she started a new therapist(vent)

[qwaszx]

so I’m sort of more beginning to wonder if therapy is at all helpful, she’s seen so many now, i feel like they just confuse her and set her back farther... . now she doesn’t think she has BPD(or not that she doesn’t think she has it but that they don’t think she has it, or they aren’t telling her, so i know she gets more confused). Each therapist she seems last 6 months, then leave (burn out we think)

It’s so painfully obvious that she has BPD, how are they missing this?(the lack of self, the feeling of “faking it”, feeling like people will someday find out shes not real, the lack of empathy, the self-harm, the rage, the lies, the emptiness, the need for control, the push/pull, splitting, impulsive acts, fear of abandonment, self-hatred, hallucinations,  her files got to be filling up by now... . i could go on)   i makes me so mad i just want to scream... . does the wrong therapy make things worse?

it is important that she gets the right dignoses?

[RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING]

RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members are welcomed to express frustration but must seek constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[united for now]

Does getting a cast on your leg help fix your heart  problem?

When it comes to therapy the therapist has to  treat the presenting problem. If the patient is complaining about their leg and not their heart then the correct issue will never be addressed. If she is not completely disclosing her fears, cutting, and feelings of emptiness then the therapist is treating the wrong problem.

Is she open to seeing a BPD specialist?

What are "her" reasons for going to a T?

[waverider]

BPD and therapy is frustrating as pwBPD invariably present themselves in a way they either think the other person wants to hear or project their own issues. Especially when not in a state of dysregulation. It's not just with T's but with anyone.

It is why it is hard for anyone to work out what their issues are or indeed if they have any. It is also easy for them to delude themselves they have no issues.

Sometimes I think T may work best once the home environment is stable and non threatening to the pwBPD so that you can talk more openly about the issues. That way the pwBPD is already owning and willing to disclose the real problems with the T, and going with a view to working on them.

Of course thats in the ideal world

[qwaszx]

that like the same line i use, almost... . mine is “a dentist isn’t qualified to mend broken bones" so yes, I feel like they are working on the wrong problem.

And yes they do mirror around them, but this time she went in pissed off and with major attitude, so I hope this new therapist gets the picture….

Her environment where she lives isn’t healthy, so this is also a concern of mine, even in the right therapy, I feel like it could still go wrong with where she’s living.

She said her reasons for going was, “so she knows if she’s an a~~ hole, or a good person. Its ok if she’s either, but she wants to know who she is”

I’ve found someone who’s close that does work with people with BPD but as of right now, she doesn’t seem interested, she just wants to see where this new therapist takes her… she says that she can’t get down there, or that she doesn’t have the money for the therapist qualified to work with her…its probable just because I suggested to change to see her…soo right now I’m going to shut up about that part and wait her out….wait until its “her” suggestion more or less

I’ve read a couple things on here saying that the wrong type of therapy is worse than not doing any, is this true? Can someone back this up?

i hope this isn't all to jumbled together, and that you can still understand it:D

[waverider]

Even the right therapy will need to crack a few eggs in order to make an omelette. So even the right therapy wont be plain sialing, and it will take time. Committment is the big thing

[united for now]

Sadly, many T don't like to work with BPD patients. Many don't know how to treat it or use ineffective methods.

And anyone would begin to feel discouraged if they were reaching out for help, only to feel unheard and misunderstood. Many pwBPD have poor emotional language skills and poor insight. There defenses are too strong.

[qwaszx]

ya, tell me about it, she has very poor standards when it comes to her emotional needs. i question if i shuld walk in and you know let them know she has BPD:P  

her last therapist asked her if she was ok doing sessions every other week, she unwantingly agreed, but then didnt understand why the therapist didnt pick up that she wanted to continue on every week and that she wasnt ready to do every other week... . she wanted to please her but then didnt know how to stand up for her own needs, and held some resentment for it... .

[united for now]

It is very frustrating to feel like you know what someone else needs, only to watch as they struggle and refuse to see their own part. You sometimes want to shake them to get them to understand.

The truth though, is that we are all on our own individual journeys, and any desire to change, heal, or grow has to come from inside ourselves. It can't be imposed. The pupil has to be willing to learn... .

Trying to get a duck to bark only frustrates you and pisses off the duck... .

[qwaszx]

i know, i just wanted to vent... . and as we change we unknowingly start to change the people around us, or atleast how they reacte to us.

[Cloudy Days]

Just wanted to say that I do think it is very important to get the right therapy. Regular talk therapy doesn't do any good for someone with BPD. My husband went to years of talk therapy and taking medications. He just continued to get worse so I know it did not work. I was able to find a place that specializes in treating BPD and amazingly enough he now accepts the BPD diagnoses and is going to treatment. He's not 100% better and no where near it but I he has come light years from where he was a year ago before getting DBT therapy. He takes a time out on his own, he has asked me how I feel about things (this is unheard of) he is taking up hobbies that he let go of years ago. He just seems like a happier person. He's not better, or sane for that matter but he's easier to live with and easier to love. I must also mention that he was a nightmare to be around for the first 4 months after each therapy session. We were told this is normal, It sucked but it went away.

[qwaszx]

thats what i've been trying to say:)

we all know that for a pwBPD that "normal" therapy doesn't work, if we know this, and therapist know this, (and they've gotten have figured it out by now and just aren’t telling her) why are they wasting her time or theirs, setting her up with a false sense of security, setting her up to fail? if its a heart problem, your doctor’s goin to refers you to a specialist isn’t he so what are they doing? I just think she deserves more than the bs treatment she’s gotten from this.

thats whats bothering me, not that she wont do what i want. can't beat a dead horse, if she doesnt want to do something shes not going to. there is no point in wasting my energy on that, so i guess my logic says jump the therapist(jk), cuz they should know more then me, or what to do in this situation, i just wish they'd stop confusing the hell out of her... . my frustrations more directed at them.

shes burning through her resources, and im afraid for her because as most of the people i've talk to, or other resources i've read the more therapist she burns through the more she will not want to try again(of course, i wouldn't want to either, hell i dont know i'd go back again already, if i were her i might just wright myself off as a hopeless after the amount of times shes tried). so it makes me really sad for her, because as much as i applauded her efforts, and as much as i want this next therapist to be able to stay strong and help her, it makes me sad to watch her struggle so much to reseave the right help that shes thought shes been getting this whole time, that she believes shes failing at, so yes, in hopes that she decides to find someone who's qualified to help her with her personal need, i go out on a limb, and try to point her in a direction that i hope won’t be so costly because i've seen the credentials of this therapist, and i feel like she might be the only one around her that knows enough about herself, and her line of work to be order to help her(my friends also looked around for someone who does work with BPD, there is no one else either of us have found)

i know i dont know what she needs, but i do know that pwBPD need someone whos skilled in the area, so that thay can begain to get help... . isn't that what we've all said?

[waverider]

Too much failed therapy and they just give all therapy up as a waste of time and it just reinforces to them that they are a lost cause.

Commitment to therapy is fragile enough as it is.

[united for now]

Call some T yourself and ask for references

[qwaszx]

ok thats what i'll do. thank you:)