Yes, I feel manipulated, controlled, lied to and sometimes kidnapped by my son

[Alcy]

It took us a long time to accept that something wrong was going on with my son perhaps because it also took us a long time to accept that something wrong was going on to us as well... !

How to realize about a not healthy mother-son relationship when I had a not healthy realitionship with myself to begin with... ! And the same way my husband and my 9 years old daugther feels about.

How ever, I feel I am finally walking on the right path of the healing process by foucusing on helping my son to find the right pat as well.

It is incrediblly difficult to find help that is not costing a fortune and even more to find the help trough our govertment health services here in Playa del Carmen Q. Roo México where we live.

But, after a long and slow process of seeking, searching, and finding any kind of help, we are taking our son to the DIF (Integral Family Development office) as it stands in spanish, wich is a govermental program to help mexican families to improve their family lifes.

There, the main psychiatrist prescribed risperidone and magnesium valproate after cheking his electroencephalogram results to help controlling the anger episodes and to expect improvment in his way of reasoning, and the psychologist is waiting for the medication to start working to be able to work with him and start the tests for getting a diagnosis.

When asking for help at the church where we go, a lady there from Canada who has a Son with BPD gave me a book called Stop walking on eggshells and then I started to feel that a lot of things were making sense.

Unfortunately we are still far away from getting a diagnosis, so I am determined to study on my own and finding as much help as possible.

That is how I end up writting this hoping that if my son is not a BPD at least I can learn from other people having someone that loves in a mental disorder that inables the person to have any normal relationship with anybody.

When we started to guess that our son was not normal, he was only 12 years old and it was accused of sexual harrestment to another school mate and that is how our nightmare started to showed up.

He is about to be 15 years old in a few days, he is being kick out of several schools, has no friends, he is always being bullied, he has problems with his gender identity and his identity in general.

He fall down of a 8 meters high tree because in his world nothing wrong can happen by climbing up so high, he chashed his bike to a motorcycle because of fast speed driving with no breaks, he can adopt any personality posible in order to be accepted, he has eating disorders and sleeping disorders as well.

And, when we didnt have any clue on how to deal with his anger episodes, he hurt my husband in the head with a mobile phone and I had to heal his head at home to avoid questions. He also hitted me on my back leaving a terrible bruce and a lot of confusing feelings.

For our relatives, we are just terrible parents and our son it is just a normal teeneger, a lot of people would think he is normal and we are just over reacting, but they had no idea what it feels to be kidnapped at your own house.

I feel blessed to get to know bpdfamily.com and I hope I can learn alot from all of you.

I will appreciate any advice or comment and suggestions on what online test will help us leading to find out if our son is BPD or not.

Thank you very much

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[lbjnltx]

Hello Alcy,

So glad to have you here looking for answers and support to help your son and your family.

I'm sorry for all the pain you have been going through trying to find help for your son.  It can be very difficult to find proper help even here in the USA.

There are tests that psychiatrists can give to determine if a person identifies as BPD.  These tests are to be taken by the patient (in this case your son).

As parents and the ones who know our children best we can make determinations if our children are suffering from traits of the disorder by looking at the criteria.  Here is a link to some info to help you determine if your son has traits of BPD and which ones' he is suffering with.

https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=114267.msg1125525#msg1125525

There are several articles and a video included in this Lesson so that you get a well rounded perspective on how this complex disorder can manifest in different people and different relationship dynamics.

If you have any questions about what you read or see please ask and we will do our best to assist you.



lbjnltx

[js friend]

Hi Alcy,

My own family often said that dd was just being a teenager and that I was just being too dramatic until they began to experience her behaviour for themselves.

Im sorry you are hearing this too as that kind of talk only invalidates us and what we are going through.

I cant remember in which book I read about BPD but it said that  if a collection the of behaviours go on for 1 year or more then there is a greater chance that we are dealing with a personality disorder of some kind rather than just teenage rebellion.

I would say that in dealing with your son that it isnt too late to put some boundaries in place in your home. I know that you dont want to get him into trouble with the police, or you may be worried about your neighbours gossiping, but if your son  attacks you or threatens you or others it is not acceptable and he should be held accountable for it. If you do not not there is a chance that the violence will just get worse and you  will end up being afraid of him. Also learning how to better communicate with your son using validation will help and may help lessen the amount of rages you are experiencing within your home.

There is much to learn on this site and has a great deal of useful information and is a great place to start.There also many members who are very supportive and may be experiencing similar things to you and your family who will be happy to share what has worked and hasnt worked for them. 


I wish you well on your journey  

jsf