Extinction Burst and NC?

[Family Court Strategies: When Your Partner Has BPD OR NPD Traits.]

I have a question... .

I had a very irregular form of responding to my exBPDbf before I went NC 5 months ago. I don't think he knew that I was going to really leave him, promised to send my things, told me he sent them. What do you know... . my things never showed up.

This upset me GREATLY. Loads of money lost along the way, it's just stuff... . but was this extinction burst? He began to get really violent through messages (threatening to kill me, then straight into asking me to visit which is frightening) when I stopped asking for the stuff back, or responding in general.

It seemed like a desperate plea and he is still trying to reach me in very indirect ways.

No contact what-so-ever. He knows the hook isn't there. So what gives?

[confetti]

I have a question... .

I had a very irregular form of responding to my exBPDbf before I went NC 5 months ago. I don't think he knew that I was going to really leave him, promised to send my things, told me he sent them. What do you know... . my things never showed up.

This upset me GREATLY. Loads of money lost along the way, it's just stuff... . but was this extinction burst? He began to get really violent through messages (threatening to kill me, then straight into asking me to visit which is frightening) when I stopped asking for the stuff back, or responding in general.

It seemed like a desperate plea and he is still trying to reach me in very indirect ways.

No contact what-so-ever. He knows the hook isn't there. So what gives?

[GreenMango]

These relationships aren't necessarily the epitome of maturity.  It could be an extinction burst - trying to see how far he needs to go to get your attention.  It could just be him not following through on commitments - would it be the first time?

Do you need the stuff?  Maybe that stuff isn't as important as your overall well being.  I know it's difficult and it sounds like theres a part that wants to make sense of this.  Sometimes that is the hard part - trying to make sense of something that doesn't really make sense.

Take a look at the lessons for the Leaving Board - there's some pretty good stuff in there.