weekend.

I work with my exBPDgf. Since the break up, there has been an "unspoken rule" when it comes to lunchtime outside the building. I stay on my side, she stays on her's. Aside from the very, very occasional moments we pass by each other on the street, which is rare, it's been this way for almost 5 months now(No Contact for 2).

Today, she and her 'flying monkeys'(as WoundedBib would say) actually passed by "my side" of the building. The flying monkeys watched every single move I made, while she kept her head down. I managed to push down what little anxiety I had about it and continued my telling a story to my friends with a smile on my face.

But, every time I would look up. The monkeys were watching me, even from afar. It was incredibly immature and instantly reminded me of high school. Even now, I feel foolish and silly just typing it.

I've detached a great deal these past few weeks, especially after meeting and going out with someone new. But my question is, do BPD's have some kind of "sixth sense"? It's almost surreal, that she broke the unspoken agreement, right after my first date weekend. It's spooky! Almost like she knows I'm detaching more.

I'm just curious if anyone else has any spooky stories about their BPDex's popping up out of nowhere, when the detachment process is accelerating.

[Dhand77]

Seriously, do BPDs have Spider-Sense or something?

I went on a date this weekend with a really cute and funny woman. Completely hit it off, and I'm really looking forward to the next date this weekend.

I work with my exBPDgf. Since the break up, there has been an "unspoken rule" when it comes to lunchtime outside the building. I stay on my side, she stays on her's. Aside from the very, very occasional moments we pass by each other on the street, which is rare, it's been this way for almost 5 months now(No Contact for 2).

Today, she and her 'flying monkeys'(as WoundedBib would say) actually passed by "my side" of the building. The flying monkeys watched every single move I made, while she kept her head down. I managed to push down what little anxiety I had about it and continued my telling a story to my friends with a smile on my face.

But, every time I would look up. The monkeys were watching me, even from afar. It was incredibly immature and instantly reminded me of high school. Even now, I feel foolish and silly just typing it.

I've detached a great deal these past few weeks, especially after meeting and going out with someone new. But my question is, do BPD's have some kind of "sixth sense"? It's almost surreal, that she broke the unspoken agreement, right after my first date weekend. It's spooky! Almost like she knows I'm detaching more.

I'm just curious if anyone else has any spooky stories about their BPDex's popping up out of nowhere, when the detachment process is accelerating.

[Lucky Jim]

Hey Dhand77, Oh I think so.  Those w/BPD are highly adept at reading people and signals, because they've been doing it all their lives in order to keep their disorder secret.  So I think they have developed this skill to the point that, at times, seems eerie.  Sometimes it felt like my BPDxW was anticipating my thoughts!  The flying monkeys sound irritating.  Is there anything you can do to minimize contact with BPDxGF?  LJ

[troisette]

Maybe you are unknowingly giving out a different vibe since your date Dhand?

Most intuitives would pick up on that, not just someone with BPD.

[Dhand77]

Maybe you are unknowingly giving out a different vibe since your date Dhand?

Most intuitives would pick up on that, not just someone with BPD.

It's possible. I changed my 'look' A LOT. I spent the better part of a decade dressing like an extra in a Beastie Boys video , to a much more 'modern' look. I feel confident again and have been for the past few weeks. Even my Administrator commented that I look different and then she added I looked better. Lol. So yeah, my confidence and well being is right back to before I met the ex.

I just found it so spooky for her to actively place herself in my presence for the first time in 5 months, only a few days after I go out with another woman.

[john83]

Maybe you are unknowingly giving out a different vibe since your date Dhand?

Most intuitives would pick up on that, not just someone with BPD.

It's possible. I changed my 'look' A LOT. I spent the better part of a decade dressing like an extra in a Beastie Boys video , to a much more 'modern' look. I feel confident again and have been for the past few weeks. Even my Administrator commented that I look different and then she added I looked better. Lol. So yeah, my confidence and well being is right back to before I met the ex.

I just found it so spooky for her to actively place herself in my presence for the first time in 5 months, only a few days after I go out with another woman.

Ignore her... .don't dwell on it, and concentrate on this new lady in your life... .it's probably just a coincidence, but having dated a pwBPD you may well be more vigilant, in general, and hyper vigilant where she is conerned

but you don't need me, or anyone else to tell you this!

But just for fun... .,my exBPDgf claimed to have been told by some spiritualist or other that she had a 'gift'   Doesn't say much for spiritual insight does it? Unless of course, it was a witch

She also told me when we first met that she 'feels' much more than most people and has a kind of 'uber-empathy' (my words, not hers)... .she missed the bit about being the most manipulative, disparaging and emotionally destructive person I'm ever likely to be involved with... .

