Overcoming the feeling of being used

[Depression = 72% of members]

The hardest thing for me in the aftermath of my breakup is the feeling that I was used. My ex moved straight from me to someone else and didn't tell me until after the two of them had got together. Before me he had a whole string of short-lived partners and I knew even then that he was willing to date anyone who showed interest and affection. (After we'd got together, in a fit of tears, he told me, "If it weren't for you I'd end up in anybody's bed. You shouldn't be with scum men." However, I had hoped that things would be different with me, because I loved him.

Obviously they weren't different, and now I struggle with the feeling that I was just one in a line, easily used and easily thrown away. Once he told me the reasons why he loved me and I felt so cherished and wanted. Remembering those compliments and the kindness is even more painful than remembering the abuse, because they weren't real. They're probably what he says to anyone he dates.

The worst thing is the changed relationship with my body. This is where the feeling of being used is worst, because at the end there was a definite change in the nature of the sex and I felt like some object. It obviously didn't matter to him if I felt pleasure or not or even if I was comfortable or not. He just took what he could. I never want to feel like that again. Even the thought of sexual intimacy puts me off, because I don't want to risk being in a situation where I'll feel like that again.

How did people here move through feelings of being used?

[balletomane]

The hardest thing for me in the aftermath of my breakup is the feeling that I was used. My ex moved straight from me to someone else and didn't tell me until after the two of them had got together. Before me he had a whole string of short-lived partners and I knew even then that he was willing to date anyone who showed interest and affection. (After we'd got together, in a fit of tears, he told me, "If it weren't for you I'd end up in anybody's bed. You shouldn't be with scum men." However, I had hoped that things would be different with me, because I loved him.

Obviously they weren't different, and now I struggle with the feeling that I was just one in a line, easily used and easily thrown away. Once he told me the reasons why he loved me and I felt so cherished and wanted. Remembering those compliments and the kindness is even more painful than remembering the abuse, because they weren't real. They're probably what he says to anyone he dates.

The worst thing is the changed relationship with my body. This is where the feeling of being used is worst, because at the end there was a definite change in the nature of the sex and I felt like some object. It obviously didn't matter to him if I felt pleasure or not or even if I was comfortable or not. He just took what he could. I never want to feel like that again. Even the thought of sexual intimacy puts me off, because I don't want to risk being in a situation where I'll feel like that again.

How did people here move through feelings of being used?

[hopealways]

The reality is we were all used, and we allowed it.  I try not to focus on the fact of being used but rather on why I let it go on for so long. Nons are typically givers and white knights, the perfect prey for the BPD. They wouldn't be with us if they thought we wouldnt give them everything they wanted. Unfortunately even that isnt enough.