i got the news of residency refusal

[Depression = 72% of members]

For those of you who know my story i was looking forward to moving to anoter country, having a fresh start with a new job. Today i got the news of residency refusal. Now i am stuck here unemployed with a lot of triggers and an exBPD in town. Is there anyway to shout at life ? Now i am triggered with failure

[antjs]

For those of you who know my story i was looking forward to moving to anoter country, having a fresh start with a new job. Today i got the news of residency refusal. Now i am stuck here unemployed with a lot of triggers and an exBPD in town. Is there anyway to shout at life ? Now i am triggered with failure

[trappedinlove]

AJ, we don't get to choose the cards life deals us with.

Putting the employment part aside, from the perspective of facing your b/u alone moving to a far away country would probably have helped you to feel better on the short term but at the same time it would have allowed you an "emergency exit" that could have served as an escape route without dealing deeply with your core issues.

The magnitude of our response to the b/u from our pwBPD partners is related to our own internal issues, not to the fact that we stumbled upon such a r/s. The pwBPD triggered us. We were there from day one, many times seeing intuitively the red flags and choosing to ignore them and get ourselves entrenched deeper in the r/s since it filled a painful void inside us.

All this means is that by facing our internal demons we can come out stronger on the other side, so hang in there, life's telling you your job here ain't done yet 

TIL

[antjs]

I am dealing with my issues. I have put my fingers on some. Previously i used to guilt and shame myself over events that i dont hold any control over. Now it is different. I dont guilt myself over the residency refusal. Its out of my hands. I did my part. I passed an exam, gone to the other country and found a job (which is really difficult) and now i am with the result of refusal (which i acknowledge is out of my hands). I am not escaping to another country for a quick fix. I am facing myself and will continue facing myself even if i was able to live there.

I have just got the news. I am angry. I can see myself angry from an observatory person prespective. I am letting the feelings flow and i am not resisting. Its just not fair and i am not asking it to be cause it will never be. I just want to scream at life cause enough is enough.

[BorisAcusio]

AJ, we don't get to choose the cards life deals us with.

Putting the employment part aside, from the perspective of facing your b/u alone moving to a far away country would probably have helped you to feel better on the short term but at the same time it would have allowed you an "emergency exit" that could have served as an escape route without dealing deeply with your core issues.

The magnitude of our response to the b/u from our pwBPD partners is related to our own internal issues, not to the fact that we stumbled upon such a r/s. The pwBPD triggered us. We were there from day one, many times seeing intuitively the red flags and choosing to ignore them and get ourselves entrenched deeper in the r/s since it filled a painful void inside us.

All this means is that by facing our internal demons we can come out stronger on the other side, so hang in there, life's telling you your job here ain't done yet 

TIL

Well, at least partially. Some of the relationships were truly traumatic, others were on the more subtle end of the spectrum.

[christoff522]

For those of you who know my story i was looking forward to moving to anoter country, having a fresh start with a new job. Today i got the news of residency refusal. Now i am stuck here unemployed with a lot of triggers and an exBPD in town. Is there anyway to shout at life ? Now i am triggered with failure

Thats a real shame. I can't imagine how you must feel. But... there's always a bright side! Maybe God has a task for you to do here in town. It also gives you an opportunity to really get down to the nitty gritty and deal with your problems. Also, if you need to pray to God and really let rip. Just remember that you are loved!

[free-n-clear]

   Sorry to hear about the refusal, AJ.   I think from memory you were going to the Middle East? With all the stuff going on over there at the moment - which, if history is any guide - will probably get worse before it gets better, it may well prove to be a blessing in disguise.

[antjs]

   Sorry to hear about the refusal, AJ.   I think from memory you were going to the Middle East? With all the stuff going on over there at the moment - which, if history is any guide - will probably get worse before it gets better, it may well prove to be a blessing in disguise.

I already live in the middle east. I was going to dubai (safest and best city in the middle east)

[AwakenedOne]

Is there anyway to shout at life ?

I feel for you man. I know you were really looking forward to going there.

Maybe try to find some healthy way now to get rid of a bit of frustrations you about this disappointment. If you literally have to shout, I'd say do it. Yell at your Goldfish at the top of your lungs if it makes you feel any better. Probably be a good release, it probably wont hurt the Goldfish's hearing either. I don't think fish have ears or can hear. Who knows though?

Maybe there is a bigger and better opportunity for you in the near future. I hope so. Hang in there bro.

[antjs]

I think the goldfish is gonna be ok. At least it doesnt have an exBPD goldfish and it doesnt need a visa to travel through the ocean. I wish i was a goldfish.

[Blimblam]

it sucks man!  

I know its easier to be the one that life turns on the upswing after the break up that way to validate yourself.  Then theres those like me where life fell apart and that's what I have to look foreward to after the fog clears.  It just means that the work we will have to do to get through this will be much deeper and personal than if the outer things going on in life had just came together.

Its like the story the odesey but we don't have to travel  the world to have a great journey but we sure are going to the limits of reality, to hell and back.  It is the heros journey, as joseph Campbell would say and this is our opportunity to exercise our own inner demons.

[Pecator]

This really sucks man,

I can feel with you. We have a bit different story but both dealing with recovering from a r/s wBPD and immigration issues. I am trying to stay in a country, trying to retain the right to work here.

I have about a month, before I have to pull the trigger unless some miracle happens.

My major issue is that I had a position that would have mad everything ok. It was phased out and now I a screwed. What really pisses me off is that it honestly has nothing to do with my ex. Except that I am already pissed by everything else that is happened. And even more pissed that my ex is well into her cycle that seems to make her happy. By all accounts fluctuating between idolization and clinging. She is content screwing up someone else. I am facing my demons and getting healthier by the day.

Yet I can't catch a break.

My life will look very differently in month from now. I do not have the emotional energy to deal with that. I barely am getting through the past r/s.


Only bright side, at least my immigration issues are real and not right. I feel justified in that frustration.

I just need to separate that anger, from the needless anger I have with my ex. That anger is not worth my energy.

Sounds like your issues with immigration at least deserve your anger!

Keep on keeping on!

[Red Sky]

Sorry to hear that AJ.  hang in there... . The others have a point in saying that this does force you to confront your demons now, and you will get through this in time. All I can offer is virtual hugs, which isn't very useful but 

Best of luck Pecator, hope you get your immigration issues fixed as well as your personal ones 

[Ihope2]

I am really sorry to hear your application to reside in Dubai was turned down, Antony_James. 

I would also be angry as all hell, if I was in your shoes! 

When one door closes, another one is sure to open, as the saying goes. 

[free-n-clear]

   Sorry to hear about the refusal, AJ.   I think from memory you were going to the Middle East? With all the stuff going on over there at the moment - which, if history is any guide - will probably get worse before it gets better, it may well prove to be a blessing in disguise.

I already live in the middle east. I was going to dubai (safest and best city in the middle east)

   Sorry, mate. Guess with your anglo-sounding username, I assumed you were in the "west". Hope I didn't cause any offence.