[GreenEyedMonster]

I tend to think that there is something to the idea that pwBPD are super sensitive.  My ex also claimed to be very empathetic and have an "indigo" aura or whatever it is.  He was definitely a very sensitive person, but I think that this predisposed him to lasting trauma and PTSD-like symptoms more than anything else. 

They say that about 20% of the population have highly sensitive nervous systems.  My guess is that a lot of people with BPD and NPD fall into this category.  Criticism that one normally encounters in childhood traumatizes them more than the average person, hence the long list of coping mechanisms they need in order to feel whole.  A sensitive person would also be more subject to being influenced by outside forces in general, like what other people think of them.

My ex tended to catastrophize and overgenealize, seeing patterns and imminent doom where there was none.  He definitely picked up on my moods most of the time, but he did not respond to them appropriately.  For example, he would tell me after a gathering with friends that he could tell I wasn't feeling well, but he would offer nothing in the way of comfort or reassurance. 

[KarmasReal]

I definitely see a trend here guys, my exBPD was equally adept at reading people as yours seem to be. She would tell me she could sense things and knew when bad things were going to happen. I like both theories I've seen on here, one is she was good at reading people because that's how she could camouflage her BPD.

Or two, like greeneyedmonster said, she could have been a by product of her BPD from childhood criticism, abuse, etc. My ex also seemed influenced by others more than usual. She also greatly exaggerated what she read from people and usually she only could read the negative. I never once heard her say she could tell something good was gonna happen, or that I was in a good mood, or her coworkers were happy. It was always something bad is gonna happen, or I was in bad mood, or so and so was hiding something from her.

But, no, I don't think they are psychic during one of my break ups I dated a girl for a month, my ex never saw me during this time and she never knew. The week after me and this girl called it quits strangely enough my ex re-engaged and we got back together. Hell maybe they are psychic? But I figured if my ex knew I was dating she would have engaged sooner maybe? They can definitely read people in front of them, I know my ex could. There is another post here about Internet stalking by BPD's, it could be possible she stalked me so well she was able to figure out I was dating again. Although when she found out after the fact she seemed genuinely mad like she hadn't known. But manipulation is key for their survival and that could have been her way of making me think she had never stalked me but she really had. I know several occasions where she's said she was the best at finding stuff out and Internet stalking, she even has one or more fake Facebook accounts and who knows what else. So your ex could be stalking or she could be reading you, either way I think she knows something is up.

[john83]

... .he would tell me after a gathering with friends that he could tell I wasn't feeling well, but he would offer nothing in the way of comfort or reassurance. 

So... .on a practical level, this 'heightened empathy' doesn't really benefit the relationship.  

[john83]

She also greatly exaggerated what she read from people and usually she only could read the negative... .It was always something bad is gonna happen, or I was in bad mood... .

Jeez... .there are so many similarities it's uncanny... .this particular one, the one where she could 'sense' I was in a bad mood, used to really wind me up... .

She would say "Are you arsey with me?"... .more often than not, I would actually be feeling fine.

I reply "No... .I'm fine"

She'd then say, "No you're not! I can tell... .you're p***ed off about something... .you're being arsey... .what's wrong?

I'd repeat that I was fine... .nothing was wrong... .

She'd continue in this vein until I'd start to get angry... .then say "See! I knew you were arsey... ."

Lost count the number of times I fell for that one

[Anez]

Dhand! they definitely have something.

I signed up for my company softball team after a bunch of co-workers asked me to.

Our team captain sent out an email today with info on our first game. Who was included on that email? My ex. Who doesn't even play sports.

We're NC and a bunch of people on the team don't know about our past. I doubt she'll go to any games but I don't even want to be in her presence for just one of them.

[Rayban]

It is common for people with BPD to be hypersensitive. Over the years, they become experts at reading body language, and interpreting  tone of voice or what is said. They are able to pick up any tiny cues which might suggest a slight towards them, or feel when someone else is annoyed or happy with them.

Confidence is attractive, especially when you are at a good place in your life, and genuinely happy. I'm guessing your ex has picked up on this, and is fuming at the thought that you are getting along in your life without her. In her warped mind, it's a blow to her ego that your moving on.

As for the flying monkeys, beware of something called gang stalking. I wouldn't be surprised if she fed them a victim story of what a terrible person you are, and that you must be stopped from inflicting this pain on others. Something along the lines of women unite to harass, and eliminate this terrible person. When all else fails in getting to you, BPD's and cluster B's in general will not hesitate to  recruit people to do their bidding.

