the bottom line is that youre dealing with deep, long held insecurities that no particular action you can take will assuage or alleviate.
they are deep, long held insecurities that you need to be mindful and cognizant of, and patient about, if you choose this relationship. but if you have a jealous partner (i did as well), there isnt really any making them a less jealous partner.
people with bpd have inherent trust issues (jealousy is not a diagnostic criteria, but extreme jealousy is common). you wont fix this by upending your life. the best way to think of it is as building an overall secure relationship environment - our loved ones thrive in those circumstances - but still accepting that you love a difficult person with these predilections.
now, anyone might be nervous about a big change in a relationship. i might be a little nervous if my partner went back to school, that she might meet someone super charming that would sweep her off her feet. i might notice if she got a bit busy or distant. someone with bpd would feel that way, but on steroids. it might be an almost existential fear. the tendency would not be to self sooth, but to think the worst, and, perhaps, act accordingly.
the short answer, again, is that you dont upend your life - it doesnt assuage her insecurities, and it just drains you of support and connection, which are vital, especially in a challenging relationship - but you do learn a bit about how to speak her language, so to speak, and how to deal with a jealous person. we have a great workshop on it here:
https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=78324.0
