Today has been hard staying strong

[ILMBPDC]

Rationally, I know that I am better off. That I dodged a bullet NOT getting really serious with Mr BPD. (Reading everyone's stories, plus his own recounting of his relationships when we were still speaking, made me realize how much worse things could have been). Rationally I know that it takes time to deal with any emotional upset.
BUT
I can't stop hoping he contacts me. That he apologizes. That he somehow decides he needs me in his life and misses me as much as I miss him.
I know that I have my own issues - codependence and low self esteem being big ones -and I'm aware that this is why I feel this way.
I am holding strong on not contacting him. I know I can get through this but for some reason today its just so hard.

Can anyone share how they get through days like this?  Keep in mind I really don't have any friends that I am close enough to to lean on with something like this


My story, if you need the background: https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=350137.msg13149608

[B1987]

I feel exactly the same as you right now. I’m 6 weeks NC with my ex gf and am really struggling with the silence between us. I can’t stop thinking about her, wondering if she’s ok, wondering who she’s with etc. These thoughts/feelings are the worst!

I’m not on social media so I have no idea what she’s doing which only seems to make my mind wander more.

I still have the hope that she’ll contact me but it’s looking increasingly unlikely and I have to remind myself what good could come from it anyway. I’d probably get hurt again or be treated with an air of indifference from the woman who claimed to love me. There’s even a possibility that she wouldn’t even be the person I knew anymore - they change so quickly that she could have completely different ideas/behaviours/characteristics etc. Personally, I’d take NC over getting hurt from any of these things.

I’ve found one of the best things to help me is exercise. Take long walks, run or join a gym if you can.

Also, when you find yourself wishing they’d contact you, try and think of all the crappy things they did. Remember that anyone who truly loved you like they claim to do would never discard a relationship in this fashion, it’s all false and shallow and conditional to unrealistic expectations.

It’s really hard and will be for a long time, at 6 weeks NC I can’t say I’m any better and I pine for her every minute of the day. I keep going in the hope that it does get better and knowing I deserve more

Stay strong!

[once removed]

do you like to write?

i once tried an exercise - involving a different person - where i wrote about what my wishes would be like. maybe try writing out what it would be like if he did contact you and apologize, and etc.

I'm aware that this is why I feel this way.

its also a loss that leaves a void. its okay to grieve it.

I am holding strong on not contacting him.

it helped me to tell myself that i could contact my ex any time i wanted. it didnt have to be so final in my head, as i was making it. but i also reminded myself that now was not the time, maybe later. the distinction helps psychologically; i do the same thing with food. i can have that bag of chips, but why not wait until later? later, i typically dont want it anymore.

feelings pass.

[ILMBPDC]

I still have the hope that she’ll contact me but it’s looking increasingly unlikely and I have to remind myself what good could come from it anyway.

Also, when you find yourself wishing they’d contact you, try and think of all the crappy things they did.

I do this ALL THE TIME - Its almost a mantra and like I said, rationally it makes sense but the emotional side of me still seems to think "he can change" or "I can fix him" its actually really frustrating to be in my brain sometimes .

Take long walks, run or join a gym if you can.

I go to the gym 3 days a week - and I have literally started crying on the treadmill. I do agree that in general it helps keep me more upbeat it definitely isn't keeping my mind off of him

Still, thank you so much for your input - honestly sometimes just knowing other people are going through the same thing helps so much!

I keep going in the hope that it does get better and knowing I deserve more

We all deserve more!  And 6 weeks isn't that long (or, in my case, 11 days!) -  Stay strong!

[ILMBPDC]

do you like to write?
i once tried an exercise - involving a different person - where i wrote about what my wishes would be like. maybe try writing out what it would be like if he did contact you and apologize, and etc.

I've been journaling - its a guided journal but I still write about him a lot. It does help. I like your idea about writing about if he did contact me, I will try that tonight.

its also a loss that leaves a void. its okay to grieve it.

I need to keep remembering this.

feelings pass.

Thank you. For all of this. 

[Goosey]

I think someone should start a “I need a kick in a-s” post.
   Just so when we feel that pull… boom … what are you thinking?