If they amp this up, do not react in anyway that is what she would be looking for, an opportunity to tell others ''I told you he is ... .what ever she told them'' Keep being yourself. Be happy and the people who matter will stick by you.

[Nuitari]

Reading this thread reminded me of the day I joined this forum. After six months of NC, my ex called me out of the blue. As I'm typing out my introductory post, my phone goes off. I look, and its her! After six months! Its almost like she could sense from miles away that I was making an effort at recovery and tried to interrupt it. I know it was only an odd coincidence. But still, that was very eerie.

[JerryRG]

My exgf had a very keen sense of people and especially their dark side and weeknesses. She told me that since she had been attacked so many times that she could tell the bad guys knew she was somehow vurnerable.

I'm thinking she had a demented view of sex and believed she deserved to be punished? Just guessing but she knew how to wrap me around her finger. Manipulate much?

What a tangled web we weave when we (BPD) practice practice (practice makes perfect) to deceive... .

[Sunfl0wer]

because they've been doing it all their lives in order to keep their disorder secret.

Like others have said, yes, they are hypersensitive, hyper vigilant too.

Like troisette says, this is not exclusive to BPD.

I have PTSD, and I feel I have somewhat of a "6th sense" if you want to call it that.

Growing up surrounded by constant danger all around rewires the brain to be constantly scanning for perceived dangers, and picking up on minor nuances in the enviornment.  Some people learn to accurately access the info they take in, often pwBPD have difficulties accessing the info they pick up and may make the wrong meaning of the info.

[Dhand77]

It is common for people with BPD to be hypersensitive. Over the years, they become experts at reading body language, and interpreting  tone of voice or what is said. They are able to pick up any tiny cues which might suggest a slight towards them, or feel when someone else is annoyed or happy with them.

Confidence is attractive, especially when you are at a good place in your life, and genuinely happy. I'm guessing your ex has picked up on this, and is fuming at the thought that you are getting along in your life without her. In her warped mind, it's a blow to her ego that your moving on.

As for the flying monkeys, beware of something called gang stalking. I wouldn't be surprised if she fed them a victim story of what a terrible person you are, and that you must be stopped from inflicting this pain on others. Something along the lines of women unite to harass, and eliminate this terrible person. When all else fails in getting to you, BPD's and cluster B's in general will not hesitate to  recruit people to do their bidding.

If they amp this up, do not react in anyway that is what she would be looking for, an opportunity to tell others ''I told you he is ... .what ever she told them'' Keep being yourself. Be happy and the people who matter will stick by you.

Thanks everyone,

I'm really hoping this is just an isolated incident. But, I've learned over the past few months, that my ex's actions always have an ulterior motive. I know not to feed the dragon, nor will I allow her to screw up my progress. It was just so coincidental, I really felt like she has some kind of Spidey Sense. Like she knows I'm really beginning to move on. Like she senses I'm doing better, so she wants to undermine it, because I'm not beating the crap out of myself anymore.

[GreenEyedMonster]

... .he would tell me after a gathering with friends that he could tell I wasn't feeling well, but he would offer nothing in the way of comfort or reassurance. 

So... .on a practical level, this 'heightened empathy' doesn't really benefit the relationship.  

Right.  People will sometimes say that personality disordered people lack empathy.  Sometimes people even report that their therapists say this.  In my experience, this is completely untrue.  My ex definitely knew what other people were thinking and feeling.  But like an earlier poster said, his perceptions were skewed negative, always sensing that something bad was going to happen or that someone was going to harm him.  He was very paranoid.  Only recently has he dropped his obsession with me stalking him, and that seems to be because he's had other positive things in his life to distract him.

I read somewhere -- I wish I could cite the source -- that when revising the DSM, experts considered eliminating BPD altogether in favor of labeling it all complex PTSD.  This makes sense to me.  Consider how a veteran coming back from war might have heightened senses after living in a life-threatening situation.  No event or situation can ever be written off as completely innocent, even the proverbial Coke can along the road.  Sam Vaknin also suggests that NPD is a form of complex PTSD.  It only makes sense that heightened senses go along with all this.  If a person is sensitive to begin with, that might predispose them to experiencing traumas as being more intense, and then their sensitivity gets even more amped up after that.  It is basically a survival instinct that becomes so strong that it defines the individual's personality and hijacks every other priority in the person's brain.

"Empathy" is a complex idea because it tends to be measured based on the person's response to information.  In other words, if I empathize with someone who is hurting, I will hug them, etc.  That is not necessarily true.  Many people experience empathy but can't put it into action for one reason or another.  Many individuals on the autism spectrum, for example, will report knowing what another person is feeling but not knowing how to respond appropriately.  In the case of my ex, if he knew I wasn't feeling well, but he had experienced trauma in his past when someone wasn't feeling well and belittled him for not helping appropriately, it makes sense that he would not respond to the empathetic cues, even if he felt them.

