of a pwB/NPD being able to understand they are part of a chaotic realtionship, responsible for some pretty serious stuff and actually seeking help?
And getting better?
My ideas on this so far (on my situation) are that it (the chances) are pretty slim.
It's a huge mountain to climb, with each step more difficult to achieve... .
1. Acknowledgement
2. Ownership
3. Seeking treatment
4. Sticking with treatment
Plenty of pwBPD acknowledge they can behave badly. Sometimes the behaviors just speak for themselves and are undeniable. But they can also rationalize it, minimize it or deny it later.
Far fewer actively own their role in the dysfunction. Those that do often think they have "seen the light", then decide to self-treat... .until they dysregulate and are back to square one.
Someone who decides to seek outside help deserves a huge pat on the back because this is the start of real help... .but also often the end of real help. Far too often the pwBPD will reach a point in their treatment where they consider themselves "healed", stop treatment, eventually dysregulate and go back to square one. Other times the treatment doesn't go in the direction they had hoped... .often getting challenged by the therapist in an uncomfortable manner... .then they paint the therapist black, quit and go back to square one.
For the very few who actually stay the course and are in treatment for years, it is still a challenge. But this is the only way they truly are going to help themselves.
Understanding that each of these steps have to be taken willingly by the pwBPD, that these steps cannot be forced upon them, emphasizes the difficulty of setting any expectations on changes by our pwBPD.
This is why I think it's best that the default expectation must be "my pwBPD will not change". Should you accept this premise and want to stay in the relationship, any changes must come from you (e.g. using the tools taught here, learning the importance of setting and enforcing boundaries). Only you can decide if you are up for this.
