Is she really this toxic?

[Shedd]

Hi all,

So we've managed to be in contact every so often and things are going fine, but after our break up things started going downhill really fast for me.  I wanted to kill my self and have been struggling to climb out of the darkness ever since.  In the midst of the darkness I have found that I have a brain aneurism and I feel as though I have some nerve damage in my brain because I can constantly feel the inside of my head like it's moving around, and I feel like I have the start of glaucoma.  I also have colors cardio facial syndrome which attacks my immune system, but I can't help, but to feel like she did this to me for how toxic she was an sister how sad I have been without her in my life.  I was extremely in love with her and thought she was the one and she was perfect.  I realize now more than ever how terrible she was for me, but could she really be that toxic to cause all these problems for me? Or am I overthinking that and it's just my immune disorder? Keep in mind I am a 30 year old female.

Oh, and I've been to the eye doctor and neurologist, but the only thing they found was the brain aneurism.  They can't tell me why I have that feeling in my head or why my vision is blurry.

[happendtome]

I must say that the health issue was one of the key elements why i got focused to no contact so deeply.
I am afraid that these kind of relationships could be very damaging to our health system. In my case, i had almost a year problems with my sleeping. Only now, last 2-3 months i have got my sleep back. Still some days not so good. I also did cut my alcohol intake (never been a heavy drinker, but reduced still) and started exercising. Jogging etc.
I have experienced before in my life that stress could lead all kind of health issues so thats why i was so determined this time. I really want to take stress level in my life to the minimum level. It seems impossible though, but i try.

[Lucky Jim]

Hey Shedd, I'm sorry to learn that you went into a tailspin after your b/u.  To answer your question: yes, I think she really is that toxic.  Needless to say, our emotional and physical health are closely intertwined.  After separating from my BPDxW, I was depressed and experienced weird foot pain that I've never had before or since.  Stress manifests itself in the body in unpredictable ways, I think.  Suggest you continue to treat yourself with care and compassion.  It definitely gets better!

LuckyJim