[sweet tooth]

I detached a few times in the beginning. She always came back shortly after I wrote her off. This time, I'm not sure. She told me not to contact her again, but I honestly think it's a matter of time before she reappears.

[john83]

... .I don't even want to be in her presence for just one of them.

think you've just hit a home run

[Anez]

... .I don't even want to be in her presence for just one of them.

think you've just hit a home run

I thought so, too, but my T, who has a lot of experience with BPD, told me yesterday that it would be good for me to go to the games even if she's there. He thinks if I can go and be neutral it will take her power away. They feed of the two extremes of relationships - ones that are on going and they can control and ones that are completely shut off like we are now. If I go and just be cool and normal it will show her that I'm moving on and don't need or want her in my life.

So eff it, I'm gonna go. I doubt she will.

[john83]

... .he would tell me after a gathering with friends that he could tell I wasn't feeling well, but he would offer nothing in the way of comfort or reassurance. 

So... .on a practical level, this 'heightened empathy' doesn't really benefit the relationship.  

Right.  People will sometimes say that personality disordered people lack empathy.  Sometimes people even report that their therapists say this.  In my experience, this is completely untrue.  My ex definitely knew what other people were thinking and feeling.  But like an earlier poster said, his perceptions were skewed negative, always sensing that something bad was going to happen or that someone was going to harm him.  He was very paranoid.  Only recently has he dropped his obsession with me stalking him, and that seems to be because he's had other positive things in his life to distract him.

I read somewhere -- I wish I could cite the source -- that when revising the DSM, experts considered eliminating BPD altogether in favor of labeling it all complex PTSD.  This makes sense to me.  Consider how a veteran coming back from war might have heightened senses after living in a life-threatening situation.  No event or situation can ever be written off as completely innocent, even the proverbial Coke can along the road.  Sam Vaknin also suggests that NPD is a form of complex PTSD.  It only makes sense that heightened senses go along with all this.  If a person is sensitive to begin with, that might predispose them to experiencing traumas as being more intense, and then their sensitivity gets even more amped up after that.  It is basically a survival instinct that becomes so strong that it defines the individual's personality and hijacks every other priority in the person's brain.

"Empathy" is a complex idea because it tends to be measured based on the person's response to information.  In other words, if I empathize with someone who is hurting, I will hug them, etc.  That is not necessarily true.  Many people experience empathy but can't put it into action for one reason or another.  Many individuals on the autism spectrum, for example, will report knowing what another person is feeling but not knowing how to respond appropriately.  In the case of my ex, if he knew I wasn't feeling well, but he had experienced trauma in his past when someone wasn't feeling well and belittled him for not helping appropriately, it makes sense that he would not respond to the empathetic cues, even if he felt them.

I had this conversation with my ex. Her response is telling... .

Background: She told me early on that she 'feels' more than other people, and has greater empathy. She put this down to endometriosis as this affects oestrogen levels... .(more research need)

Following a major argument, I called her out on this 'heightened sensitivity'. I asked her is it possible, given her increased state of sensitivity, that minor issues become exaggerated?

She replied that I was simply trying to use her condition as a means to get off the hook for my lack of caring and thoughtfullness towards her... .that I was denying her feelings and negating my responsibility... .

Is it any wonder we end up confused?

   

[john83]

... .I don't even want to be in her presence for just one of them.

think you've just hit a home run

I thought so, too, but my T, who has a lot of experience with BPD, told me yesterday that it would be good for me to go to the games even if she's there. He thinks if I can go and be neutral it will take her power away. They feed of the two extremes of relationships - ones that are on going and they can control and ones that are completely shut off like we are now. If I go and just be cool and normal it will show her that I'm moving on and don't need or want her in my life.

So eff it, I'm gonna go. I doubt she will.

Good Luck! Try to avoid looking out for her, if you can... .easier said than done

I'm in a similar situation... .We both used to be regular posters on an VW internet forum. We had loads of mutual acquaintances, many of whom we met up with for weekend camps and the like... .She stopped posting on there, immediately after the Idealization phase (I now realize). I continued. A couple of days after I broke off the relationship, she was back on there with a tale of woe about 'recent personal problems' and how her 'support network had been reduced', interspersed with some casual flirting... .knowing full well I'd read it... .I can't bring myself to go back on there, but at some point I think I ought to, as she is aware of how much I enjoyed the forum and what it meant to me... .the longer I leave it, the more 'satisfaction' she has

I know it sounds childish, but this is how it feels at the moment.

How the controlling continues eh? even if it's in our own minds... . 

[steelwork]

I read somewhere -- I wish I could cite the source -- that when revising the DSM, experts considered eliminating BPD altogether in favor of labeling it all complex PTSD.  This makes sense to me.  Consider how a veteran coming back from war might have heightened senses after living in a life-threatening situation.  No event or situation can ever be written off as completely innocent, even the proverbial Coke can along the road.  Sam Vaknin also suggests that NPD is a form of complex PTSD.  It only makes sense that heightened senses go along with all this.  If a person is sensitive to begin with, that might predispose them to experiencing traumas as being more intense, and then their sensitivity gets even more amped up after that.  It is basically a survival instinct that becomes so strong that it defines the individual's personality and hijacks every other priority in

I just want to caution that C-PTSD, while often co-occurring with BPD, is not the same thing. It only partially overlaps in symptomology. This report gives some good info on the differences:

www.ejpt.net/index.php/ejpt/article/view/25097

[hurting300]

To be honest, since I have been thru all this I feel like I have a sixth sense. My intuition is never wrong now. It's something I never had before.

[Anez]

To be honest, since I have been thru all this I feel like I have a sixth sense. My intuition is never wrong now. It's something I never had before.

Totally know how you feel. Absolutely.

[troisette]

hurting and Anez - my intuition is heightened too. Maybe because we have become extra-sensitive because of what we've experienced. Like flight or fight syndrome in animals?

[GreenEyedMonster]

Telling a pwBPD that their feelings are "exaggerated" or wrong is probably very provocative for them.  I can only imagine.  For someone with extreme emotions, growing up can be tough, and people can often come up with very dismissive explanations for their pain.  "You're just PMSing," or something like that might be used to explain why their feelings are illegitimate.  Just because someone has a psychiatric or health condition does not make their personal experience of those feelings any less real.  Some people really ARE that sensitive that little things make them cry, feel hurt, or left out.  It isn't that something is wrong with them and needs to be fixed.

I think that kind of discussion of what makes someone sensitive might be appropriate when they are not very emotional -- on a good day when they are calm.  But if you attempt such a thing when they are in an argument or upset, you're basically invalidating them and coming up with reasons not to deal with their emotions in that present moment.  I know it's tempting when we are emotionally overloaded and don't want to deal with all their triggers, but I think if you are serious about dealing with a person like this, you have to give their feelings some validation and legitimacy and go from there.

[hurting300]

hurting and Anez - my intuition is heightened too. Maybe because we have become extra-sensitive because of what we've experienced. Like flight or fight syndrome in animals?

Well since that happened to me I can read people and I can tell if bad things are about to happen. Intuition is real.

[Joseph123]

Hello Shans, if my own experience with bps w is a guide, then darn right they have a 6th sense, I don't know how many times she knew things that I couldn't explain, or showed up in places she should not have had reason to be. There is one thing that to this day gives me chills.

[Nuitari]

Same here. I'll never how my ex knew so much about me.

When the relationship was just beginning, I remember that we were talking about religion, and I was surprised at how much her beliefs paralleled mine, and I have some pretty unique beliefs. Now, I'm not a very religious person, but I've always had an interest in Buddhism, and reading books on the subject had become a hobby of mine. During this discussion she told me how much she likes Buddhism before I had even brought it up. Maybe it's a coincidence but I have plenty of other similar stories.

I like classical music, and I have a lot of CD's of Bach, Mozart, Beethoven, etc. I will sometimes put them on repeat and listen to them at night when I'm going to sleep. She told me one day out of the blue that she likes classical music and likes to listen to it while she sleeps.

She always seemed to know exactly what I wanted to hear. I'm one of the few people on this planet who isn't on social media, so there is no way she could have obtained personal information on what music I like or what my religious beliefs are. It was eerie. Did we really have that much in common, or was she able to "read" these things in me somehow? 

[Moselle]

Confidence is attractive, especially when you are at a good place in your life, and genuinely happy. I'm guessing your ex has picked up on this, and is fuming at the thought that you are getting along in your life without her. In her warped mind, it's a blow to her ego that your moving on.

This is spot on. She no doubt picked up on your self confidence and would not like that at all. I remember 15 years ago at the start of my BPD relationship how she resisted any efforts of mine to build my confidence.

To my chagrin, I stayed for 15 more years in this relationship. To my credit I bave exited the carnage. And for the first time in a long, I am also feeling confident.

My ex is raging in response.

Why? - because when someone's confidence is low they can be controlled. And control is at the heart of this disorder.

Well done for having confidence